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Football RanterAuthor: Football Ranter
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Season 3 Episode 5 — Fog, Fraud, Diminutive Florian Wirtz, and a Panda
Saturday, 15 November, 2025
⚠️ Warning: A boiler, a vape, and a Bundesliga highlight reel walk into a pub and somehow Arsenal still bottle it. Between VAR smoke, Klopp worship, and a tiny German midfielder giving everyone an existential crisis, the Tun hits new levels of combustible nonsense.In this week’s carnage:💨 Chapo hallucinates from boiler vapours and declares himself head of UEFA Comms🔴 Arsenal praised, mocked, then diagnosed with chronic bottle-syndrome within three minutes🧠 Tony compares Arteta’s tactics to “trying to toast bread with a lighter”🧴 Irish Ken sells “official VAR fog” bottled from the men’s toilets⚽ Liverpool fans re-write history while Jürgen’s veneers blind two pensioners💩 Florian Wirtz described as “the size of a lamppost plug-socket” yet apparently the second coming📺 VAR replay replaced by a YouTube clip titled “Wirtz vs Physics 2024”🪓 Stick of Justice used to point at the telly every time Trent misplaces a pass🐼 Existential question raised: Is Leandro Trossard actually a panda in disguise?🍺 Old Man in the Chair demands “proper football” and immediately falls asleep🚓 Police arrive over “unlicensed punditry” and leave arguing about xGSo crack a tin, inhale the fog, and join Chapo AND Bomb as the lads dissect Arsenal’s mood swings, Liverpool’s deluded fans moral-superiority complex, and the legend of the five-foot-three phenom Florian "£8.5m" Wirtz all through a haze of burnt heater oil and bad decisions.💩 P.S. VAR still stands for Very Arse Results.💩 P.P.S. Sheffield is still a shithole. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
