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Authentically ADHD with CarmenHi I'm an Early childhood special education teacher, a late diagnosed ADHDer, Podcast host of Authentically ADHD with Carmen and a certified Life and performance coach. Author: Where the chaos of ADHD meets self-acceptance, growth, and a whole lot of authenticity
Hi! I'm Carmen, a late-diagnosed ADHDer, ADHD life coach, and early childhood special education teacher who wants to spread awareness, relate to other ADHDers, and have fun while talking and learning about the difficulties, awesomeness, and new research behind the neurodiverse ADHD brain. ARE YOU READY?? Let's get started! carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com Language: en Genres: Education, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-Improvement Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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AuDHD and the Social Battery: Why You’re Still Exhausted After Rest
Tuesday, 6 January, 2026
Show Notes:Hello and welcome to Authentically ADHD – I’m Carmen, and I’m so glad you’re tuning in. Today we’re exploring a topic I know many of us grapple with: why you’re still exhausted even after resting, especially when you’re both autistic and ADHD (often called AuDHD). If you’ve ever wondered, “I took a break, so why do I still feel drained?” this episode is for you.We often hear about the idea of a “social battery.” The classic metaphor goes like this: social time drains you, alone time or rest recharges you, then you’re good to go again. It’s a handy way to explain why you might feel wiped out after a party or a day of meetings – you used up your social battery and need some quiet time to recharge. For neurotypical folks or even just introverts, that simple formula sometimes works: hang out with people (battery drains), spend a night in (battery refills), and you’re refreshed.But if you’re neurodivergent – and especially if you’re AuDHD (autistic + ADHD) – you’ve probably noticed it’s not that simple. You might spend a weekend resting at home only to wake up on Monday still bone-tired. Or you take a day off to recharge, and by evening you’re more exhausted than before. What gives? In today’s episode, we’re going to answer that. We’ll talk about why the one-dimensional social battery metaphor doesn’t fully capture what’s happening in our brains and bodies. We’ll dive into the neuroscience behind exhaustion in autism and ADHD: it’s not just being “peopled out” – it’s also things like masking, sensory overload, executive function fatigue, chronic stress mode, and even missed signals from our own bodies.By understanding these factors, we can start to make sense of why just “resting” isn’t always enough for us. Importantly, we’ll discuss what real rest means for an AuDHD brain. I’ll share some strategies and tips on how to recharge the right way (because if your rest isn’t targeting the actual type of tired you are, it’s not going to truly restore you). And be sure to stick around till the end – I have 7 reflection questions for you. These will help you apply what we talk about to your own life, so you can figure out what drains your energy and how to refill your tank more effectively.So, grab a comfy seat, maybe a notebook, and let’s unpack why you’re still exhausted after rest – and what we can do about it.The Classic “Social Battery” Metaphor – And Its LimitsLet’s start with that “social battery” idea. It’s a popular way to describe energy levels, especially for introverts. The idea is pretty straightforward: social interaction uses energy, and solitude or downtime charges you back up. For example, if you spend all day socializing with coworkers or attending events, you might feel drained – your social battery is empty. Then you recharge by being alone, watching Netflix, reading, sleeping, what have you. The next day, your battery is full again (or at least partially recharged) and you repeat the cycle.This metaphor resonates because it acknowledges that socializing can be tiring, even if it’s fun. It’s commonly mentioned for conditions like ADHD or just shy/introverted personalities: “I need to recharge my social battery.” For neurotypical people, often a good night’s sleep or a quiet Sunday morning might indeed restore that sense of energy.But here’s the catch: the social battery model assumes only one dimension of fatigue – social energy in versus out. It treats all “rest” as equal, like plugging your phone into any charger will top it off. For those of us with ADHD, autism, or both (AuDHD), our experience tells a more complex story. We don’t just have a single battery that drains and refills; we have an entire panel of batteries or fuel tanks, each for different kinds of energy. Sometimes you’re not even sure which battery is low – you just know you’re running on fumes. And crucially, if you try to recharge in the wrong way, it’s like putting the wrong fuel in a car: you don’t get very far, and you might even stall out.Have you ever tried to rest – say you cleared your weekend to do nothing – and you did all the “right” restful things like sleeping in or binging a show, but you still felt wiped out on Monday? I’ve been there. Before I understood the multiple dimensions of burnout, I would get frustrated at myself: “I rested, why am I still tired? What’s wrong with me?” The social battery idea would have me believe that rest = recharge, so if I rested and I’m still tired, I must be doing something wrong. But the truth was, my rest wasn’t actually addressing the kind of exhaustion I had.The classic metaphor doesn’t account for things like:Mental overload – maybe your mind was exhausted from racing thoughts or decision-making, but your “rest” didn’t quiet your mind.Sensory overload – maybe your senses were still on high alert from a noisy, bright, chaotic week, and watching TV on the couch kept bombarding you with light and sound.Emotional strain – maybe you were carrying stress or anxiety (perhaps from masking your true self or holding in emotions), and “resting” by doing nothing didn’t process those feelings.Physical fatigue – maybe your body needed real recovery (nutrition, hydration, movement or sleep), but your rest was just lying around without addressing those needs.Executive function fatigue – perhaps you spent all week forcing your ADHD brain to stay organized and on-task, which is extremely draining, and simply taking time off work didn’t automatically replenish that mental fuel.In other words, neurodivergent exhaustion is multi-faceted, and the social battery idea is just one piece of the puzzle. For AuDHD folks, social interaction itself can be exhausting, yes, but why it’s exhausting goes beyond just “I don’t like being around people too long.” There are underlying factors – neurological and physiological – that make social settings or daily life in general more draining for us than for others. Let’s break down those factors.Why AuDHD Exhaustion Is More Than “Just Social”When you have autism, ADHD, or both, several concurrent processes are depleting your energy throughout the day. It’s like having multiple apps running on your mental phone battery. If we ignore all but one, we miss the full picture. Here are some of the big drains on an AuDHD “battery”:1. The Masking Labor – Hidden Exhaustion of “Acting Normal”Masking refers to hiding or suppressing your natural neurodivergent behaviors to fit into a neurotypical world. Think of it as a social survival strategy: you force yourself to maintain eye contact even though it’s uncomfortable, you hold back your stims (like fidgeting or rocking) to seem “calm,” you laugh when you’re supposed to even if you’re confused, you constantly monitor your tone and words so you don’t offend or seem weird. Basically, you’re running a mental filter 24/7 to appear “normal.” That is hard work!For autistic people especially, masking can be an enormous cognitive and emotional load. It’s not just casually wearing a “social face”; it’s more like performing a play where you’re the actor and the director, constantly watching yourself from the outside. For ADHD folks, masking might involve holding back your impulsive comments, forcing yourself to sit still and appear attentive, or over-preparing for conversations so you don’t lose track.All this mental multitasking consumes a ton of energy. Imagine your brain as a computer running several heavy programs at once – eventually it’s going to lag or overheat. When you’re masking, you might be:Analyzing every social cue and your own reactions (“Am I smiling enough? Did that joke land? Do I seem interested?”).Inhibiting natural impulses (“Don’t stim, don’t interrupt, don’t pace even though I’m restless…”).Translating your intended words into more “acceptable” phrases.Absorbing the stress of not being able to relax or be yourself.No wonder by the time you get home from work or a social gathering, you feel like you ran a marathon (even if all you did was sit in a conference room or a cafe). Masking is exhausting. It’s often described as wearing a heavy costume all day; when you finally take it off, you might physically collapse. This is a huge reason your “social battery” drains so fast and stays low: you weren’t just socializing, you were performing and self-censoring nonstop.2. Sensory Processing Load – When the World Overwhelms Your SensesMany autistic and ADHD individuals experience sensory sensitivities. This means ordinary environments can feel like an assault on your nervous system. The lights in a grocery store are glaring and fluorescent, the chatter at a party is a jumble of noise, the fabric of your shirt tag is scratching your neck all day – these might barely register for a neurotypical person, but for us, they can be intensely distracting or irritating.Your brain is constantly processing sensory input: sight, sound, touch, smell, movement, etc. In neurotypical brains, there’s a filter – they can often tune out background noise or adapt quickly to stimuli. In an AuDHD brain, that filter may be weaker or just different. Everything comes in at full volume, so to speak. As a result, you’re expending energy just to exist in what others call a “normal” environment. You might not realize how much work your brain is doing to process and cope with the sensory avalanche until you find yourself utterly drained for “no obvious reason.”It’s not just mentally tiring; it activates your physiology. When you’re in sensory overload, your body can go into a mild fight-or-flight state. Think about being startled by a sudden loud noise – your heart jumps, adrenaline spikes. Now imagine smaller scale but chronic versions of that throughout your day: the phone ringing, the traffic noise, the uncomfortable chair, the strong perfume in the elevator. Your body might be perpetually a little on edge. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline might be slightly elevated as your system says “too much, too much!” Even if you consciously try to ignore a chaotic environment, your nervous system is still reacting. Over time, living in that amped-up state will wear you out.So if you spend a day in a noisy, busy setting (say, an open-plan office or a crowded mall), you might come home utterly spent. And here’s the kicker – if your idea of “rest” is, say, plopping on the couch with the TV on, you might not actually be giving your sensory system a break. The TV is still light and sound. Your phone screen is still input. If sensory overload was a big part of your energy drain, you need sensory rest: dim lighting, silence or calm music, maybe a weighted blanket or whatever soothes your senses. Without addressing that, a quiet night might only pause the overload without truly clearing it, leaving you still jittery or frazzled the next day.3. Executive Function Taxes – Paying the “Brain Tax” on Every TaskExecutive function is like the brain’s management system – it covers things like planning, organizing, focusing, remembering details, switching tasks, and controlling impulses. Both ADHD and autism can come with executive function challenges (though they might show up differently). For ADHD in particular, things like staying focused, following steps, meeting deadlines, and making decisions can require intense conscious effort. It’s not that we can’t do them – we often can, but it’s like driving with the parking brake on. We have to press the gas harder to go the same distance.Studies have found that adults with ADHD use up more mental energy throughout the day just managing routine tasks. One psychologist described it well: people with ADHD exert greater effort on everyday decisions and self-control, which “burns up mental fuel” at a faster rate than neurotypicals. Have you ever felt strangely tired after doing “nothing” except answer emails or make a few simple phone calls? That could be because for an ADHD brain, shifting attention between those emails, resisting the urge to check social media, remembering what you had to do next, all of that took a lot of invisible effort.Autistic folks, on the other hand, might get mentally drained from tasks like navigating transitions (shifting from one activity to another can be jarring) or dealing with unpredictability without a clear plan. Planning and adapting – those executive functions – can take a lot of conscious processing if your brain doesn’t do it automatically.All day long, we’re essentially paying an “executive function tax.” Every time you force yourself to concentrate on a boring task, every time you have to break down a project into steps, every time you coach yourself through procrastination or try to remember an appointment – that’s a withdrawal from your cognitive energy reserves. By evening, you’ve been taxing that system so heavily that you might experience brain fog, trouble concentrating, or an inability to make even trivial decisions (“decision fatigue” – like staring at the fridge unable to decide on dinner).If your rest doesn’t give your executive brain a break – for example, if you “rest” by doing something mentally complex like reading dense articles or doing a puzzle when your mind was what was exhausted – you may not feel recovered. Sometimes what we need is true mental rest: no complex planning, maybe even a break from screens and information intake, letting our thoughts wander or doing a mindless simple activity. Without identifying that need, you might mistakenly think “I just need more sleep,” but eight hours later you still wake up mentally exhausted, because your mind never got a break from overdrive.4. Stress-System Activation – Living in Fight-or-Flight ModeThis one underpins all the above: chronic stress. Both living with ADHD and autism can be chronically stressful, even if you love your life and manage well. There’s the stress of trying to meet neurotypical expectations, the stress of sensory assault, the stress of potential social missteps or failures at work, and often a history of anxiety or trauma from not being understood. All this means our sympathetic nervous system (the fight-or-flight responder) might be activated more often or more intensely.Physiologically, when you perceive a challenge or threat (and “challenge” can be as mundane as the boss unexpectedly asking you a question, or a sudden loud noise that startles you), your body releases hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Your heart rate might go up, blood pressure increases, senses heighten. It’s your body’s way of gearing up to face something. That’s fine in short bursts, but if it’s happening repeatedly through the day, you don’t get much time in the restorative, relaxed state (the parasympathetic “rest and digest” mode).Being constantly in a subtle fight-or-flight mode is exhausting. It also affects sleep and energy recovery. For instance, if your stress system is always a bit activated, you might have trouble winding down at night or you might not get deep, quality sleep. You could sleep a full night and still wake up tired because physiologically, your body hasn’t truly relaxed. Chronic stress can also mess with things like muscle tension (ever realize you’ve been clenching your jaw or shoulders all day?), digestion, and immune function – which can all indirectly make you feel more fatigued and rundown.For AuDHD people, stress might be coming from multiple angles: social anxiety, ADHD-related worries (“Did I forget something important again?”), sensory stress, or just the general pressure of appearing fine while you’re actually struggling. Even exciting positive things can register as stress to the body – like hyperfocus or sensory excitement can amp you up similar to anxiety. So if you’re constantly running “hot” internally, you need cooling-off periods. If your rest doesn’t include something that actually calms your nervous system – like deep breathing, mindfulness, gentle movement, a safe feeling environment – you might stay in a semi-stressed state even during downtime. That means your “battery” isn’t recharging; at best, you’re just not draining it further for a while.5. Interoception Glitches – Missing Your Body’s Early Warning SignalsInteroception is a fancy word for the internal sense of your body’s condition – basically, feeling your own internal signals like hunger, thirst, tiredness, pain, needing the bathroom, etc. Many autistic people (and some ADHD folks too) have differences or delays in interoception. This can mean you don’t notice your needs until they’re screaming at you.Think about times you suddenly realize, “Oh my gosh, I’m starving – I haven’t eaten in 8 hours!” or you’re shivering and only then notice you’re cold. Or you’re so deeply focused on a project (thanks hyperfocus) that you don’t realize you’re exhausted until you stand up and almost fall over. That’s interoceptive unawareness – our internal “fuel gauge” is not very accurate.For an AuDHD person, this might lead to literally running on fumes. You might be extremely low on energy but not fully register it until you hit a wall (like a shutdown or a meltdown or just a sudden wave of exhaustion that knocks you out). Likewise, you might not identify what kind of rest you need. You just feel “bad” or “tired” or “crappy” but can’t tell if it’s because you’re dehydrated, or overstimulated, or emotionally upset. So you might try the wrong fix. For example:You feel out of it, so you assume you need a nap. But maybe what you needed was actually food and water (physical need), so you wake up from the nap still feeling off.Or you feel “tired” but actually you’ve been sitting indoors all day and your body is under-stimulated physically and craving movement (some ADHDers know the feeling of being lethargic from lack of activity). If you just lie down more, you feel even worse, whereas a short walk or some stretches might have rejuvenated you.Or you feel mentally drained and foggy, so you try to push through with caffeine and working more, when actually your brain desperately needed a break from screens and information (mental rest).When interoception isn’t giving clear signals, it’s easy to mis-match our rest to our need. We also tend to wait too long to address our needs. It’s like driving your car until the fuel light is not just on, but the tank is nearly empty and the car is sputtering – then you pull into a random gas station and try to fill up without knowing what type of fuel you needed. If you put diesel in a gasoline engine, the car’s not going to run, right? Similarly, if you try a form of “rest” that isn’t what your body or brain actually require, you won’t feel better. You might get a brief pause, but not true recovery.This can become a vicious cycle: you rest ineffectively, still feel exhausted, maybe even more frustrated (“I rested and it didn’t help, why bother?”), and then you push yourself further next time, edging closer to burnout.So, to sum up this section: the social battery is more complicated for AuDHD folks because multiple systems are draining your energy – social interaction plus masking, sensory processing, executive function, stress responses, and trouble noticing your needs. It’s like having five batteries in parallel, and when you say “I’m drained,” it could be one or all of them that are empty. If you only recharge one, the others might still be flashing red.Now that we understand why you might still feel exhausted after what you thought was adequate rest, let’s talk about the science and physiology a bit more, and then we’ll move on to strategies for tackling this in real life.The Physiology Behind AuDHD ExhaustionYou might be wondering, “Okay, so these different drains make sense, but what’s actually happening in my body? Is this all in my head or is there a real physical basis for why I’m so wiped out?” It’s very real, and neuroscience and physiology back it up. Let’s take a peek under the hood of the AuDHD body and brain when it comes to energy:Brain Energy and Cognitive Effort: The brain, even though it’s just 2% of our body weight, uses a ton of energy – some estimates say about 20% of our daily calories. When you’re engaging in heavy cognitive effort (like constant self-control, focus, or social navigation), you’re burning through glucose (sugar energy) in the brain at a faster rate. Neurotypical brains might solve a problem or engage in small talk using X amount of energy. An ADHD or autistic brain might need 2X because it’s working harder to stay on track or decode the social nuances. Over a day, that adds up. By late afternoon, you might literally be low on brain fuel, which is why you experience that heavy fatigue or brain fog. It’s not just mood or laziness – it can be a sign your brain’s resources are depleted.Dopamine and Neurotransmitters: ADHD is associated with differences in dopamine regulation – dopamine is a neurotransmitter important for motivation, focus, and reward. If your brain has a dopamine deficit in certain circuits, tasks don’t reward your brain as much, so you have to push yourself harder to do them. It’s kind of like driving a car with low battery – you can do it, but it might sputter. This not only makes tasks feel harder mentally, it also can lead to a sort of constant seeking of stimulation to get that dopamine hit (hello, checking our phones or daydreaming), which itself can be tiring. Meanwhile, autistic brains often have different connectivity patterns – some areas might be hyper-connected, leading to intense focus or sensory awareness, while other regulatory circuits might be less connected, making switching tasks or filtering input harder. The result? A brain that’s either revving high or working overtime to shift gears. These neurological differences mean that an AuDHD brain is often running rich (like an engine burning a lot of fuel) all day.Hormones: Cortisol and Adrenaline: I touched on this earlier – the stress hormones. Cortisol is known as the “stress hormone” that follows a circadian rhythm (should be high in morning, low at night) and spikes during stress. Chronic high cortisol from frequent stress can cause fatigue, brain fog, and even body aches. Adrenaline (epinephrine) is more immediate – it gives you that jolt in emergencies. If you’re frequently anxious or overstimulated, your adrenaline might spike often, and afterwards you typically feel a crash – shaky, tired, maybe headachey. Some of us live in a pattern of mini adrenaline spikes throughout the day (panic about a task deadline, sensory shock from a siren, social anxiety spike when your phone rings…). Over time, this wears you down and can dysregulate your whole energy system. Your body might start overreacting or underreacting to stress due to burnout of the stress response system. This is why managing stress and actually engaging the relaxation response (like deep breathing to trigger the vagus nerve, which can lower heart rate and cortisol) is so key. Physically calming your body is not just woo-woo; it’s helping your hormones rebalance so you can truly recharge.Muscle Tension and Physical Load: Ever notice how when you’re mentally stressed, your body feels sore or tired? If you have anxiety or are masking, you might be unconsciously tensing muscles – clenching your jaw, hunching shoulders, or tapping your foot all day. Autistic folks might suppress stims which actually takes muscle control. ADHDers might be restraining their urge to move. All this can lead to physical exhaustion and even pain by day’s end. Plus, conditions often co-occurring with AuDHD – like hypermobility, sleep disturbances, or digestive issues – can further sap physical energy.Sleep Quality: Many of us with ADHD or autism have sleep issues – trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or not feeling rested from sleep. Neurologically, if your brain has trouble shutting off (common with ADHD racing thoughts or autism’s difficulty unwinding routines), you might not get enough deep sleep. Sleep is when the brain and body repair. It’s like plugging in your phone overnight – if you only charge to 50% or keep getting unplugged, you start the day at a deficit. Over days and weeks, that compounded sleep debt can make any amount of daytime rest feel ineffective. It’s like trying to fill a bucket that has a leak at the bottom.In short, there are concrete brain and body reasons for your persistent exhaustion. You’re not just “bad at resting” or “lazy” or “weak.” Your system is genuinely handling more and recovering less than the average person’s. Knowing this is validating – it’s not in your imagination. And importantly, it points toward solutions: for example, approaches that reduce the constant load on your brain (like accommodations or assistive tools for executive function), or practices that actively help your nervous system relax (like mindfulness, therapy, or sensory decompression activities).What AuDHD Exhaustion Looks Like in Daily LifeIt might be helpful to recognize how this kind of multi-faceted exhaustion shows up, because sometimes we don’t even have the words for what we’re feeling. We just know we’re done. Here are some common signs that your various “batteries” are drained:Brain Fog and Zoning Out: You’ve had a day full of interactions and tasks, and now you just can’t think straight. You find yourself staring at the wall or scrolling mindlessly because your brain refuses to focus on anything else. That’s mental exhaustion – your brain is literally trying to power down for a bit. Autistic folks might experience shutdowns: where you go non-verbal or withdraw because your brain says “nope, I cannot engage anymore.” ADHD folks might find their attention just ricochets around or flatlines.Physical Fatigue and Aches: Your body might feel as if you ran a marathon, even if you didn’t move much. Maybe your legs feel heavy, or you have a tension headache from hours of concentrating or from sensory stress (like squinting in bright light or bracing against loud noises). Chronic muscle tension can manifest as back or neck pain. Some people get stress-related fatigue where you feel flu-like (aching, low energy) purely from the cortisol rollercoaster.Irritability or Emotional Volatility: When we’re running on empty, small things become big things. You might have a shorter fuse – maybe you snap at your partner or get teary over a minor issue. For AuDHD individuals, emotional regulation can already be a challenge (ADHD is often associated with big swings of feelings or what’s called “Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria,” and autistic people can feel emotions intensely too). Exhaustion strips away the buffers we normally have. So that irritability, sadness, or anxiety that creeps in after a long day might actually be a symptom of fatigue. Think of little kids – when they’re overtired, they have meltdowns over nothing. We adults are the same, we just mask it better until we can’t.Avoidance and Withdrawal: You might cancel plans with people you actually like, or avoid a phone call from your best friend, simply because the thought of any interaction is overwhelming. This is often labeled the “social hangover.” After too much stimulation or masking, you might need to be alone, sometimes for days, to feel normal again. You might also pull away from work or responsibilities – like ignoring emails, procrastinating important tasks – not because you don’t care, but because you just can’t right now. Your system is forcing a shutdown of non-critical activities to try to recover.Lack of Motivation or Pleasure: When all your energy is sapped, even things you normally enjoy can feel like chores. A hobby you love feels too demanding. Meeting a friend for a fun activity feels daunting. This can be tricky because it can start to look like depression. In fact, chronic exhaustion and burnout can lead to depression, and they share some symptoms. One distinguishing factor some people notice: if it’s primarily AuDHD fatigue, when you do occasionally get a burst of energy or hyperfocus (say something really interests you or you had a very restful period), your mood and motivation bounce back. Whereas with clinical depression, even on good energy days you might not feel joy. It can co-occur though, so it’s always good to be mindful of mental health – but often what we think might be “I’m depressed or lazy” is actually “I’m burnt out and my brain is desperately trying to conserve energy.”Failure to Rejuvenate: The hallmark sign – you tried to rest, and it “didn’t work.” Like you slept in, but you still feel tired. Or you spent the evening doing nothing, but feel no more ready to face the next day. It might feel like you have a permanently low battery that never gets past 50%, no matter what you do. This is a big clue that something about the type of rest or the amount of rest isn’t matching what you need (we’ll address that soon). It can also be a sign of deeper burnout, where short-term fixes won’t cut it and you might need a more significant change or longer recovery time.Frequent Illness or Pain Flare-ups: I’ll mention this too – when you’re chronically exhausted, your immune system can weaken. You might catch every cold that comes around, or if you have conditions like migraines or fibromyalgia (common in neurodivergent populations), they might flare when you’re overtaxed. It’s like your body is waving the white flag through symptoms.Does some of that feel familiar? It’s not a fun list, I know. But recognizing these signs in yourself is important. It’s the first step to acknowledging, “I’m not lazy, I’m not failing at self-care – there’s something very real going on that I can address differently.”Now, the big question: What can we do about it? How do we recharge all these different batteries properly, so that rest actually means something and we can start to restore our energy (and maybe even prevent getting so drained in the first place)? Let’s move into the practical part: strategies and tips to manage your energy as an AuDHD person.Tips and Strategies for True RechargingAlright, now that we’ve dissected the problem, let’s talk solutions. The goal here is to help you rest smarter, not just more. We want to target the right kind of rest for the exhaustion you have, and also manage our lives in a way that prevents draining every battery to zero if possible. Here are some strategies and tips, a blend of personal experience, science-backed advice, and things that many neurodivergent folks find helpful:1. Identify What Kind of “Tired” You Are: When you feel wiped out, take a moment to do a self check-in: What exactly feels drained? Is it your brain (mental fatigue, too many thoughts)? Is it emotional (feeling numb or overly sensitive)? Sensory (craving quiet/darkness or feeling jumpy at sounds)? Physical (body is heavy, sleepy)? Social (sick of people, need solitude)? There’s no one right answer – it could be “all of the above,” but try to sense which ones are strongest. This matters because the remedy depends on the cause. If your tiredness is mostly physical, then physical rest (sleep, a nap, or just gentle activity) will help most. If it’s mostly sensory, then you might need low stimulation (noise-cancelling headphones, a dark room, minimal touch). If it’s mental, you might need to give your brain a break from consuming info – maybe do something hands-on or take a walk in nature without your phone. Practice asking yourself “What kind of tired am I right now?” and “What would truly feel nourishing?” It might take time to figure it out, but even just pausing and naming it can prevent you from automatically doing the wrong kind of rest.2. Embrace Different Types of Rest: Building on the above, familiarize yourself with the idea that rest is not just sleep or sitting around. There are many types of rest – some experts break it down into categories like: physical, mental, sensory, social, emotional, creative, spiritual. This might sound abstract, but it’s actually practical. For instance:If you’ve been around people all day (social drain), you likely need social rest – some time alone or with people who are “easy” to be around (like a close loved one who you don’t have to put on a show for).If your senses are overloaded (sensory drain), you need sensory rest – a break from input. That could mean a quiet dim room, or closing your eyes for a bit, or a soothing sensory experience like a warm bath (which calms the system).If you’ve been solving problems and on the computer nonstop (mental drain), your brain needs mental rest – do something low-demand like doodling, listening to gentle music, or literally daydreaming. Let your executive brain go offline for a bit.If you’ve been masking and managing emotions (emotional drain), you might need emotional rest – which could look like journaling your true feelings, having a good cry, talking to someone you trust and letting out all the bottled-up stuff, or just engaging in something that makes you belly-laugh or feel comforted. It also might mean giving yourself permission to not care for a little while about others’ expectations.If you have an under-stimulation fatigue (sometimes ADHDers get exhausted from boring routines), you might need creative or novelty rest – which ironically means doing something interesting that fills your tank (like a fun hobby, a new game, something that sparks joy). This is why “rest” isn’t always just doing nothing; sometimes our brains are tired from monotony and need a safe kind of excitement or creativity to feel revitalized.And of course, physical rest is important if your body is tired – that means sleep, nap, or gentle movement that helps you relax (like stretching, yoga, slow walking – often called “active rest” because it helps circulation and muscle recovery without being strenuous).Mix and match these as needed. Often, we need a combo. Say you had an overstimulating workday – you might need sensory + social rest (e.g. go to a dim room alone) and mental rest (don’t force yourself to tackle a big project in the evening). Or if you spent all day caregiving your kids (social + emotional + sensory drain, parents I see you!), you might need physical rest (put your feet up) plus emotional rest (vent to a friend or watch a comfort show that lets you feel something). Being intentional about the type of rest means your downtime is more likely to actually recharge the depleted battery, not just scratch some other itch.3. Schedule Targeted Recharge Time (and Protect It): We often plan our work or social events, but we don’t plan our recovery, and then it either doesn’t happen or gets eaten up by other things. If you know certain activities drain you, start building in counter-balances. For example:If you have a big social event on Saturday, block Sunday morning as “quiet time” for yourself in a way that addresses the expected drain. If the party will be loud and socially demanding, maybe Sunday morning is reserved for a nature walk alone (sensory calm + solitude).If weekdays drain your executive function (as they do for many of us), maybe declare one evening a week as “no-decisions evening” – prepare a simple routine meal or order takeout, and do a low-brain-power activity. Treat it like a meeting with yourself that you don’t cancel.Use tools like alarms or calendar reminders to check in with yourself during the day. Sometimes we literally forget to rest. A short pause mid-day to ask “How am I feeling? Need water? Need a break from noise?” can prevent deeper depletion. I personally have a sticky note on my monitor that says “Pause: Breathe & Feel – what do you need?” because otherwise hours go by and I haven’t even unclenched my shoulders.Learn to anticipate crashes: If you notice a pattern like “Every day around 3 PM I crash,” consider adding a 15-minute rest break at 2:30 – maybe a quick walk or a stretch, or listening to a calming song with eyes closed. It’s like a pit stop for your brain so it can finish the day.And importantly, protect that rest time. It’s tempting to give it up when someone asks a favor or an extra task pops up. But remember, without that recharge, you won’t be at your best and you might pay for it double later. Treat rest as an important appointment with yourself – because it is!4. Reduce Masking and Energy Leaks Where Possible: We can’t always drop the mask – the world isn’t always accommodating, and in some situations you might feel it’s necessary to appear “on.” But consider where you can safely be more yourself or make things easier:Communicate needs to close friends or family: Let them know that after a certain time or event, you might be quiet or need to leave early due to exhaustion. Educating the people around you that “I get overstimulated or drained and it’s just how my brain works” can build understanding and reduce the need to put on a show. If your friends know you’re going to be sitting in the corner petting the cat after an hour at the party, and they’re cool with it, you don’t have to force yourself to mingle beyond your capacity.Stim and relax, even in small ways: If you’ve been holding in all your fidgeting or sensory self-soothing at work, take bathroom breaks or “fresh air breaks” where you can wiggle, shake out, do some deep pressure (like a quick self-hug or wall push-ups) – basically let your body reset. These mini-releases throughout the day can prevent the massive end-of-day collapse.Delegate or use supports for executive tasks: Energy leaks happen when we spend way too long on something because our brain is struggling. If you can afford it or have the option, use tools to reduce effort: maybe that’s using a grocery delivery service instead of roaming overwhelming aisles, or using a scheduling app to remember appointments instead of trying to hold it all in memory. Perhaps at work you can ask for an accommodation like written instructions or a quieter workspace or flexible hours. Finding areas where you’re expending extra effort just to keep up, and finding a smarter workaround, can save precious energy for where you really need it.Learn where you can say “no”: This is tough, but are there social interactions or obligations you can limit? You don’t have to attend every gathering or help every person who asks, especially if you know it will overextend you. It’s perfectly okay to have a quota – like one social event per weekend, or keeping weeknights free – whatever works for you. Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself, to your rest.5. Calming the Overactive Nervous System: Since stress and sensory overload keep us in high alert, actively practicing techniques to switch into “rest mode” can be a game changer. Some approaches:Breathing exercises: Even something as simple as 3 deep slow breaths can signal your body to relax. One technique is the 4-7-8 breath (inhale for 4, hold 7, exhale 8) which can reduce anxiety. Or try diaphragmatic breathing (belly breaths). Doing this periodically, and especially before bed, can help lower that cortisol and adrenaline.Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and release muscle groups one by one. This not only relieves physical tension but also helps you notice where you’ve been holding stress (like “wow, my jaw was super tight!”).Sensory comfort: Use tools that help you feel safe and calm. For some, that might be a weighted blanket or a soft hoodie. For others, it’s noise-cancelling headphones or listening to white noise/rain sounds. Dimming the lights in the evening, using warm-colored bulbs instead of harsh white light, can cue your brain that it’s wind-down time. Basically, create a little sensory safe space for yourself when you need to recharge.Mindfulness or meditation: I know, not everyone’s into meditation, but even a few minutes of sitting and noticing your surroundings or your breath can pull you out of the racing thoughts and ground you. Mindfulness can also help with interoception – if you practice checking in with bodily sensations in a non-judgy way, you might start catching those “I’m thirsty” or “I’m anxious” cues earlier. There are apps and guided meditations specifically geared towards relaxation and body awareness, which some neurodivergent folks find useful (and if traditional meditation is hard, things like mindful walking or even a repetitive hobby can be meditative).Therapeutic supports: If anxiety or an overactive stress response is a major issue, consider professional support. Therapy (like cognitive behavioral therapy or somatic therapies) can help you develop coping strategies and address triggers. For some, certain medications or supplements that regulate sleep and anxiety (like melatonin for sleep, or as prescribed by a doctor, maybe an SSRI for anxiety) can also be part of the puzzle. There’s no shame in using every tool available to help your nervous system find balance.6. Tune Into and Honor Your Body’s Signals (Practice Interoception): This one is about building the skill of listening to your body. It might sound odd if interoception is an issue, but you can improve it with practice. Some ideas:Set external reminders to check internal states. For example, keep a water bottle at your desk as a visual cue to drink regularly, rather than waiting to feel thirsty. Have scheduled snack times so you don’t go 10 hours without eating. Use a bedtime alarm to remind yourself to start a wind-down routine, since you might not notice you’re tired until 2 AM when you’re dead tired.Use tracking or journals: Sometimes writing down energy levels or what you did and how you felt can reveal patterns. Maybe you notice “Every time I have back-to-back meetings, I get a migraine in the evening.” That’s a clue to insert breaks or coping strategies around meetings. Or “Whenever I skip lunch, I get really anxious by 4 PM” – aha, low blood sugar and stress might be combining. Tracking apps for mood/energy, or a simple diary, can improve your mind-body awareness.Body scan exercises: These are mindfulness exercises where you mentally scan from head to toe, noticing any sensations (tightness, hunger, discomfort, calm). Doing a short body scan once a day can train your brain to check in with places you normally ignore. You might catch “Oh, my heart is racing, maybe I’m more stressed than I realized,” or “My eyes ache, I might need to close them for a bit.”Don’t wait for crisis to refuel: If you start recognizing the earlier signs of being low on a certain “battery,” try to address it then, not when you’re already in meltdown or shutdown zone. This might mean proactively resting. For example, if you notice “I’m getting pretty peopled out at this gathering,” excuse yourself for a short break before you hit the wall. If you notice you’re getting headachey and cranky at work, maybe step outside or to a quiet restroom for 5 minutes, rather than soldiering on until you can’t function. We often override our early signals out of obligation or because we’re used to pushing through. Give yourself permission to pause before you crash – it can make a world of difference in recovery time and intensity.7. Replenish the Basics: It sounds almost too basic, but when you’re worn down, foundational health stuff becomes crucial: nutrition, hydration, movement, and sleep.Nutrition: A brain that’s out of fuel will feel tired and foggy. Try to eat regularly and include protein and complex carbs in meals to keep your blood sugar stable (wild sugar swings can mimic anxiety and fatigue). If you’re too tired to cook on bad days, no shame in keeping easy snacks or shakes around. The point is to give your body some real fuel. Also, deficiencies in things like iron, vitamin D, B12, etc., can cause fatigue – might be worth getting a check-up if you suspect it. Many ADHDers forget to eat; many autistics have limited diets – so a multivitamin or specific supplements might help if diet isn’t covering bases (ask a doc or dietitian).Hydration: Even mild dehydration can cause tiredness and headaches. Keep water or something with electrolytes handy. If plain water is hard, try flavored or fizzy water. We often forget to drink when hyperfocused or out of routine.Movement: This is tricky because when you’re exhausted, exercise sounds impossible. But gentle movement can actually create energy in the long run. It improves mood, reduces stress chemicals, and helps you sleep better later. The key is gentle and enjoyable: a slow stretch while watching a show, a short walk in fresh air, dancing to one song in your room – something that gets your blood flowing without feeling like a chore. It’s like giving your body a little tune-up. Some days you might only manage to move from bed to couch and that’s okay too; when you have the energy, try sprinkling small movement snacks into your week.Sleep hygiene: Since many of us have irregular sleep, paying attention to sleep hygiene is huge. That includes things like having a consistent-ish bedtime and wake time, making your bedroom as comfortable and low-stimulation as possible, avoiding screens right before bed if you can (blue light and information overload trick the brain into staying awake), or using tools like white noise, eye masks, or even melatonin if appropriate. Also, if racing thoughts keep you up, try keeping a notepad by the bed – jot down anything on your mind to “offload” it, or listen to a calming audiobook or podcast at low volume to focus your mind away from anxious thoughts (just not one that’s too stimulating). The goal is to help your brain and body wind down enough to get quality rest. If insomnia or delayed sleep phase (night-owl syndrome) is severe, consider talking to a doctor – there are interventions that can help (like light therapy, prescription meds, etc.). Don’t just accept terrible sleep as your fate – it’s something worth troubleshooting, because better sleep will amplify all your other efforts to recharge.8. Be Compassionate and Adjust Expectations: This might be the most important tip: be kind to yourself. Recognize that your fatigue is not a moral failing. You’re not lazy for being tired. AuDHD individuals truly do face more daily stress and effort – of course you’re exhausted! Start reframing rest as productive and necessary, not a luxury. It’s part of your health and effectiveness. Also, communicate and adjust expectations with those around you (and with yourself). Maybe you can’t do “all the things” in one day that others can – that’s okay. Quality of life improves when you stop comparing your energy output to neurotypical standards.It’s fine if you need two hours of downtime for every three hours of social time, or if after work your only goal is making a simple dinner and then chilling – that might be what allows you to thrive long-term. If you plan a restful vacation and you spend the first two days just sleeping and doing nothing – perhaps you needed that. Trust that meeting your needs is the path to unlocking your best self. When you do start feeling more recharged, you’ll actually be able to do the things you want to do, and enjoy them, which is the ultimate goal.Each small step – whether it’s learning to identify your tiredness type, or setting a boundary, or finding a perfect snack that keeps you from crashing – is a win. Celebrate those. We often have a perfectionist streak or we’ve been made to feel we’re not doing enough. But here you are, learning how to take care of your remarkable, unique brain and body. That’s absolutely something to be proud of.Reflection QuestionsAs we come to the end of this episode, I want to leave you with some reflection questions. These are meant to help you apply what we’ve discussed to your own life. You might consider journaling your answers, or just ponder them quietly. There are no right or wrong answers – they’re just prompts for self-discovery and practical planning.1. Which aspects of your life drain your energy the most lately? Try to name them: Is it social interactions? Sensory environments? Work-related executive function tasks? Emotional stress? Recognizing your biggest drains is the first step to addressing them.2. When you do feel recharged or have a good energy day, what helped? Think of a recent time you actually felt rested or upbeat – what had you done (or not done) leading up to that? Identifying even small things that rejuvenate you (like “I felt great after that hike” or “having a quiet morning to myself made a difference”) can give clues to the kinds of rest you need more of.3. What type of rest do you think you’re not getting enough of? (Physical, mental, sensory, social, emotional, creative, spiritual, or any category that resonates with you.) How did you realize this – what signs or feelings point to that deficit? For example, “I might need more sensory rest because I’ve been feeling jumpy and irritable by evening,” or “I suspect I need mental rest because my mind feels overloaded and I’m forgetting things.”4. How well are you noticing your own needs in the moment? Do you catch yourself getting tired, hungry, overstimulated early, or only when you’re at a breaking point? Reflect on one or two cues you might have missed recently (like “I missed that I was thirsty and got a headache”). What could you do to catch those sooner next time (maybe a reminder or a mindful pause)?5. What is one barrier that often stops you from resting or recharging properly? Is it guilt (“I feel like I should be productive”)? Is it external (too many responsibilities, lack of a quiet space)? Maybe it’s not knowing how to rest effectively. Write down that barrier. Now brainstorm one or two ways you could lessen that barrier. For instance, if guilt is a barrier, how can you remind yourself that rest is necessary (perhaps repeat a mantra: “Rest is refueling, not wasting time”)? If time is a barrier, what can you delegate or drop or reschedule to carve out a bit of downtime?6. What are some small recharge rituals you could build into your day or week? Think of tiny actions that give you even a spark of energy or calm. It could be a 5-minute tea break with no phone, or doing a silly dance when nobody’s watching, or stepping outside to feel the sun for a moment. Make a little list of “go-to quick rechargers” for yourself. These will be handy when you notice a specific battery running low.7. Envision your ideal restored self. Imagine that you have been taking really good care of all these different energy needs for a while. How do you think you would feel and act? Paint a mental picture: “I wake up feeling __, I go through my day feeling __, I have energy for __, I feel more __.” Describe the differences you’d notice in a well-rested, balanced version of you. This vision can be motivating – it’s not a fantasy, it’s something that can gradually become reality as you experiment with what works for you. What part of that vision could you start working towards now?Take your time with these questions – you might even revisit them periodically, because your needs can change over time or in different seasons of life. The purpose is to increase your self-awareness and to spark ideas for adjustments that can lead to better energy management.ConclusionWe’ve covered a lot in this episode, so let’s briefly recap: The simple “social battery” idea doesn’t quite cut it for AuDHD brains because our energy drains on multiple fronts – masking, sensory overwhelm, executive function effort, chronic stress, and missing our internal signals. Just “resting” in a generic sense often isn’t enough; we need the right kind of rest for the right kind of tired. The physiology of our brains and bodies explains why this exhaustion is real and not laziness. And the good news is, there are strategies to help – from mixing up the types of rest you get, to planning recovery time, to advocating for your needs and learning to read your body’s signals better.I hope you found some validation in this – you’re not alone in feeling this exhaustion, and you’re not failing when rest doesn’t magically fix it. It’s a complex issue, but you can make progress by understanding your unique energy profile. Even small tweaks – like using earplugs in a noisy place or taking a 10-minute brain break – can yield noticeable benefits. Remember, you deserve to feel restored and it is possible with patience and practice.Thank you for joining me today on Authentically ADHD. I’m proud of you for taking this time to learn about how to better care for yourself. If this episode resonated with you, feel free to share it with friends or anyone who might be running on empty and not know why. And if you have your own tips or experiences with the “social battery” and AuDHD life, I’d love to hear them – you can reach out on my socials or leave a comment.Paid subscribers get the downloadable “AuDHD Social Battery Decoder Kit” — a printable, fillable workbook that turns today’s episode into actual tools you can use when you’re fried.If you’ve ever rested and still felt exhausted, it’s not because you’re doing rest “wrong.” It’s because your brain wasn’t depleted by “socializing” alone — it was depleted by masking, sensory load, executive function taxes, stress activation, and not noticing your needs until your system was running on fumes.This kit helps you:identify what actually drained youmatch the right kind of rest to the system that’s depletedbuild simple recovery ritualsuse copy/paste scripts when your brain goes blankplan your week like an AuDHD nervous system deservesIt’s practical. It’s kind. And it’s designed for brains that hate homework.Until next time, be kind to yourself, pay attention to those batteries, and remember: rest isn’t a reward, it’s a necessity. Stay authentic and we will talk soon!This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Paid Bonus at end of this: Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe
