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Joy Lab PodcastAuthor: Henry Emmons, MD and Aimee Prasek, PhD
Welcome to the Joy Lab Podcast! We're your hosts, Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek, and we blend soulful insights with practical strategies to help you navigate mental health challenges like chronic stress, anxiety, and depression. In each episode, we dive deep into the art and science of joy, exploring how to build resilience and flourish, even in the face of life's overwhelming moments. You'll probably resonate and benefit most from joining us if any of the below resonate: * You feel caught in cycles of worry or anxiety. * You feel STRESSED and sick of the symptoms that go along with it (feeling tired, achy/tight in your body, tension headaches, and lots of irritation or nervousness). * You feel overwhelmed by the news of the world around you and it's impacting your mood and focus. * The grind of day-to-day life doesn't feel meaningful to you and you want something more. * Your mind feels ridiculously busy, full, and foggy. You may even be waking up in the middle of the night (3am, anyone?), with your mind racing over stuff you can't shake. * You feel depressed too often or even just stuck in a "meh" or "bleh" kind of state. You also really want to get out of that low mood rut, feel happy again, and live your life more fully. Did you sense a heaviness in your chest or belly that was like... "yeah, I'm feeling that." If so, then join us every Wednesday for a new episode. As hosts of this pod and fellow humans, we've had those thoughts and felt those feelings too. We know the struggle. We also know the relief and what it's like to go beyond just a baseline of feeling "not so bad" and into a more joyful and flourishing state. Maybe best of all, we know how to help others do that too. We've been in the mental health field and doing this work for a combined 50 years. You can also trust that what we talk about and explore are solid mental health tools and practices grounded by modalities like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), positive psychology, and the science Language: en Genres: Education, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-Improvement Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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How to Love Fully When You Know Loss Is Coming [256]
Episode 256
Wednesday, 18 March, 2026
Grief doesn't wait for loss to arrive. Sometimes it shows up early — sitting beside you while someone you love is still right there. That's anticipatory grief, and if you've ever felt your mind drift to a future without someone while they're still in the room, you already know it. In this episode of Joy Lab, Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek explore the Eighth Gate of Grief: the grief, stress, anxiety, and dread that can accompany an expected loss — whether that's a terminal diagnosis, a parent's cognitive decline, a marriage ending, or even broader fears about the world your kids will inherit. Anticipatory grief can be a mentally and emotionally exhausting experience, and it doesn't get nearly enough airtime in conversations about mental health. Importantly, this episode won't tell you how to stop anticipatory grief — because you shouldn't. Research suggests it can actually support healing. What it will give you: science-backed tools for staying present, a simple framework for saying what matters most before it's too late, and honest guidance on sustaining yourself through anticipatory grief. If anxiety, depression, or stress around future loss is weighing on you — or someone you love — this one's for you. This episode is part of a 10-part series on grief. You can jump in here and circle back to Episode 248 when you're ready. p.s. Find a Simple Joy practice for this episode right here at our blog. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, ease anxiety, and uplift mood. Join Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek for practical, mindfulness-based tools and positive psychology strategies to build resilience and create lasting joy. Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with the Joy Lab Program. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review us wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts! And... if you want to spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free, then please join our mission by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram TikTok Linkedin Watch on YouTube Key moments: [00:00] — Introduction to the Eighth Gate: Anticipatory Grief [00:45] — What anticipatory grief is: the grief we feel in advance of an expected loss — terminal illness, dementia, a marriage ending, fears about the future of our planet or our children's world [01:00] — The extra "frosting" of this gate: dread, helplessness, and worry about what hasn't happened yet [01:15] — Anticipatory grief and cancer [02:30] — Anticipatory grief and Alzheimer's [04:00] — "We are apprentices to our grief, every time" — on never mastering grief, only practicing it [05:00] — FOBO: Fear Of Being Over — an earlier Joy Lab concept that connects to anticipatory grief and the pull away from the present moment [05:45] — Normalizing anticipatory grief: the goal is not to stop it, but to understand it [06:15] — The science: research on anticipatory grief shows it can actually be helpful — those who grieved some before a spouse died tended to have better outcomes afterward [07:30] — The void that often hits a month after a loss, when others return to their lives; how anticipatory grieving can build a support network that remains [08:00] — Anticipatory grief and early-onset Alzheimer's [13:45] — What anticipatory grief is really about: acceptance; facing truth instead of pushing it away [14:15] — Recognizing avoidance [14:45] — Anticipatory grief as a gift: time to say what needs to be said, to be present differently, to love fully even while grieving [15:15] — Practicing loving fully amidst grief; being kind to yourself about grieving while the person is still present; holding both the grief of the future and the goodness of the present — they can happen at the same time [16:45] — The Four Things That Matter Most (Dr. Ira Byock, hospice physician): Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you. [17:15] — Why saying these things — even imperfectly — creates completion and reduces regret [19:15] — The gift anticipatory grief offers that sudden loss cannot: the chance to share grief with someone, say the four things, have the conversation together [20:00] — Tending to your own wellbeing during anticipatory grief; checking your energy and nourishment levels; you have to take breaks, let people help, do nourishing things for yourself — it's not selfish, it's sustainable [21:45] — Small ways to refuel: a walk, a phone call, sitting outside, noticing breath; don't wait until you're depleted — build it in now; Letting people support you; they often want to help but don't know how — be specific; "Can you bring dinner Tuesday? Can you sit with her while I go to the store?" [22:30] — Anticipatory grief is a marathon, not a sprint; pace yourself; stepping back to breathe and enjoy lightness is not denial — it's wisdom [23:30] — Closing quote from Rilke: "Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final." Sources and Notes for this full grief series: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Grief Series: The Grief Series: The Wholeness of Being Human [part 1, ep 248] Everything We Love, We Will Lose: Navigating the First Gate of Grief[part 2, ep 249] Welcoming Back the Parts of You That Have Not Known Love [part 3, ep 250] Why You Can't Escape the Sorrows of the World (and why that's a good thing) [part 4, ep 251] Born to Belong: Grieving What Should Have Been There From the Start [part 5, ep 252] Breaking the Cycle: Ancestral Grief, Epigenetics, and the Power to Change Your Legacy [part 6, ep 253] How Facing the Harm You've Done Can Set You Free [part 7, ep 254] How the World's Pain Enters Your Body and What to Do Next [part 8, ep 255] Related Episodes: Savoring the Present and Overcoming FOBO (it's kinda like FOMO...) [ep 45] Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller The Four Things That Matter Most by Ira Byock, M.D. Beckes & Sbarra, Social baseline theory: State of the science and new directions. Access here Beckes, et al. (2011). Social Baseline Theory: The Role of Social Proximity in Emotion and Economy of Action. Access here Bunea et al. (2017). Early-life adversity and cortisol response to social stress: a meta-analysis. Access here. Eisma, et al. (2019). No pain, no gain: cross-lagged analyses of posttraumatic growth and anxiety, depression, posttraumatic stress and prolonged grief symptoms after loss. Access here Hirschberger G. (2018). Collective Trauma an d the Social Construction of Meaning. Frontiers in psychology, 9, 1441. Access here Kamis, et al. (2024). Childhood maltreatment associated with adolescent peer networks: Withdrawal, avoidance, and fragmentation. Access here Lehrner, et al. (2014). Maternal PTSD associates with greater glucocorticoid sensitivity in offspring of Holocaust survivors. Access here Maier & Seligman. (2016). Learned helplessness at fifty: Insights from neuroscience. Access here Sheehy, et al. (2019). An examination of the relationship between shame, guilt and self-harm: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Access here Strathearn, et al. (2020). Long-term Cognitive, Psychological, and Health Outcomes Associated With Child Abuse and Neglect. Access here Yehuda et al. (1998). Vulnerability to posttraumatic stress disorder in adult offspring of Holocaust survivors. Access here. Yehuda, et al. (2018). Intergenerational transmission of trauma effects: putative role of epigenetic mechanisms. Access here Full transcript here Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program. Please see our terms for more information. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
