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The Coming Out ChroniclesPractical mental fitness tools for busy leaders to lead calmly, decide clearly, and perform without burnout. Author: Nancy Shadlock
That moment: your palms are sweating, your stomach is churning and you're full-on scared. You have to tell someone something. About yourself. About your life. You don't know how they'll take it. You fear the worst. That's a "coming out" moment. Whether you're LGBTQ2S or not, you'll be inspired by Nancy Shadlock, CEO and Founder of Centered Life Coaching and her guests as they explore "coming out" stories of all kinds. Listen in weekly as people talk about coming out as trans, as a sex therapist, or share coming out about domestic abuse they've endured. Meet everyday people getting their brave on. We're all hiding in closets of our own making. Everyone has a different story. We are always evolving. We can shed what's no longer true for us. Be inspired by those who left the closet for something better and are willing to talk about it to help you find the courage to rock the next evolution of your own coming out story. nancyshadlock.substack.com Language: en Genres: Health & Fitness, Religion & Spirituality, Sexuality, Spirituality Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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Disagree on Politics. Don't Destroy the Relationship.
Monday, 19 October, 2026
This week I was on CBC Radio’s Calgary Eyeopener with my dad. We see the upcoming vote differently, and the host wanted to know how we keep having those conversations when so many families have stopped or just keep thanksgiving conversations in the safe zone of the weather.It’s a fair question. Today in Alberta, and very soon in the US and around the world, people are heading into voting booths, and many of us are bracing for the holidays, the group chat, the phone call with a sibling. We already know how it goes. Someone says something. Our chest tightens. The rebuttal is ready before they finish their sentence. And twenty minutes later, nobody has changed their mind and everyone feels a little more alone.Why it happensWhen something we value feels threatened, the brain treats it like a threat to our safety. We shift into survival brain: fast, defensive, scanning for danger. Shirzad Chamine describes it like keeping your hand on a hot stove. With a real stove, we’d pull back instantly. With a hard conversation, we keep our hand right there, replaying the argument, rehearsing what we should have said, judging the other person and ourselves.In that state, we can’t hear the person in front of us. Not even someone we love deeply.What my dad and I do insteadThe tool comes from one of the Sage powers I love teaching and using for myself… its called the Explore power.Explore is what keeps you curious instead of certain. Its question is simple: what more can I discover?Here’s how we use it:1. Catch the heat. The moment you feel your chest tighten or your rebuttal forming, pause. Take ten seconds and rub your hands together slowly, noticing the texture and warmth. It sounds too simple to work… but try it.. it’ll bring you back into your body and it’ll bring your wise brain back online.2. Get curious instead of certain. Your Judge will tell you that you already know what the other person thinks and why. Set that down for a moment. Ask yourself: what more can I discover here?3. Go one layer deeper than the position. A position is where someone lands. Underneath it is the reason they landed there. Ask: “What matters most to you about this?” or “What are you hoping this will protect?” Then answer the same question for yourself.4. Find what you want for each other. One layer down, you’ll almost always find something you share.Before my dad and I sat down to talk about the referendum, we used these tools to slow our defensive brains down. Then we got curious about each other. What we found is that we both want respect and to have our voices heard. And we want that for each other too. We couldn’t have had that heartfelt a conversation without slowing down first, and I’m so grateful he was game to try the experiment.We will still vote differently today… AND... We’re going into the vote respecting each other deeply.This matters beyond the dinner tableI teach this same tool to leadership teams. Every boardroom has its own version of the family argument: the budget call, the strategy split, the decision half the room resents but won’t name. When disagreement pushes a team into survival brain, trust erodes and decisions get worse. When people can stay in their Sage, disagreement becomes one of the most valuable resources a team has.And I believe it matters far beyond that.If enough of us can sit across from someone who sees the world differently and stay grounded, open, and kind, we start to build something our world badly needs. Peace between people starts with peace within each of us.Every conversation like this is a small step toward creating massive shifts on our globe…which I think we can all agree…. we desperately need.A question for youWho is the person you find it hardest to disagree with right now? What would it feel like to walk away from your next conversation with them feeling closer?Hit reply and tell me. I read every one.🎧 Listen to the interview: The audio is at the top of this newsletter… or if you want to hear it on the CBC site you can do so here: https://www.cbc.ca/listen/live-radio/1-5-calgary-eyeopener/clip/16242690-working-disagreements-separationHere’s to more peace at our tables, in our teams, and in our world.~NancyWant to see what pulls you into survival brain? Take the free 5-minute Saboteur Assessment: www.centered.ca/saboteurs, then book a Saboteurs to Sage session with me: https://calendly.com/nancyshadlock/saboteursLeading a team that could use a better way to disagree? Let’s talk: https://calendly.com/nancyshadlock/org Get full access to Mental Fitness for Leaders with Nancy Shadlock at nancyshadlock.substack.com/subscribe
