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Living in a BodyMusician and writer Hal Walker weaves personal stories, music and community from his bed as he survives increasingly severe ME/CFS. Author: Hal Walker
Hal Walker, Ohio musician and writer living with severe ME/CFS, weaves music, stories and community from his bed. halwalker.substack.com Language: en Genres: Music, Personal Journals, Society & Culture Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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Stippling
Saturday, 8 November, 2025
StipplingI’ve been stippling lately. I had to pull myself away from stippling to record this podcast today. In the last two days, I’ve started three new stippling projects. In the last couple months, I’ve stippled for many, many hours. Yep, I’m a stippler. I’ve entered my stippling phase.If you don’t know what stippling is, I’ll tell you it’s using thousands and thousands of tiny black dots to create beauty. All the dots come together to give the illusion of smooth, glassy shades of gray. It requires precision, a steady hand, and tremendous patience. I discovered stippling several months ago, and now I’m a full fledged stippler — hours and hours of stippling, thousands and thousands of tiny dots. I keep asking myself, “Is it worth it?”It started a couple months ago on Facebook when I came across the term “sacred geometry.” I thought, “Hm.” And I started exploring. What is this “sacred geometry?” When I was in high school, I loved geometry. I remember the circles. I remember the triangles. I have a vague recollection of loving the formulas. It’s all the distant past by now, but I just remember that I loved that class. And the idea that sacred geometry exists in art got me excited.So I headed down the YouTube rabbit hole. The term sacred geometry led me to the world of mandalas. I bought myself a compass and a straight edge and I made a few of ‘em myself. And the world of mandalas led me to the world of Islamic geometric art, traditional patterns of repeating lines and tessellating shapes. And that has been my focus and my passion for a couple of months now.I’m fascinated by the interaction of the shapes, the squares, the stars, the almond shape, the circles, the pentagons, the octagons and all the shapes in between. They all fit together to unfold a beautiful sacred geometry.Many of the people who are doing Islamic geometric art are using watercolor to make their design come alive. They build the construction of the design with pencil and then add the color to make it pop. But I, on the other hand, am using “stippling” to bring life to the pattern. With stippling, I’m working with about five shades of gray when all these tiny black dots come together. It’s these glassy panes of gray that turn a complex geometric pattern into what I consider to be a living, breathing, ever changing kind of vibrant, brain=friendly, solving-a-puzzle piece of art.As I construct these patterns and fill them with shades of gray, I’m finding great satisfaction and enjoyment. Very slowly, I’ve been filling up this beautiful “Seawhite” sketchbook with tiny black dots. And the whole time I’ve got this nagging question. Is the result good enough for the amount of time that I’m putting into this? Is it worth it?Islamic art is brand new to me and I’m really excited. Next week, I’m going to be attending an all free, online “Islamic Art Week.” If you’re interested, you could join me. I can’t wait to see all the different flavors of design and calligraphy and geometry. These are ancient patterns, hundreds of years old, that were found on mosques and other architecture in the Middle East.I wish I could say more. I’m just at the beginning of the journey, but from what I understand, in the mosques of Persia, which is Iran today, they weren’t allowed to display images of people. So instead, they displayed these geometrical patterns of shapes that intertwine and tessellate and repeat to form these amazingly complex, symmetrical and timeless works of art. I’m finding that these patterns touch my brain in such a beautiful and satisfying way. It’s like my brain has been craving this kind of geometrical activity. I love it so much. The 10th grader in me from geometry class comes alive with a compass and a straight edge.The process is fascinating. I’m following very precise instructions, one step at a time, building a structure that underlies the design. It all begins with a circle and a square around that circle. Because of the tessellation, or the repeating nature of the design, I’m just creating one quarter of the finished pattern. I repeat that quarter of the pattern and the repetition causes all kinds of unexpected things to develop.Using a hard pencil. I create the underlying construction of the pattern with geometry. Once the construction is made, the simple, beautiful, repeating pattern shows itself and I do the incredibly satisfying process of lining out that final pattern with a straight edge and a black fineliner. And then I use one of those gray putty erasers to erase all the pencil line. And then on the bright white, smooth cottony paper, this luscious, clear, logical and simple design is born. And I begin the process of stippling — filling in the shapes and making the design come alive.I’ve become a much better stippler in the last couple months. When I started off, there was a kind of panic to it. I realized the kind of patience it was going to require and I didn’t have the patience. I wanted to go fast. But the truth about stippling is… it’s a very, very slow process, thousands of dots, one dot at a time. It takes hundreds and thousands of dots to make any progress on a piece. I felt like I needed to rush. In the rush, my stippling was messy. Many of the dots turned into dashes and left this unclean look to the stippling. But I’ve gotten better. I’m learning to be patient with my stippling.Stippling is essentially a mindless activity, but it takes real precision and care. When I take my time with a stipple, it turns clean and glassy on the page. It feels like a fine film on the paper and it’s quite satisfying.But it has brought up a lot of questions for me. It’s brought up these kind of existential questions, like, “Is it worth it?” As the minutes and the hours of tapping pass, questions come into my head and I wonder, “What am I doing this for?” Here I am filling these pages with thousands of dots, and I’m asking, “Is this the way I should be spending my life?”But when I finish a section of stippling and I rub my hands smooth over that fine paper and I can feel the glassy film of the black ink, I see the beauty. I feel the satisfaction.I’m gonna show you some of my work here, but I want to make clear, it doesn’t translate well on the screen. Trust me, you need your hands on the paper to get the full effect. I love to brush my hand over the fine softness of this high quality art paper. But I keep asking myself, “What’s the point? What’s the purpose? Is it worth it?” I mean, what am I doing this for? Who’s even going to see it?You know, when I was making music, there was always an audience. But art is different. I mean, I could be posting on Instagram, looking for likes, looking for affirmation. And I can take a picture and send it to my mom. She loves to see what I’m making. Or maybe someday when I fill up the book, I can pass it on to my grandkids. They can keep it on a shelf somewhere in their future house. Whenever someone comes to visit my house, I always break out the sketchbook to show ‘em my stippling. I appreciate the way Annette pauses and lets each page kind of soak in.But it brings up this whole question of, what is the purpose of art, especially this particular craft that takes so many hours to make it happen, and I’m not even certain that it’s great work. You know, I could be writing my memoirs or composing an orchestra or teaching a child or changing the world or writing a letter to an old friend or creating my next Substack. But instead, I’m sitting here tap, tap, tap, tapping, essentially coloring in these shapes with thousands of tiny dots.It’s essentially glorified coloring. That’s what it is. It’s glorified coloring. And I don’t want to be a coloring book artist. Mind you, I’m not judging all the people that are out there coloring with coloring books. But I grew up in a household with an artist mom who didn’t really allow coloring books in the house. We had to make the books ourselves. And I guess that’s what I’m doing with the Islamic design. I’m following ancient geometrical instructions to create an outline and then coloring it in with stippling. I’m basically a glorified coloring book artist. (lol)I’m not sure what the problem is, or if there is a problem. It’s a beautiful and satisfying process of art making that I’m taking part in. But I just don’t know what the purpose is. What is the purpose of art? That’s the question. That is my question. what is the purpose of art? What is the purpose of filling up this sketchbook?I find it very peaceful. I love making these patterns. It’s such a fun and exciting process of unfolding. Maybe that’s enough. Maybe it’s enough just enjoying the process. I think that’s it. It’s about the process. Am I tapping these taps with intention and love? Am I bringing beauty into the world? Am I bringing peace into my life and spreading it to others? It could be that the final product and who sees it is really not that important… maybe.So that’s basically the whole story. I’ve been stippling. I’m becoming a master stippler, one dot at a time, one little shape at a time. I’m creating beautiful glazes of gray.You know, stippling fits my energy level quite well. As you know, I’m living with chronic illness. I can’t go out in the yard and tend the garden or rake the leaves or clean the garage. I’m not well enough to go on a bike ride or a walk. And often, I’m just not well enough to use my creative juices for much of anything. But I can handle stippling sitting up in that chair with a pad under my butt, tapping that pen over and over.You know, another word for stippling is pointillism. I haven’t really warmed up to that term. It feels a little bit above my pay grade. I’m doing stippling, thousands of tiny dots on paper, satisfying my brains craving for the gray scale… and wondering what the purpose is.Please! Come over to my house. Ask to see my sketchbook. Give my life some purpose. I’m dying to show it to people. I want you to rub your hands over it. I want you to feel the smoothness of the paper, this fine paper. And I’ll leave some pictures here, but trust me. They don’t, they don’t live up to the real beauty of the page.So, I’ve started three new stippling projects in the last few days. Beginning a project is like, Oh, my God, there are many, many hours of patient stippling ahead. At the beginning, it can feel a bit overwhelming. But, filling in just one shape at a time, eventually the work gets done.You know, sometimes it occurs to me, I could be hiring child labor to do this work. Hire some kids five bucks an hour to stipple for me. (lol) I don’t know if that’s legal or not, but it does occur to me. It’s like, what am I doing? A 59 year old man, highly intelligent, very creative man sitting here poking dots over and over. I could have kids doing this. I’m just kidding about that, but it is. It’s mindless work. It’s mindless work that this 59 year old man is quite enjoying in his retirement.But I do get to experience the satisfaction, I mean, when the whole piece is done, and my eyes get to gaze out over that field of gray, that smooth, glassy, kind of film of gray, I can just sit there and gaze at the real beauty with a good sense of satisfaction. It makes it all worth it, all that repetition, all that mind numbing labor.Let me tell you one more story. When I was in college, I worked at the Noyes Cultural Arts Center, and I was an office assistant. I was terrible. I would show up with my long hair, unshaven, messy clothes, holes in my clothes, stinking like a hippie. For three years, I worked at the Noyes Cultural Arts Center with Toni Sinclair, and my favorite thing was to go across the street and get Toni her donuts and coffee. And I’d bring it back and we’d all sit at our own desks and I’d eat my donut and my coffee.But what I loved is when she would give me a mindless job. Like, “Here Hal, here’s 1000 envelopes to address, to put the sticker on,” or “here’s 1000 envelopes to seal.” I love that kind of repetitive, mindless work. I was so grateful when she’d give me a job like that. I could just lose myself in the repetition of the task. Unlike my co-worker, who would come up with projects on her own and make good things happen in the office, I just sat there… waiting for my shift to be over. I did not like office work. I wasn’t cut out for it, but whenever I was given a mindless job, I could do it. I could do it for hours.And that’s kind of what stippling is. It’s this mindless, meditative, mildly maddening, very peaceful, very quiet. I don’t listen to music, I don’t listen to a book. I just sit there, dot after dot after dot after dot — thousands of dots and I stipple.That’s my whole story for today. Thanks for listening.So if you wonder where I’ve been lately, I haven’t been writing for Substack. I’ve been stippling and I hope someday that I get to have a… you know, maybe I’ll have a show someday. Maybe someday I’ll frame some of these and have a show. Maybe I’ll be a famous stippler. Who knows.But tell me, what is the purpose of art? I’m really interested. Besides filling up this sketchbook and putting it on the shelf somewhere and passing it on to my grandchildren and teaching them Islamic geometric art and stippling. Tell me. Tell me. What’s the purpose? What’s the purpose for creating beauty, other than enjoyment, my own enjoyment. Maybe that’s enough. So that’s my big existential question for the day. What’s the purpose of art? What’s the purpose of stippling? Thanks so much for listening. I really appreciate you being here.All right, I’m gonna go stipple some more. Hey, by the way, if you woke up this morning, enjoy. Enjoy that body. Enjoy that sacred body. Not everyone gets to have one today. I know several people that don’t — that body that is such a miracle with five senses inside and all those organs that are working, you know, all the things that had to go right for us to be alive today, it’s a miracle. Thank you.Come visit me sometime. Put your hands on my stippling. All right, everybody, have a great day. Bye. Bye. Get full access to Living in a Body at halwalker.substack.com/subscribe
