Pillow Talks

Author: Vanessa & Xander Marin QCODE

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! Shes a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and hes a regular dude. Together theyre the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. Its the sex education you WISH youd had!
Be a guest on this podcast

Language: en

Genres: Health & Fitness, Sexuality

Contact email: Get it

Feed URL: Get it

iTunes ID: Get it

Trailer:

Get all podcast data

Listen Now...

E249: Help! I can’t orgasm with my partner. What do I do?
Thursday, 26 February, 2026

Not orgasming with your partner is way more common than most people realize. And for a lot of women, it turns into one of three coping strategies. Faking. Doing nothing. Or convincing yourself it’s “not a big deal.” In today’s episode, we’re talking about why so many women struggle to orgasm in partnered sex — even in loving, committed relationships — and how those patterns quietly shape your confidence, desire, and connection over time. Vanessa shares her own journey with orgasm, including the truth that even as a sex therapist, she didn’t always have this “figured out.” She opens up about faking in past relationships, feeling stuck, and realizing she needed real tools — not just reassurance — to experience pleasure consistently. If you’ve ever wondered: “Is this just how sex is for me?” “Am I asking for too much?” “Why does this feel so complicated?” This episode is for you. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The three most common ways women cope with not orgasming. Why faking feels easier at first — and harder over time. The real data behind the orgasm gap. What thousands of women said is holding them back from pleasure. How pressure, performance, and people-pleasing kill desire. Why “it’s fine” often leads to resentment. What to say if you’ve been faking and want a reset. How to start advocating for your pleasure without blowing things up. Why you deserve the same experience your partner is having. If you’ve ever felt confused, discouraged, or quietly frustrated about orgasm, please know this: you’re not broken, you’re not behind, and you’re not alone. This is something you can learn. And you deserve support while you do. 💗 Featured Resource: Finishing School Finishing School is Vanessa’s most technique-focused program, designed to teach you step-by-step how to have an orgasm alone and with a partner. Inside, you’ll learn: How your body actually works. What techniques create reliable pleasure. How to communicate what you need. How to stop guessing and start feeling confident. How to experience orgasms without pressure or performance. This is everything Vanessa wishes she’d had when she was struggling. 👉 Start here: vmtherapy.com/orgasm Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!