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Forgive & Forget's PodcastAuthor: Vic
Short and loaded with vital caregiving information. Over 13-years of experience, Vic has become one of the leading, down-to-earth, funny, and relatable personalities in the caregiving world. Language: en-us Genres: Education, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-Improvement Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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PART 3 "97% of Caregivers Do NOT Have These Skills"
Wednesday, 12 February, 2025
Here’s a common destructive pattern we experience every day, and skills to interrupt and break this pattern. You already know #1, It is your, Poor reaction. But if you’re not aware of your reaction, this will lead toBad decisions, then Anger, guilt, or regret set in, and finally, The despair (that won’t go away), This pattern goes in cycles. 1-2-3-4, right back to 1-2-3-4, right back to 1-2-3-4. This pattern is the reason for our energy sap. It’s the reason for our lack of sleep. This cyclical pattern is what is making us sick. And it starts with #1. Interrupt number one, and you can break the pattern. Here are two skills to jot down that can do that:Be aware of your poor reaction. Be aware of what you’re thinking. Be aware of your reaction. You can’t change what you are not aware of or what you don’t know. How many people do you know that pay attention to their thinking or what they say and do? Not many. So, what IS your reaction, and is it getting worse over time? Here are some examples…Dr. Eger and Dr. Frankl were aware of their thought and choice, “Do I relive the trauma, or don’t I?” “Do I give them that power, or not?” For us caregivers, we can be aware of the thought, “Well, here I am again with my impatience. Do I choose something different” Or do what’s easy and go back to what I know and just be cruelly impatient?” The thought and choice, “Do I or don’t I,” is very much a conscious thought and choice by any recovering addict or alcoholic. We can learn to be just as conscious. It is an extraordinary skill to be AWARE of the thoughts, emotions, and reactions that are not serving us. So, #1, be aware of your reaction. Identify it by which one is getting worse over time. There are lots of interruptive skills, and many are offered in Second Response; however, I’ll tell you what my go-to skill..s, skills (plural) are… First, I pause for a few seconds. Sometimes I need to breathe because I’m not breathing. So, pause. Take a second. Secondly, I remind myself I can’t control or change this disease or its symptoms (I can’t control this circumstance), therefore, this isn’t personal. #1 I pause, maybe take a breath. #2. I remind myself I can’t control dementia. So, #3, this isn’t personal. I can detach with compassion. These are the skills that make sense to me and work for me. Maybe they’ll work for you, but you’ll find something that speaks to you maybe better than mine do. At any rate… Now, you’ve stopped the pattern. You’ve stopped it at #1, at least enough to NOT move into #2, a bad decision which you may regret, and the despair won’t go away, which is #3 & #4. Now you can make a better decision. A quick point about bad decisions. They are usually impulsive, and (here’s the worst part) (they) become habitual. Because they’re easy! But they are also reckless and short-lived, and most likely, we’ll wind up having to deal with the same issue within the hour.Granted, that could happen anyway; this is caregiving, after all. But the more skills you gain, you’ll handle the repetition better and better. Those of you who have taken Program 1 know this program offers a lot of skills and ways to interrupt a reaction, thought, or bad habit. And those may speak to you betterSupport the show
