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Become A Calm MamaLearn how to stop yelling at your kids and feel calm Author: Darlynn Childress
Become a Calm Mama is a parenting podcast where you learn practical parenting tools and strategies so you can stop yelling, feel more calm, and show up as the mom you want to be. Darlynn is the top parenting coach for moms who want to know exactly how to handle misbehavior and create a peaceful home. Darlynn is known for her practical strategies and a down to earth understanding of what its really like to be a mom raising kids in the 21st century. Over the past 15 years, Darlynn has dedicated her life to becoming the mom she wanted to be for my kids. In that process, she created a parenting model called The Calm Mama Process that helped her navigate every tricky parenting moment thats been thrown her way. From hitting to bullying, from toddler meltdowns to teenage shenanigans, from missing assignments to college admissions, from getting kids to bed to getting kids out of bed, from kids not wanting to get out of the bath to middle schoolers that dont want to take a shower, from kids fighting in the car to kids who drive their own car, shes seen it all. Darlynn has taught her model to hundreds of moms since 2015 and when they apply the Calm Mama Process to their tricky parenting moments they have calm and peace in their homes. Their kids' behavior improves, their relationship with their children gets so much better, and they enjoy motherhood (most of the time!). Darlynn teaches her process inside her coaching program, The Emotionally Healthy Kids course, where you learn how to master your reactivity, teach kids how to manage their big feelings, and set limits that work. Each week she brings practical and simple strategies to the podcast so you can stop yelling and create a peaceful home. Language: en Genres: Education, Kids & Family, Parenting, Self-Improvement Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it Trailer: |
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The CALM Break
Episode 12
Thursday, 26 March, 2026
If you’re a fan of the Pause Break, you are going to love the new and improved tool I’m teaching in today’s episode. And if you’re new here, the CALM Break is going to change the way you show up as a parent!You’ll Learn:Why you feel so stressed out as a parentThe 4 steps of the CALM BreakHow (and when) to use a CALM Break to stop yelling and feel less overwhelmedSome of my favorite thoughts for a more positive mindsetThe CALM Break is the new and improved Pause Break. It’s a step-by-step process for what to do when you find yourself overwhelmed, yelling at your kid, or just not showing up as the parent you want to be. Today, I’m breaking down what it is and how you can use it to show up as a calm mama.--------------------------------Why Aren’t You Calm?We all feel overwhelmed and dysregulated at times, especially when it comes to parenting. Understanding what’s going on can help you to be more compassionate with yourself and feel less out of control.Your nervous system has two parts: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic. The parasympathetic nervous system is the calm part. It's what we think of as “rest and digest”. It's a state of equilibrium and balance. For the most part, you should be living your life in the parasympathetic nervous system. These are the times when things are relatively easy, you know what to be doing, the demands on you are manageable, and you're able to keep up.When things become stressful - there is too much demand on you and you feel overwhelmed - your nervous system says, “Uh-oh, we can’t handle this,” and it decides that you need a bunch more stress hormones (e.g. adrenaline, cortisol, epinephrine) in order to deal with what’s in front of you. This triggers your sympathetic nervous system. That's the fight, flight, freeze, faint, fawn response. Basically, you either become activated or you shut down. At certain times in your life, this stress response can be really helpful and useful. But we’re not supposed to stay in an activated state all the time. The stressors in our lives aren't supposed to outpace our ability to manage those stressors.But kids (even if you only have one) create a lot of extra stress. You're constantly worried and looking out for their safety. You're constantly trying to problem solve. They’re melting down because their nervous system is immature and misfiring all the time. And then you add the everyday life demands of time, money, work, relationship drama, physical fatigue, and it can feel so overwhelming. A lot of the time, you can handle things as they come up. Somebody spills their juice, you clean it up, you move on. Give yourself a little credit here for not being a raging lunatic all the time! But there are also moments when your stress response takes over. Your brain tells you this is an emergency, your stress response activates, and it takes you out of your logical, thinking response. This is when you need to use the CALM Break to get your parasympathetic nervous system back online to manage the stress juice and get you back to a more balanced state. The CALM BreakListen, if you have kids under 10, it’s probably cuckoo pants all the time in your house. Under age 5, forget it. You've got kids climbing and jumping and throwing and spitting and punching and hitting. And you're gonna feel like you're going bananas (and you kind of are). Your nervous system is not ready for those demands. It’s not built to be. CALM is an acronym that helps you remember the steps to follow when you notice that you are overwhelmed, triggered, or dysregulated. CALM stands for:Catch yourselfAlignLabelMove Step 1: Catch Yourself & PauseThis step is about building awareness of how you’re feeling and when you are dysregulated. You can also think of the “C” as checking in with yourself. This can be as simple as noticing and saying to yourself, “Oh, I’m very overwhelmed right now.” When you interrupt your stress response, you are retraining your nervous system to respond differently to those circumstances. Step 2: AlignAlign refers to getting your nervous system back online with your values and your goals of becoming a calm parent. First, delay. Don’t do any parenting in this moment while you’re activated.Communicate to your kids that you're not in alignment. Say something like, “You know what? I'm getting upset right now. I love you, and I don’t want to yell at you. I'm going to take a CALM break.” Or, “I'm sorry, this is not how I want to act. I will talk to you about this in a few minutes after a take a break.”When you tell your children what is happening in real time, they will feel less afraid. They will feel less activated. Plus, as you start to get calm, they might start to calm down, too. Step 3: Label Your Thoughts & FeelingsNarrate for yourself what you're thinking and what's going on and name those feelings. I want you to do this with kindness and self-compassion. There’s no need for negative self-talk or criticism. Being hard on yourself will only activate more stress.Some common default thoughts include, “My kid never listens,” “My kid is so entitled,” and “They should know better.” These thoughts often lead to feelings of frustration, resentment, or discouragement. This is the piece where you get to really connect with your own heart and your own overwhelm and your own nervous system and give yourself some love. Once you label what you’re thinking and feeling, tell yourself, “Yes, this is hard, but I can get through it.” Step 4: MoveI think of this as “move your body, move your mind.” Moving your body is the best way to move stress juice through and regulate your nervous system. There are lots of great examples for this in the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet.Then, you can move your mind by working with your mindset. That means that you can shift the way you’re thinking and feeling so you get into a better state of mind. We're not bypassing or ignoring our feelings here. Instead, you’ll acknowledge them and then ask yourself:How do I want to feel? What thoughts will get me there? How can I move this moment forward with some positive energy?The fun thing is, you can get better at moving your mind and coaching yourself when things are rough. You get better at normalizing the stage of life that you’re in and telling yourself a better story about it. Here are some thoughts you can borrow when you need them:This is normal. This is one of my favorites!This is temporary.This is not an emergency. I have plenty of time.Kids are going to act out.This isn't a big problem.This is overwhelming, but I can handle it.I wasn't expecting this, but I can take care of it.This is how you label what’s true and move your mind to a more balanced state. When you are working the whole Connected Parenting Process, you will feel much calmer and your nervous system won't activate as much. When you feel confident that you can deal with misbehavior, you won't find it so overwhelming. Resources:Get the free Stop Yelling Cheat SheetFree Guide: 20 Ways to Reset Your Stress ResponseEpisode 2: Getting to Calm with the Pause BreakEpisode 8: Pause & Reset Your BodyEpisode 9: Pause & Reset Your Emotions
