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When Our Adult Children Walk AwayAuthor: Dr. Janet Steinkamp, EdD
My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words. In the early spring of 2019, under the coercive influence of her abusive gatekeeper partner, in the heart of the global pandemic and after several years of trying to sort through our erratic relationship, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family. I understand now that for a very long time, through her high school and college years, she tried to get her messages across to me. I recall instances when she asked me to listen, pay attention, and understand her better, to accept her evolving boundaries, to recognize her as an emerging adult, and to adjust my communication style to be more respectful of her emerging adulthood. She needed and expected a change in our relationship, in our boundaries, and in my recognition of her as a young woman. I didn't take her seriously and didn't listen to learn. I listened to respond, explain and convince. It took many months after she went no-contact for me to cycle through my grief. Like you, I experienced disbelief, anger and hopelessness before I could begin to recognize and accept my role in the reality of our circumstances. Even then, as I began to take responsibility for my contributions, my pain, confusion and hopelessness were often overwhelming. As difficult as it is to admit. I've come to accept that my contributions to our fractured relationship played a substantial role in her vulnerability to the charm of a narcissist. In her case, he was also her supervisor. The inherent power differential, her desire to please her boss, and her need for income positioned her perfectly to be manipulated and controlled. Eventually, she succumbed to his advances, and the rest is history. Today, I humbly and gratefully report that my daughter, our family and I have reconnected. My daughter found her voice and the inner strength to leave a toxic and dangerous relationshi Language: en-us Genres: Kids & Family, Parenting, Relationships, Society & Culture Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it Trailer: |
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When It Was Us - Episode 1: How We Got Here
Saturday, 25 April, 2026
What does estrangement actually look like before it happens? In this deeply personal episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp does something she has never done before — she opens up about her own estrangement, inviting her daughter Brianna to join her for a candid, unfiltered conversation about the years that led up to Bri walking away from their family.This is Part One of a three-part series. Together, Janet and Bri go back to the very beginning — tracing the roots of their disconnect through childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. What they find isn't one dramatic moment or a single unforgivable event. It's something far more familiar: the quiet accumulation of small things. A community obsessed with perfection. A home where honesty was punished the same as a lie. A daughter who learned to keep her guard up and manage everyone else's emotions while her own went unspoken.This is the story of the start - the foundation. And it probably sounds more like your family than you expect.The video recording of this episode is also available on YouTube at:https://www.youtube.com/@DrJanetSteinkamp IN THIS EPISODE- Why growing up in a community that valued perfection made it nearly impossible for Bri to feel safe being herself- How being punished for honesty and lying equally taught Bri that hiding was the only rational choice- The moment Janet realizes she didn't just raise a child — she raised someone who was quietly managing everyone else's emotions- Why gaining independence abroad didn't translate into trust or autonomy at home- The college graduation moment that changed everything — the first time Bri felt her mother was proud of her, not just her accomplishments- How "helicopter parents who never parked the helicopter" set the stage for what came next- A raw, research-backed look at why estrangement is more common than we think — and why it rarely starts with a single dramatic eventCOMING UP IN THIS SERIESIn Part Two — The Silence — Bri made a decision. She stepped away. And the family went quiet. Janet and Bri will talk about what that silence actually looked like from both sides: what Bri was feeling during those years apart, what Janet was feeling, and what it does to a parent — and a child — to disappear from each other's lives.In Part Three — The Long Way Back — they'll share what it took to find their way back to each other, and how the relationship they have today is more honest, more joyful, and more real than anything they had before they fell apart. That part of the story is possible. That is what this podcast exists to tell you.CONNECTConnect directly with Janet by sending an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. Please note: it is not possible to respond to Fan Mail posts directly.If this episode resonaHi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.For more information, please visit https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.comThe stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.
