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Peter Alsops SONGS TO CHEWAnd now, ... we're here! 50 years of songs, poems & and videos with laughter, life lessons & music that have been helping folks live better for years. Glad you're here too! Author: Peter Alsop
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The Hug
Monday, 1 December, 2025
This true story was made into a song by an old friend, The Reverend Fred Small. He’s a wonderful singer-songwriter, performer; an activist and pastor dedicated to healing the earth, seeking justice, and tending our wounded spirits. His song’s about a therapist named Dan Murrow, who was fired for hugging his patients. He was convinced that hugging between consenting adults was therapeutically helpful, contrary to the hospital’s policy. The story made the papers in Boston back in the late ‘70’s. I actually met Dan Murrow at one of the National Conferences on the Healing Power of Laughter and Play. Of course, we hugged each other when we met.THE HUGDan Murrow is a mighty friendly man CBig and round like a bear F-CAnd he hugs his friends and his friends hug him C–D7Anytime, anywhere G-G7When his patients would come for therapy CTo drive their blues away FSooner or later, they’d feel a lot better C-F‘Cause this is what he’d say, G-G7Cho: I want a hug when we say “Hello”, CI want a hug when it’s time to go, FI want a hug, ‘cause I want you to know GThat I’m awfully fond of you! G7-CI want a hug, now if you please CI want a hug, I want to feel you squeeze FI want a hug, well it certainly seems G-G7Like the natural thing to do! G7-CNow when the Head of the hospital heard about itHe got all annoyedBecause hugging is ‘sexual sublimation’According to Dr. Freud!You can beat ‘em down, you can hide ‘em away,You can keep ‘em quiet with drugsYou can strap ‘em and zap ‘em with electroshockBut you better not give ‘em a hug!ChorusSo the boss said “Dan, clear out your desk!Your conduct is lax and lewd.Any deviation from standard medicalPractice can get us sued!”Now Dan don’t feel so bad for himselfIn fact, he’s kind of proudBut he’s sorry for the folks who are locked awayWhere hugging ain’t allowed!ChorusWritten by Fred Small, ©Copyright 1981, Pine Barrens Music (BMI)On Fan Club Favorites and Ebenezer’s Make Over (full length feature!) peteralsop.comHuman feelings are often discounted in our places of work, our institutions, our churches, mosques and temples, our hospitals, schools and universities. Our society has a very limited understanding about the powerful part that our ‘feelings’ have, as they affect our own health and sense of wellness, which in turn, impact the health and the day-to-day functioning of our organizations.Many of us who work on recovery in our personal lives, regularly see positive changes in ourselves and our families when we pay attention to what’s going on for us in the feelings department. Unfortunately, trying to live up to the many expectations we face daily, can threaten our personal sobriety! We are asked to work harder and longer than is healthy. We’re asked to be dishonest, or at least to keep our mouths shut if we see something going on that may be unjust or unfair. We’re expected to triangulate; go around certain people who might not approve of what we’re doing, so we actually practice avoiding them. In order to be accepted, we find ourselves being manipulative or overly critical of others, and we ‘smoosh down’ our more sensitive selves and our caring feelings, so we ‘don’t get accused of ‘making waves’.People like Dan Murrow say, “If I must choose between working here and being healthy, I choose health.” But when we commit to making ‘healthy choices’, we’re often the ones who get replaced, canned, fired! When we draw a line, and stop enabling, accepting and ignoring other people’s unhealthy behaviors, we create problems for an organization, because when we do that, other people feel uncomfortable. They don’t want to change their old addictive behaviors and patterns. Dan Murrow got fired because some people in the organization were uncomfortable with his behavior.Guidelines about ‘not hugging’ our patients are set up because some people with authority learn that ‘touching’ is a very potent physical practice that instantly defines and delineates who has ‘power’ to touch another person in the organization without first asking permission. And they don’t want to give that up.Ellen Bass, the co-author of ‘The Courage To Heal’ suggests that there are many needy therapists who actually do ask for inappropriate hugs from their already vulnerable patients or clients. Many people have been physically or sexually abused by someone in a more powerful position. Therapists need to take care of our own hugging needs outside of our practice.I understand that Dr. Dan Murrow would always ask patients if they would like a hug before he’d hug someone. He was interested in working to break down some of the stigma associated with ‘caring touch’ as a therapeutic aid in a trusting relationship. For those of us who lived through the 60’s and 70’s, it’s clear that the practice of hugging others has moved light years beyond where we were back then.We have also gone through having Co-Vid run rampant in our midst. There’s been a whole lot less hugging since we learned that the virus is spread through the air and through touch. Even with our heightened awareness of how Co-Vid and other infectious diseases spread, we still see people with power who touch others physically in ways that clearly demonstrate the inequities that exist between the ‘touch-ers’ and the ‘touch-ees’.It was difficult for my Dad and the men in his generation to hug other men because of the stigma of homophobia, and not wanting to appear ‘gay’. I was in my twenties and in college, and I remember knowing my Dad was uncomfortable when I hugged him, especially in public. I sort of enjoyed his ‘discomfort’ while I was holding him. He’d pat my back and try to break away, but I wouldn’t let him go. I’d say, “Dad, … that was a very short hug. Were those ‘pats on my back’ your signal that the hug was over for you?” He’d laugh, and struggle, but of course, I still wouldn’t let him go. I’d start discussing things with him. “Dad, … do you think a hug should only last a required amount of time? Or are you having homophobic concerns that one or both of us might be gay? And why are you ‘the one’ who gets to determine when we stop hugging!” He’d try to pull away, still protesting that he wasn’t homophobic, … and he’d stop, and give me a big sloppy kiss, and we’d both have a good laugh.I notice young Dads today spend lots more time holding and hugging their kids than our parents did. It’s slow, but we’re definitely moving in the right direction!Thanks for stopping by. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful for someone you know.Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Peter Alsop’s ‘SONGS TO CHEW’ audio podcasts!Thanks for reading Peter’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Thanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it. Click HERE to purchase Peter’s albums: cds-dvds-movies-and-songbooksTo send me a comment, sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, or you can always email me at peter@peteralsop.com. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. 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