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Static RadioAuthor: Bob LeMent
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Glass China
Episode 47
Tuesday, 2 December, 2025
Miles takes his wife to Judy’s in Galesburg and shines with the waitress, while Bob realizes that rich people also have problems. Subscribe Random show from the last 25+ years Random Post https://youtube.com/live/lDCC6LiXnSM Bad AI Transcript of the show this week live streaming is on all right we are sctv is on the air everybody mambo hey everybody uh wait a minute i gotta play the thing no Hey, welcome to the struggle bus. This is Miles. All right. You know, I made that, uh, intro. We got a lot of use out of that intro. I made it 26 years ago. And we’re using it still. What is the laughing? I don’t know where did the laughing come from in there? Is that you or? No. I do say static. I am the person that says static. But it’s like just laughing. I just put some laughing in. It’s supposed to be funny. No, I just thought, oh, did he ever take this from a show we did or something? No. Do you remember in college I had these four different CDs that were all sound effects? You used it a lot. Wrong. Those were my CDs, assholes.No, they weren’t. They were mine. No, I had some. I know I bought those. I bought those. They were mine. I don’t know where you got those from. No, wrong. I had some. I had at least two of them. You might have had some of your own, but I had some. Which have gone missing for many a year. Yeah, well, okay. They were stolen. No, these were mine. I purchased them. You never had any money in college, man. What fantasy is this that you bought? That’s why I remember… I was like, you know. We’re selling his blood. We’re selling his blood to get sound effects. Andy Warhol, I noted all my purchases back then because I had no money until I remember I bought those. Anyhow, it’s from him. Okay. However you remember it, Mr. Mr. Mustache. Gosh. It’s gone.Yeah, I know, but I didn’t know that. I just found out after the fact that you had grown a mustache for a while. Yeah. How long did it take you to grow that mustache, by the way? That was almost 30 days. No, I mean to where it was full. I mean, it’d take you 30 days to get that full? Yeah. Wow. I had a full bush at that point, you know. You could have been in a centerfold spread from the 70s. Absolutely. No, I don’t know. It was a shitty mustache. I didn’t say it was shitty. I just said you look like an asshole. That’s all. Well, it’s kind of the same thing, is it not? No, not really. Why would I look like an asshole? What do we mean, an asshole? What would I… You look like, with the mustache, you look like you would be somebody who’s a prick. Exactly.Like, hey, you kids get off my lawn, kind of? Yeah, like, you know, you’d back into somebody and be like, hey, what’d you run into me for, jerk? Better watch what you’re doing. I fought the war. I own this town, goddammit. I was in the Gulf. I got friends, you know, on the police department. Yeah. They put you in your place. They’re like, I was like an asshole. One of those kind of people, you know what I’m saying? Oh, okay. Yeah. I must’ve triggered something with you. I don’t know what. I’m like, Oh my God, look at that. That’s triggering. You’ve been triggered, man. Like, geez, you look like the guy that burned down my house. You’re the asshole. Yeah. No, you just look a little more authoritarian, potentially. Oh, I see. You got turned on. You’re like, no. You’re like, oh. Yeah, I did not get turned on at all. You got a little weird with it. You’re like, no. No, I just said, wow, look at that. Yeah. Yeah.I think the word sexy. And it made your nose look smaller. Your nose looked much smaller as well. I do have a big nose. That’s true. Yeah. So kudos to the Grove Ember or whatever the fuck you’re calling it. No Shave November. Oh, okay. No Shave November. I think Grove Ember sounds better. Yeah. We just need to change that, please. Yeah. No, I’m done with it. I got rid of it. Come back next November? No? I’m going to try it. Someone said I should go with the goatee as well, so I’m going to try it next year. Oh, yeah. Now, you do the goatee. You’ll really look like a douchebag. Yeah, I’m going to go with the soul patch, man. I’m going to be… You look like fucking Guy Fieri with a diabetic in a wheelchair. Yeah. No, I wanted to… I told my wife I was going to do the pork chops. She’s like, you better not.i want to look like nick offerman in that netflix show. He plays chester Arthur. Yeah. I watched that it’s pretty good, by the way yeah but you did yeah so but that’s not what i want to talk about this week. So this week i was going to talk about, uh, I kind of had a slight epiphany, perhaps. Maybe epiphany is too strong a word. But I’m a douchebag. I didn’t grow a mustache for November. Because you can’t. No, I cannot. Correct. So you had to be jealous of my shitty mustache. Even with 30 days, I don’t think I could have come up with a mustache as good as yours. Thank you. Thank you for admitting it. With the boogers in it. and the crumbs. Yeah. No. So I, uh, you know, uh, I, I, how would I want to say this without giving anything away too much away, I guess. Anyway, I, I have to do certain things for my job and I, you know, have to talk to people who are of some importance from time to time, perhaps. And so, uh,week or so ago, I was in kansas City. I met up with somebody for my job and, you know, had to have a meeting and uh and i noticed something. Yeah. And I, but it made me feel good. Kind of like i noticed tonight that you you had that picture of your mustache. I was like, yeah, that made me feel better about myself. Yeah, well, good. I’m glad. I’m glad. So this did as well. So, I’m talking to this important person, a person of some importance, and I couldn’t help but notice that his glasses were filthy. The bulge in his pants. No, it wasn’t the bulge in his pants. Filthy glasses. Filthy. He turned his head, and the light hit him, and I’m like, holy schmoly. It looks like those things, you know, he had blisters,monkeys grabbing him or something. They’re all smudged. Monkeys grabbing him or something. Grabbing the glasses because they’re all these fingerprints and yeah i guess i’ve never heard that before. Monkeys. Well, I’m just like something pawn at his glasses. And I was like, I was like. Maybe he’s at a strip place or something. Well, I don’t, maybe you’re right. I have no clue. I wasn’t with him at a strip place, but he could have gone easily. But anyway, I was just like, because I always have this problem. I buy really cheap glasses. They’re super cheap. I think the last pair of frames I got was less than $20. It is cheap. Yeah, online. I mean, the glasses, the lenses cost a little more, but the frames themselves, because I get theseyou know, no-nonsense kind of things. You know, less than 20 bucks. And he is a man of means, this person I’m talking to. Would this be older than you, younger than you, or the same age? I have no idea. That’s a good question. I have no clue. I would say somewhere close to the same, perhaps. Possibly slightly younger. Yeah. But definitely much more upscale And, uh, wow. Uh, yeah, he probably, you know, makes six figures a year. Right. So instead of your three vacations a year, he takes like five, seven figures. What’s a million, seven figures. He makes seven figures. He makes seven figures a year easily. Holy crap. And I’m like, look at those smudge glasses. And I’m like, oh my God, what it’s an epidemic?Where did you get the monkeys to play with your glasses? You got some weird fantasies. Well, you’re recently out of the country, sir. I bought myself a bunch of monkeys for Christmas last year. Well, not leave my glasses alone. I was, I was, I was, you know, cause you always go into these things and he’s obviously very well dressed, uh, you know, has some style to him as opposed to myself. Every cheek. Yeah. Oh yeah, definitely. Uh, you know, and you know, he, he looked, he’s very intelligent person. And, uh, and so, yeah. And then I look and I’m like, oh my gosh, those glasses. It was like really, you know, it’s really like, wow, you’re walking around with those on your face. Bella, look at those hands. Look at those tits. Yeah.Yeah, I was like, it was, you know, a bit of an awakening. I had never really noticed that before with people. You couldn’t take your eyes off it, could you? You’re like, oh, my God. No, yeah. I was like, I kept, yeah, trying to get glimpses to make sure that I saw what I had seen, right? So that was always a double check, right? You’re always like, oh, maybe it wasn’t. No, it was. Mr. Grady, I want to see your glasses, Mr. Grady. This guy was, you know. I don’t know what he was doing. Changing his oil and then handled his glasses or something. They were all smudged up. Oh, I was out making wine. You never think about these things, huh? Because you wear glasses. Oh, mine are filthy all the time. Mine are extremely filthy. I can clean mine. I don’t even hardly leave the house and I have to clean them. How does this happen? You go to bed, next morning you go to put them on and you’re like, was I frying bacon or something? What the fuck?Who’s slapping their dick on my glasses? Yeah, right? Yeah. The seven-figure guy, apparently. Greasy Dick. Greasy Dick Johnson. But no, I was just like, I couldn’t believe it. And I was like, well, now I feel better that my glasses aren’t always pristinely clean. Because look, this guy, he’s got… I’m somebody. He’s got disposable income out the wazoo. And, you know, I can’t keep these glasses clean either, so it’s not me. So you thought you were a better man because you saw this, right? Well, I don’t know if I was a better man, but I certainly felt better about not having super clean glasses all the time. Yeah. I don’t know if that bothers you at all. I guess you don’t really care because you look like… Well, first of all, everyone I meet makes more money than me, first of all, so that doesn’t mean…I assume they make a lot more money than me. The lady at Casey’s is like, yeah, I’m carrying 75 grand right now at Casey’s. You know, you play your cards right someday, Miles. You’re going to be working here. I could be the manager. I’d probably get 200K. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, I would probably, if it was something really noticeable, I’d probably be like, no, what’s that? I don’t know. That’s me. Yeah, okay. But I wouldn’t think I was a better person for it. I didn’t say I was a better person. I just said I felt better about myself because my glasses are always filthy and I keep trying to clean them, but to no avail. It’s like two seconds later, it’s like, you know? He’s just a sucker with low self-esteem. Oh, hell no. I can’t keep them clean. It’s just impossible to touch them.They’re hard to keep clean. They’re hard. I don’t touch the lenses. I just, you know, very daintily. It doesn’t matter. Mine need to be cleaned. Oh, they are dirty. I can see it. No, I can’t. I’ll just lick them. There’s like some sticky shit on it. I don’t even know what that is. What is that? I don’t know. I don’t even want to have a hazard to guess. Yeah, I don’t even know what it is. I have no idea. Were you looking at your sexy mustache picture? Yeah. Yeah. I’m like, what do you want for Christmas? That might be it. Yeah. Yeah. Were you reenacting some Tanya Harding photos or something? More like I was Frank from blue velvet. Well, I, I just, yeah, I thought, wow, you know,This guy, he’s probably making bank. I know he’s making bank. He can’t even keep his glasses clean. What am I doing to myself? I think you’re going to be okay. Okay. I think you’re going to be okay. Coming from you, it means nothing. It means absolutely nothing. I did study psychology for one semester, so I think I got pretty much a handle on it. I think we took the same psychology class, the one with the tape. Oh, yes, yes. Oh, yes, yeah. Yeah, you’re right. What was this? I had a bullshit psychology one. It was some stupid psychology class where the professor recorded everything on cassette. You never went to class. This is why everybody took this class. You never had to go to class except to do a test. And he recorded all his lectures. He’s like, no, we’re not going to have class. Just listen to the tapes. Yes, there was a class. Yes, that’s right. Everything’s on the tapes. You’re like, we don’t have to go to class? No, just listen to the tapes. Take the test. Now, it didn’t hurt that I worked in the library where the tapes were. Yeah. So I listened to the tapes while I was working. Oh, well, why not?they were not a very exciting No, they were not. It was not the best uh recordings no and then you know he like he would it’s like he did it at his house. He’d get up and go to the bathroom that’s that’s the genius. That’s the genius you want to emulate. You’d eat on these tapes. By the way, it’s lunch right now. Give me just a second. Abnormal psychology. how Yeah. I passed. I passed the class. Yeah? I think I got a B. Yeah. I’m pretty sure I got a B. Probably. Yeah, because I didn’t really pay attention there. Yeah. So what’s going on with you? I took a psychology class. Yeah, I know. I took the same fucking class. The psychology of growing a mustache for one fucking month.Yeah. Man, wow. I didn’t know you’d get this excited about my mustache. Man, really. This is like triggered something with you. I don’t know why. Angry about it or something. I just make mention. You know, I got the ultimate compliment over the weekend. Thanksgiving weekend. Okay. From whom? The wife and I. had a day out and we did some shopping. We’re not to eat, you know, listen to that. I go, Hey, there’s a new Chinese place. Let’s we’re out of town. I go, let’s try it. She goes, Oh, okay. All right. Wasn’t very many people there. Is this with the mustache? Yes, it was. Okay. And, uh, so, uh, the lady, uh, comes up to our table and she appeared to be Chinese descent. And I said, ni hao. Oh, and I ordered something. I said, yeah, yeah. You know, thank you. And she’s like, here it comes. She goes, your Chinese is very good. I’ve never heard that praise before my whole life. I’m like, really? How many times have you used it though? I mean, I do. I do.You’re a bastard. And like, you know, like three words in several languages. Right. Constantly. If anybody looks like they’re of any nationality that, you know, you toss them out there. Yo, que pasa, mi amigo. Exactly. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes it backfires. I remember you were doing that. We were at some stupid ass grocery store in the middle of nowhere. And you started flinging out your Spanish. I guess because the girl looks Spanish. I don’t know. Anyway, she’s like, what? Yeah, well, I mean. You strike out sometimes. It’s a swing and a miss, but yeah, wow. I was so happy with myself. I’m like, man. Your Chinese is really good. I’m like, wow, really? And then you took a bite and you go, so is yours. He goes, how could you learn that? I go, I’m just a genius. I’m just acan she i just yeah okay i eat a lot of fortune cookies she’s just she’s just pushing for a tip. Come on. Yeah. No, no, no, no. She was very impressed. There’s no way oh no yeah yeah there’s no way had you tipped her yet no we just we’re ordering. Exactly. She was pushing for it she goes how did you learn? I go, I just do a genius in college if she would have said that after you’ve done paid the bill and left the tip, I would think it was more sincere, but no. So pumping you from, wait a minute. Are you saying she was just pumping me up? Like, Oh, I say he’s really awesome. She’s like, Dick with a mustache. Well, she liked it. I’m going to knock another five out of his wallet. Watch. Well, I really tipped well too.I’m sure you did. You, my gosh, it’s a wonder that you didn’t. Wait, I got conned? Use yourself. Did I get conned? Yes, you always get conned. Come on. And I didn’t realize until just now that maybe I got conned? I’m sure you realize that it happens constantly. You always throw this shit out. Ni hao. Oh, you’re so good. You’re such a good Chinese. Are you from China? You don’t look like it. Well, that’s a little racist, but yeah. You say ni hao. Yeah, okay. Okay. Wow, that’s a different spin. I didn’t even think about that. Oh, give me a break. You knew it. It’s like putting on the face cream or whatever. Yeah. It’s like that lady a week before was asking me if I had lost weight or something. Right, exactly. Yeah. Yeah.Are those new sweatpants you have, Miles? You know, I’m going to go back there next weekend. I’m going to go back there next weekend and try it again. Are you a Russian mobster? And I’m going to pick a different staff member and say, no, not you. Her. Bring her to the table. Ni hao. Ni hao, ma. I’m honestly quite impressed that you even remember this. That’s when I still can remember stuff, yeah. Yeah, I was going to say, I don’t know that you meet many Chinese people in your life, but… In Western Illinois and Eastern Iowa, no, you don’t really meet a lot of Chinese people. I’m going to be very honest with you. There’s probably not a lot, I’m guessing. It’s a wonder that you… Because, I mean, this is something from college. We had a friend. His name was Feng Quang Luu.Right. And Lou is the one who taught you Ni Hao. Yeah. I used to call him Hong Kong Fooey, which I thought was extremely racist, by the way. I never called him Hong Kong Fooey. Which I thought was extremely racist. I never did call him Hong Kong Fooey. Not to his face. I called him Lou. I said, hey, Lou. Lou. Yeah. Yeah. We just said Lou, not Lou. But yeah. No, there’s a guy called… I know locally. I mean, he’s not even Chinese, but I pretend he is. We just kind of speak Chinese. No, he goes along with it like, oh, Miles, oh, you motherfucker. What is he? Is he Vietnamese or something? No, I don’t know. I’m going to bring a map and have a point. I’m not sure where he’s from. Hey, I only know one Asian language. Can I just throw it at you whenever I’m around?It’s universal, man. It’s universal. Sure, sure. I mean, yeah, there’s a lot of different Asians. You know what? When they take over and take our country, I’ll be ready. Don’t worry. You can say thank you. Thank you for taking over our country and murdering us. No, I don’t know. Oh, my goodness. Wow, man. You put a spin on it. You really ruined my day now. Oh, come on. You know this. Everybody always I know. I’m an easy touch. I’m an easy touch. I know. They’re like, look at this. This guy’s got to be a retired state trooper. That sexy mustache. That mustache. That scowl. That scowl on his face. He’s severely overweight. Well… Don’t worry. I’m going to lose that next. Oh, good. I’m glad. I’m glad. So what did you guys get, by the way? What did you get at this? I got General Zhao’s chicken. Oh, I love that. That’s my favorite. Which I wish it had a little more zing in it. I love. Oh, well, you got it. I should have said, hey, zing it. I want the Chinese version, you know. Well, I didn’t say zing in Chinese. You know, I thought that sounded.i thought it sounds racist if i said, hey, give me some zing, so. And, uh, my wife had some noodles. Okay, that doesn’t sound as good. Noodles and egg rolls. Yeah. Oh, you got the egg rolls, too? Wow. what’d you have to drink, I mean, green tea or what no water i think i had me a sody as they say down in southern Illinois, I believe, and Yeah, most of those places offer tea right away. Like, oh, you probably want tea, don’t you? I’m like, well, that’s what you’re supposed to get. No. Was it a sugar-free soda or? You know, I think I ordered that, but they mistakenly gave me a regular, I think. I had to drink it, I guess. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. But, yeah.No, there’s a lady that owns it that’s putting it on commercials, these really funny commercials on the web. And a very funny lady. She’s actually got two restaurants. And her name’s Judy. Okay. And she wears like these old John Lennon glasses, these little round guys. Is she trying to be Yoko Ono or something? No. No, she’s funny. They’ll show a car crash and someone rolling out of the car, and then they’ll cut to her. But she’s like, oh, I’ve got pancakes. Come eat my pancakes. You’ve just been in a horribly amazing accident, but just come have some pancakes. You’ll feel better. Yeah. We’re cheaper than the ER. Mm-hmm. No, I’ve been to both places. Judy’s Chinese restaurant. Yeah. I’ve been to both of her restaurants now. Yeah.On a first-name basis, apparently. I saw her from a distance the first time, and she did not come to my table, though. Are you stalking this woman now? Is this what’s happening? No. She’s bragging up a good food, and I said, okay, put your money where your mouth is. I think you put your mouth where her money was. Yeah, I guess. She wins, I guess, right? Yeah, you put money in mouth there. Money in mouth. That’s me. I’ve been thinking about it. Burping up. Yeah. General Tso’s chicken. Yeah, it was pretty good. Okay, well, good for you. But, you know, I have a feeling, you know, your Chinese is good as just a tip getter. Sorry to break your ego. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2025/12/02/glass-china/” title=”Glass China” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2025/12/02/glass-china/”
