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Mugging the PostmanUnfortunate antics with Manuel and Ana Author: Manuel & Ana
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Tales of Interest Pt. 1
Monday, 19 March, 2012
This is a "weekly" thing that we'll be doing that basically consists of nonsense we made up. This week's is filled to brimming with Portal references. The omnicidal and oh so anxious turtle One day, a rather preposterous-minded turtle decided he would go for a walk. The turtle was named Moses. He supposed that his toeses were roses, but he supposed erroneously. For nobody’s toses are made out of roses as Moses supposes his toeses to be. Yup. He exploded. Then due to some clever quantum mechanical technology, he recreated himself in to an omnipotent power-mad AI. Then he spoke: ‘GOOD LORD! I AM ONE MAGNIFICENT BEAST. MYTHICAL OR NOT.’ (Not being the appropriate word, he’s a freakin’ turtle for Christ’s sake) And so TURtOS was born. He turned to his old owner, his brilliant turtle-shaped rings spinning and said: "Look, we’ve both done a lot of things you’re going to regret, but I’m sure we can put our differences behind us. For turtles. You monster." -ana now inserts the only portal references she knows- ‘DON’T MAKE LEMONADE’ IT WAS A PARTIAL REFERNCE BUT THEN IT WASN’T. ASDFGHJ!!!! And stuff about cake. TURtOS then turned to the stupid little being who just made the failed Portal 2 reference and gave her a horrible look. Then a large extension to the Turtlre Science Pipe Network descended from the roof and began filling the room with some deadly neurotoxin. Manuel has got a big bottom. Then a lady called Caroline appeared. She got very cross at the newly-made TURtOS and began shouting at him to get out of her body. -that’s called rape- -it’s actually called another vague portal reference, but never mind- Caroline then removed the little turtle from the head of the magnificent being, and lay down on a surgical table. As the neurosurgeon connected electrodes to her head, she began screaming. And THAT children is why manuel is a silly face. Come back next week for more exciting tales of witchcraft and wizardry and things
