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Building ConfidenceI help people who feel anxious, lonely, or unworthy to rebuild their confidence and create a life rooted in love, gratitude, and kindness. Author: Sue Reid
This podcast looks at the topic of confidence with the aim of helping anyone who might be struggling with their self-esteem or anyone wanting to improve their self-confidence in certain areas of their life. suereid.substack.com Language: en Genres: Health & Fitness, Mental Health Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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It’s Not the Conversation, It’s What Happens Inside You
Thursday, 23 April, 2026
It was a gradual shift, but I was becoming more confident in social situations.There was still that initial social anxiety, the voice inside telling me to back out and stay safe. But I started to move through it. I could walk through the door, stay and even have decent conversations.That, for me, was a milestone.No longer turning around and going home.No longer staying in the background, hoping no one would notice me, while quietly wishing I could join the conversation.The days when people said, “Oh, were you there?” were gone.I had a presence.People remembered me.And that felt like a huge step forward.But there were still moments that felt awkward. The moments when the old voice would return.Reminding me that I wasn’t clever.Reminding me that I wasn’t interesting.From there, my newfound confidence would begin to shift.Those old beliefs, formed in childhood when everything I said seemed to be criticised, were still holding me back. Conversations had improved and were easier. But I wasn’t fully there yet.The awkward momentHave you ever been in a conversation and suddenly felt uncomfortable?Not because anything obvious had gone wrong, just something had shifted. You became more aware of yourself and your words. You wondered how you were coming across. What is the other person thinking right now?I had reached the point where conversation was easier, until I no longer felt in control.It could be something small:* I realised the other person might know more about the subject than I did.* Someone else joined the conversation.* I was asked a question I wasn’t sure I could answer.Even in ordinary conversations, there might be a moment when I suddenly felt exposed, unsure of what to say next. My inner voice would start saying, ‘I told you this would go wrong.’In that moment, I no longer felt safe being myself. My attention shifted from staying present to protecting myself.What is really happeningWhen this shift occurs, you stop feeling grounded.You might notice:* A slight sense of disconnection.* Increased self-awareness.* Less certainty about what you’re saying.This is the moment when it feels like you’ve lost confidence. You haven’t; you’ve just moved out of connection with yourself.How to respondInstead of trying to fix the conversation, focus on staying with yourself. Notice when you feel the urge to add another layer or explain further. Pause to check in with how you feel and with the reaction you receive when you leave your words as they are.That might look like:* Taking a breath.* Allowing a pause.* Not rushing to fill the silence.* Letting the moment be slightly uncomfortable.Confidence in communication isn’t about always feeling at ease. It’s about knowing you don’t need to control the conversation. You just need to stay with yourself as it happens.The goal isn’t to remove discomfort. It’s to remain grounded while it’s there.Something to reflect on this week* When do I notice that feeling of discomfort in conversations?* What changes in me in that moment?* Do I try to fix it, or move away from it quickly?* What might it feel like to stay present, even briefly?* Where could I practice allowing a small pause?Confidence Matters by Sue Reid is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.The theme for April in Confidence Matters has been communication confidence. This post is week 4. You might like to read the previous three.Week 1 - I Thought I Needed More Confidence to Be InterestingWeek 2 - You Don’t Need Better Words, You Need More Self-TrustWeek 3 - Why We Over-Explain (And What It’s Really About)If any of these resonate with you, and you’d like more personal support, you’re always welcome to explore ways we can work together.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe
