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When Giving In Becomes Winning
Wednesday, 21 January, 2026
A rabbi was once trying to give chizuk to his student to be mevater regarding an argument he was having with someone else. The student said, "But Rabbi, I'm right on this one." The rabbi answered him, "Vatranut is not when you're ninety-nine percent right and the other person is one percent right. Vatranut is when you're one hundred percent right — and you still give in." Rav Steinman zt"l used to say, "My whole life, I never saw anyone give in and lose as a result." When a person does give in and it appears that he lost, he must know that he has a golden opportunity to capitalize on. When a person maintains his emunah in Hashem at a time when things seem so off, he can rise to great levels and earn endless reward. We need chizuk to be able to hold on and continue trusting in Hashem, especially when it seems that the good person loses while the one who did wrong is gaining. But if we are able to do it, we will gain so much. A man named Yaakov told me that about five years ago, his wife told him it was time for them and their six children to move from an apartment into a house. In the area where they lived, houses were very expensive. He called a real estate agent and said he could afford a total of $1.8 million. If he found something that needed fixing, he would pay $1.2 million and use $600,000 to renovate. Yaakov mentioned to people that he was looking, and one man he knew told him he was planning to sell his home, which was close to where Yaakov was living. Yaakov knew that house well. It was a house he wished he could afford, but he knew it would be far beyond his budget. The man invited him to come see it anyway. The house was spectacular, and the owner told Yaakov that whoever offered closest to three million dollars would get it. Yaakov discussed it with his wife, and they thought of a plan that would enable them to offer more than they originally thought they could afford. He offered $2.675 million, and the man accepted. They closed the deal, signed the contract, and Yaakov made the first payment and placed it in escrow. All that was left was for the lawyer to release the money to the owner. Yaakov assumed he would be moving in very shortly. But when he called the owner to discuss it, he did not answer. Yaakov called every day for four days, with no response. Finally, he received a voicemail from the owner saying that he realized he could get much more for the house and wanted Yaakov to pay $300,000 more. Yaakov called him back and said the deal was already closed. The owner refused to back down, and they ended up in beit din. In Yaakov's mind, it was an open-and-shut case. But the owner's lawyer told Yaakov's lawyer that he knew how to avoid reaching a conclusion in beit din and would never let them win. Yaakov was shocked. He called his rabbi, who said that under those circumstances they would be allowed to go to secular court. As they moved to the next stage of the dispute, Yaakov's wife told him that she no longer wanted that house. She said she did not want to live in a house that came through machloket, even though it was their dream home and even though she desperately wanted to move. Yaakov called his rabbi again, and the rabbi told him that he would definitely see blessing by giving in and avoiding machloket. Yaakov then called the owner, dropped the case, and asked only for his money back. He expected that in the next few weeks the heavens would open and shower him with blessing. But nothing happened. A year and a half went by, and they were still living in the same apartment. One day, a real estate agent called and offered him that same house which was now selling for $3.5 million. Eventually, it sold for $3.8 million. Yaakov called his rabbi again, asking where the blessing was. The man who had backed out had made more than a million dollars, and he was still stuck in his apartment. The rabbi told him, "No Jew was ever mevater and regretted it. You will see blessing." Another year and a half went by. Then a real estate agent called him to see a very nice house for sale. When Yaakov heard which house it was, he immediately said it would be far beyond his budget. The agent encouraged him to look anyway. The house was beyond anything he had ever imagined. He recognized the owner as a cousin of his, and after touring the house, they spoke together. Because they were family, the owner made him a generous offer. The house was selling for five million dollars, but he told Yaakov he would sell it to him for $3.8 million, and allow him to pay the remaining $1.2 million in eighteen months with no interest. They shook hands, overwhelmed with gratitude to Hashem. A few hours later, Yaakov received a call from the owner of the house, who quoted to him a line from the Gemara that when someone gives another person a present, he is obligated to inform him of it. He explained that he had originally been dealing with someone else who wanted to buy the house, but that person wanted to move in before Pesach, and he himself did not want to leave until after Pesach. That buyer had just called back and said he was willing to wait until after Pesach and was now offering six million dollars upfront. The owner told that man, "It looks like Hashem doesn't want you to have this house, because He just sent me someone else a couple of hours ago." Then he said to Yaakov, "The house is yours, because I already agreed to sell it to you, and I will not back out. If you want, you could flip it right now, sell it for six million dollars, and make a profit." Yaakov was floored. He stood there frozen, not believing the words he had just heard. When he told his wife, she had the same reaction. Here Hashem showed him so clearly how giving in was being rewarded. He received the house of his dreams in a wondrous way, and today he is living there happily, Baruch Hashem. In the end, that first house he had been going to buy is still having problems, and the sale was never even completed. A person who is mevater will never regret it. It may take years to see the blessing, but eventually it will come.
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