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AFL from LAAussie Rules LA style Author: AFL from LA
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Ep.25 - Carlton Win a Nail-Biter, Collingwood Hold off the Dees & More!
Tuesday, 12 September, 2023
https://youtu.be/VZocaFe0Nms AFL weather alert: Orange Tsunami inbound. AFL commentator alert: there are two teams playing, even if one of them is not from Victoria. Welcome back to AFL from LA. I am your host, Cindye, and I am standing outside of the world famous comedy club, The Laugh Factory, where everyone from Jim Carrey to Jerry Seinfeld have performed. Collingwood v Mebourne Sure, the Pies beat Melbourne in the first qualifying final, but the real winner of the game was footy itself, because a true sporting visionary has been confirmed. Simon Goodwin. First, Goody alerted us to the evils of tagging when his star midfielder, Clayton Oliver, was unfairly pantsed by Hawthorn’s Finn Maguniness. A crime against football, really. Now he’s shone a vital light on how footballers must, in a split second, stop mid air, not brace for contact, and must know if the player they might make contact with has ever suffered from a concussion. This is next level thinking, people! It’s not important when Goody said Maynard left the ground and knocked a guy out that he left out the part that Maynard left the ground to smother a kick. Goody sees the game in 4D, like Neo dodging bullets in _The Matrix_! And, Goody pointed out how the Dees beat the Pies in every single statistic. Sure, maybe not on the scoreboard, but that’s not important. I just want to applaud Simon Goodwin for not only being a gracious sport and a visionary, but for having the best interests of our game at heart. Bravo, Goody. I can’t wait to see what bullshit, I mean gems, you come up with next week after your do or die game against Carlton. Carlton v Sydney Best on ground? Blake Acre’s fingertips. The recruit of the year’s precious digits denied not one, but two goals, sealing a thrilling one goal win for the Blues over the Swans. Psst, Melbourne, if I were you, I would be targeting Acre’s fingertips from the opening bounce this Friday. The Blues Swans final had it all. Blurry score reviews. BT calling it. And players running recklessly into each other’s fists. Come on! What was Jack Martin _supposed_ to do? I really thought the Swans were gonna learn from watching the Dees that bombing it long inside 50 and kicking at 39 percent accuracy wasn’t the game plan to go with. But Longmire’s boys said, [bleep] Cindye! and put it down the Blue’s defenders throats all night, giving Weitering, Marchbank, and Newman a serious case of leather poisoning. _Hello, Newman_. It was the Blues first finals win since 2013, built on the back of contested ball brutality, courtesy of midfield beasts, Cerra, Hewett, and Walsh. And how great was Sexy Saad? Five intercept possessions in the last quarter alone. Opposition fans really need to stop booing him every time he kicks the ball. The Blues go into Friday night’s game without Jack Martin and Big Harry. But the Baggers have the midfield muscle to go toe to toe with the Dees. Plus the firepower up forward to kick a winning score. Can’t say the same for you, Dees. So if I had to make a prediction right here and right now, I’d say the Blues are gonna do something they haven’t done since 1995. Win back to back finals games. St. Kilda v GWS The Giants outclassed the Saints and broke the hearts of Channel 7 commentators to win at their 11th different venue this year and set up a semi final showdown against the Power in Adelaide. But let’s keep talking about St. Kilda. Right, Jobe and Luke? Okay, I will. A list full of passengers. A boring, ultra defensive brand of footy. A forward line that regularly goes missing. There was a Giants chant going around the MCG of all places, and they were still reviewing St. Kilda’s season. I thought this was the _Australian_ Football League. Where’s the interstate representation? Can you imagine if the NFL was controlled by, let’s say, Texas. And most of the teams were _in_ Texas. And most of the commentators were _from_ Texas. And the Superbowl was only ever played _in_ Texas. There would be a riot! Okay, deep breath, Cindye. The Giants were awesome and now they are the dark horse of this final series. Adam Kingsley wrote a single sentence on the whiteboard at the beginning of the season. _Why not us_? Jobe, Luke, care to weigh in? Or are you guys still talking about St. Kilda? Brisbane v Port Adelaide There was another power outage at the Gabba, and no, I am not talking about the lights. Port Adelaide gave new meaning to insufficient intent in the second half, going down to the Lions by 8 goals in the end. The Pear had no answer to Brisbane’s clearance game, conceding a whopping 81 points from that source, and conceding a season high 67 inside 50s. Sure, scores from clearances were damning, but when the game was up for grabs in the first half, Port kicked 2.5 from set shots and missed another _three_. Full credit to the Briz, though. The Big O was mighty, and Rayner, Dunkley, and Daniher were on fire. But what was even more impressive was the 36, 000 strong GABBA crowd, whose rendition of _Country Roads_ gave me absolute goosebumps. If the grand final was at the GABBA, I would be betting all my Bitcoin on the Lions. Wait, do I still have any Bitcoin left? But it isn’t. So I’m not. And I’m really sorry, Port fans, but I’m really starting to question whether the Power can handle GWS this Saturday. Buckle [00:06:00] up, footy fans. Adelaide Oval is going to be intense.
