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Able to CareAuthor: Able Training Support Ltd
Join host Andy Baker (author, speaker and educator) for Able Trainings care-focused podcast Able to Care. For paid and unpaid caregivers, teachers and parents to better understand themselves and those they support. With twice-weekly episodes covering understanding people, promoting self-care and resilience, signposting support and services, strategies to reduce stress and distress, promoting good practice and ensuring positive outcomes for all. Includes special guest experts, caregivers and those with lived experience. Language: en Genres: Health & Fitness, Medicine Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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Is It Lying or Coping? Understanding Children’s Behaviour for Parents, Teachers and Caregivers
Episode 191
Thursday, 2 April, 2026
“He’s lying.” It’s a phrase heard in classrooms, homes and care settings every day - often said with certainty. But what if that certainty is where we get it wrong? In this solo episode, behaviour specialist Andy Baker challenges one of the most common assumptions in parenting, teaching and caregiving: that lying is always a conscious choice. Instead, he explores a deeper perspective - that behaviour, including lying, is often a strategy to cope with fear, shame, stress or lack of skills. Through a relatable school scenario and practical step-by-step guidance, Andy breaks down how our responses can either build honesty… or unintentionally teach children to hide. If you support children or vulnerable individuals, this episode will help you move from reaction to understanding - without losing boundaries. ⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters) 00:00 – “He’s lying” - the assumption we rarely question 01:00 – Behaviour as a coping strategy 01:40 – The school scenario: caught with the evidence 02:00 – Certainty vs understanding 02:30 – The hidden assumption behind “lying” 03:00 – Confirmation bias and labelling 03:30 – A better question: what was the behaviour doing? 04:00 – Stress, needs and behaviour explained 05:00 – Why punishment can make lying worse 05:30 – The 5-step approach begins 05:40 – Step 1: De-escalate the identity attack 06:30 – Step 2: Separate facts from feelings 06:50 – Step 3: Teach a replacement behaviour 07:30 – Step 4: Focus on repair, not punishment 08:00 – Step 5: Reflect when calm 09:00 – Why children can’t learn in survival mode 09:30 – Applying this beyond children (adults & dementia) 10:30 – When lying is actually confusion or memory 11:00 – The key takeaway: test before you label 11:30 – The arm-folding exercise (habit vs awareness) 12:30 – Final reflections and practical application 🔑 Three Key Messages Behaviour is often a strategy, not a character flaw. What looks like lying may actually be a child trying to cope with fear, shame or overwhelm. Punishment without understanding can reinforce the behaviour. If lying protects a child from distress, punishment teaches them to hide it better - not change it. Connection and curiosity create lasting change. When we understand the “why” behind behaviour, we can teach better skills instead of reinforcing fear. 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode? You’re a parent, teacher or caregiver dealing with “lying” behaviours You want practical strategies that go beyond punishment You’re looking to balance boundaries with empathy You want to understand behaviour at a deeper, psychological level You’re supporting children, young people or vulnerable adults under stress 📚 Resources Mentioned Able Target System (ATS) – Practical framework for behaviour support Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge – Andy Baker 🌐 Able Training & Podcast Links Podcast: https://www.able-training.co.uk/podcast Website: https://www.able-training.co.uk LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-support Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingsupport Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletrainingsupport 💬 A question to reflect on If a child feels safer lying than telling the truth… what does that say about the environment they’re in?
