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Distasteful ConversationsEnding Domestic Violence through stories of survivors Author: Moira Sharkey
A podcast dedicated to ending Domestic Violence by amplifying the voices of survivors. Formed in memory of Kathleen (Rafferty) Petrocco, sister of the podcast host, a victim of domestic violence whose life was cut short before she could become a survivor. Join us to listen to, learn from, and pick up the torch of survivors to end Domestic Violence. Language: en-us Genres: True Crime Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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Katherine Marie Papp-Mastin: Why did you stay? And other stupid questions
Sunday, 27 September, 2020
Why did you stay?This is the worst question that you can ask a survivor of Domestic Violence, and yet it’s one that Katherine Marie Papp-Mastin and I revisited in our conversation about the abuse she suffered over nine years to Alexander (not her abuser’s real name). Why did you stay? This is a question for outsiders, for civilians, observers, witnesses to violence – but not those who have experienced those horrors up close and personally. It is a simplification of an inherently complex, nuanced, messy situation, namely, that one person who claims to love another could cause that personal irreparable, devastating harm. We need to stop asking, “Why did you stay?” and instead ask violent men, “Why are you abusive?” Alexander did ask himself that question in therapy, church, and books, but the problem is he never stayed with anything long enough to find out the answer. Instead, his own childhood trauma of witnessing his parents abuse one another manifested in his treatment of Katherine, their child, and other women, including his own sister.Katherine shares with us her survival of an extraordinarily violent relationship. She helps us see life from the perspective of someone forced to seek refuge in a women’s shelter – or rather the four she visited with her young son in 6.5 months. She reveals to us the deep trauma that comes from not only the abuse, but what comes after you escape as you try to piece your life, yourself back together. Katherine shows us what you lose when you break free, and we all have to ask: Is it worth the price? Speaking with Katherine, a quote from Rachel Louise Snyder’s No Visible Bruises, was on repeat in my head, reminding me how little any of us understand about the strength of survivors: "Women like [Katherine] share this steadfastness. A determination and resoluteness to keep themselves and their children alive by any means possible. They don’t quit. They stay in abusive marriages because they understand something most of us do not, something from the inside out, something that seems to defy logic: as dangerous as it is in their homes, it is almost always far more dangerous to leave." Trigger warning: Episode includes reference to extreme physical violence, guns, and guns pointed at a child.
