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The Grounded Union PodcastWelcome to the Grounded Union Podcast, hosted by Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen. Author: Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen
Welcome to the Grounded Union Podcast, hosted by Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen. In 2019, our marriage hit rock bottomso close to divorce that we thought there was no way back. But through deep healing, transformation, and a relentless pursuit of something better, we didnt just save our marriagewe created something more beautiful than we ever imagined. On our journey, we realized that the conventional advice from counselors, pastors, and mentors wasnt enough. So, we set out on an uncharted path, searching for real, lasting change. Now, standing on the other side, weve mapped out the exact process that restored our love, trust, and connectiona process we werent given but one we discovered through lived experience. This podcast is our invitation to you: to walk this path with us, to challenge the norms, and to build a marriage that is passionate, open, honest, deeply connected, and full of life. No one told us it was possiblebut were here to tell you: it absolutely is. Join us on this journey. Its not just about saving your marriageits about creating one thats stronger, richer, and more alive than ever. Language: en Genres: Education, Relationships, Self-Improvement, Society & Culture Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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My Wife Forced Me to Come Clean About My Addiction
Episode 9
Friday, 6 February, 2026
This week on The Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into the most vulnerable season finale yet with Jake and Ashley, a couple healing from ten years of hidden pornography addiction. Jake shares his journey from early confession and biblical counseling that didn't stick, to years of deception, to the traumatic revelation that nearly ended their marriage in 2023. Through two separations, Pure Desire recovery, recent relapses, and now daily vulnerability practices, they're discovering what true intimacy actually means. Brandon and Caitlyn unpack the neuroscience of addiction recovery, introduce the powerful Four R's framework (Recognize, Receive, Release, Replace), and explain why shame-based confession keeps couples stuck while ownership-based healing sets them free. Learn why your sexuality is deeply relational, how to calm your nervous system during the rewiring process, and the hope-filled truth that complete freedom from addiction is 100% possible.Looking for immediate support in your marriage?Grounded Union Couples App: Tap here to claim your spotWorkshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notifiedFollow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksenCheck out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionYouTube Show available hereTimestamps & Key Moments:00:00:36 – Season Finale Intro: Brandon and Caitlyn frame the conversation and welcome Jake & Ashley for the Season 3 finale.00:01:11 – The Crowbarred Confession: Jake reveals his addiction wasn't voluntarily confessed but was crowbarred out by Ashley in 2023 after nearly a decade of lies, manipulation, and hiding throughout their entire marriage.00:05:13 – Ashley's Late-Night Intuition: Ashley describes the night early in their marriage when she felt compelled to ask Jake about pornography—despite him denying it throughout their teenage relationship, he admitted he'd been addicted their entire relationship.00:08:32 – Pregnancy Crisis & False Assurance: Ashley explains her severe pregnancy condition requiring weekly hospitalizations while homeschooling four kids, feeling disconnected from Jake, but convincing herself "God did a miracle overnight" and he wouldn't relapse.00:13:02 – Redefining Lust and Sexual Desire: The conversation challenges traditional church definitions of lust, exposing how shame around sexual desire can create internal systems that protect secrecy.00:15:59 – The Denial Structure Framework: A spiritual category system (“between me and God”) is named as a hidden permission slip that keeps secrecy alive until it inevitably snowballs into relapse.00:19:04 – Doing What You’re Told Isn’t the Same as Healing: Freedom gets redefined from checklist obedience into building a vision for real marital union—and discarding any advice that doesn’t match that vision.00:23:07 – The Real Question: Why Share the Thought Life?: The conversation challenges the common fear that deeper disclosure “hurts her more,” arguing that unspoken loops and fantasies silently keep the betrayal system running.00:27:30 – Retraining the Reticular Activating System (RAS): Brandon shares a personal story of rewiring his mind during emotional exercises, explaining how he used the Four R's to retrain his brain's focus and data processing.00:32:20 – The Big Uglies vs. The Small Uglies: Focusing only on major behaviors while ignoring subtle thoughts, attractions, and dopamine hits is shown to be the very thing that fuels long-term relapse.00:40:12 – Personal Rewiring Journey: Brandon describes his own process of reporting every glance and objectifying thought to Caitlyn, demonstrating how he took ownership of his automated brain responses.00:46:45 – Collapsing the Denial Structure with Truth: Long-standing self-deception is dismantled by seeing every pattern, story, and justification clearly, leaving no space for hidden narratives.00:59:23 – 100% Healing is Possible: The hosts conclude the season with a passionate promise that anyone has the capability to 100% heal and rewire their brain, living a life entirely free from the curse of addiction.
