 |
Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thriveRespectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive Author: Jen Lumanlan
Parenting is hardbut does it have to be this hard? Wouldnt it be better if your kids would stop pressing your buttons quite as often, and if there was a little more of you to go around (with maybe even some left over for yourself)? On the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, Jen Lumanlan M.S., M.Ed explores academic research on parenting and child development. But she doesnt just tell you the results of the latest study - she interviews researchers at the top of their fields, and puts current information in the context of the decades of work that have come before it. An average episode reviews 30 peer-reviewed sources, and analyzes how the research fits into our culture and values - she does all the work, so you dont have to! Jen is the author of Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection & Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World (Sasquatch/Penguin Random House). The podcast draws on the ideas from the book to give you practical, realistic strategies to get beyond todays whack-a-mole of issues. Your Parenting Mojo also offers workshops and memberships to give you more support in implementing the ideas you hear on the show. The single idea that underlies all of the episodes is that our behavior is our best attempt to meet our needs. Your Parenting Mojo will help you to see through the confusing messages your childs behavior is sending so you can parent with confidence: Youll go from: I dont want to yell at you! to Ive got a plan. New episodes are released every other week - there's content for parents who have a baby on the way through kids of middle school age. Start listening now by exploring the rich library of episodes on meltdowns, sibling conflicts, parental burnout, screen time, eating vegetables, communication with your child - and your partner and much much more! Language: en Genres: Education, Kids & Family, Parenting Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
Listen Now...
Episode Summary 06: When Holiday Gift Boundaries Don’t Work (What Does?)
Sunday, 23 November, 2025
Have you ever opened a gift from your parent and felt your stomach drop? You've tried everything - wishlists, clear conversations, explicit boundaries about gift giving. But the packages keep arriving, filled with things that feel totally opposite from your values. And then you're stuck in this awful place where you're simultaneously angry at them for not respecting your boundaries AND judging yourself for not just being grateful. In this episode, I'm sharing part of a powerful coaching conversation with Sam, who's spent years trying to set gift giving boundaries with her mom. What we discovered is that when unwanted gifts trigger us this intensely, they're touching something way deeper than clutter or consumption. When I talked with Nedra Glover Tawwab recently, she advocated for very strong boundaries: if you get unwanted gifts, you send them back. How the other person feels about that is not your responsibility. You might decide that a hard boundary is the best option for you. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t address the hurt you’re feeling that is leading you to consider a boundary. Through an embodiment exercise, Sam found empathy for her mom's needs while still honoring her own need to be truly seen. But the real breakthrough came when we talked about what to do when your parent simply can't give you what you long for - and why that requires grief work, and not always stronger boundaries. Questions this episode will answer Is it normal to have resentment for your parents over gifts? Yes. When unwanted gifts keep coming despite clear boundaries, that resentment often connects to a deeper need - wanting your parent to truly see and understand you. What is the psychology behind excessive gift-giving? Gift givers are often trying to meet needs like staying relevant, feeling competent as a parent, creating connection, and mattering in their grandchildren's lives, especially when physical distance or other limitations exist. How do you respond to unwanted gifts without losing your mind? You can't just decide the gifts don't bother you anymore. It may help to mourn the relationship you wished you had with your parent, and get your need to be seen met through other relationships. What to do with unwanted gifts when boundaries keep failing? You can continue donating them through Buy Nothing groups, but the real shift happens when you stop attaching meaning to the gifts - when a dancing cactus becomes just a dancing cactus, not evidence that your parent doesn't see you. How do you let go of anger and resentment towards a parent? Through embodied mourning rituals - not just making a decision in your head. This might involve gathering with people who truly see you and symbolically releasing the longed-for relationship you're acknowledging you won't have. How do you set boundaries with parents when they won't respect them? Sometimes moving forward means you stop holding the door open, exhausting yourself while you wait for them to walk through it. You find other ways to meet your needs instead. What you'll learn in this episode
