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Static RadioAuthor: Bob LeMent
The strange and humorous happenings in the lives of two US Midwesterners. Language: en-us Genres: Comedy, Relationships, Society & Culture Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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Good Shape
Episode 10
Tuesday, 10 March, 2026
Bob feels he is getting scrutinized at a work lunch, while Miles visits his old temp job and gets rewarded. Subscribe Random show from the last 25+ years Random Post https://youtube.com/live/XjjoSvokt2U Bob feels he is getting scrutinized at a work lunch, while Miles visits his old temp job and gets rewarded. Good Shape Bad AI Transcript I’m coming out. Hey, everyone. This is Miles. Welcome to Static. We had to get the requisite Miles title throat clearing going on here. I have a disease. I was going to say, what condition do you have now? The same thing that Michael Douglas had. What was that? Yeah. HPV? Yeah. I don’t know how you got that. Yeah. Yeah. Unless you replace the middle P with a different word like human penis virus or something like that. that would be your HPV, I think. That’s funny. Yeah. That’s funny. You feeling okay? Uh, yeah, yeah, I’m still here. I’m still here that’s fantastic are you you’re all right i’m well i could be better. Yeah? I’m good, but i could be better. Oh. I, um, I recently had an experience that makes me wonder about a few things. Our sexual identity? That could be one of them, but I don’t think it has anything to do with this story. Okay. So I’m taking over a project. And in doing so, I met the person who was doing this. They’re going to retire.And, you know, I’ve had like some emails and a couple of zoom calls. Well, it got to the point now where I had to go meet with them to get like some files and things. Right. And so, uh, I did that and, you know, I’m, I love to go to lunch. I don’t know if I’ve, if I’ve made that clear. Oh yeah. You don’t miss lunch. I would miss dinner more than – definitely breakfast, but lunch I like to catch. And so I happen to be there over lunch, and I’m like, well, let’s go get some lunch. So before we go get lunch, we’re kind of going through stuff, and I’m getting information passed off to me. And it’s this woman, and she’s going to retire, and she’s like, well –My husband, he tore his Achilles tendon, and he was playing Frisbee on the beach. He’s a 65-year-old man. You can’t be running around playing Frisbee on the beach when you’re 65. Jeez, what the hell? Right. And then she’s looking at me, I think, somewhat scrutinously. Yeah. She’s like, well, he’s in great shape. Unlike. Yeah, no, she didn’t say that, but she’s just like kept saying he’s in great shape. But even in great shape, you can’t be playing frisbee at 65. Well, I didn’t know, right? Yeah, and i’m like, oh, it’s terrible. That’s how horrible oh surgery you know, he tore his achilles Achilles. Yeah, and I’m like, that just sounds horrible. It just happened. They were on vacation and it just happened. So then we get to lunch. Again, she brings it up.My husband, he’s in great shape. his ass it’s awesome. He tore his Achilles. Yeah, I got it yeah yeah i got it. And then i feel like she’s kind of giving me the, like, you know, there’s, there’s no way in hell you can play frisbee on the beach. Is she just got up being alzheimer’s or something that she keeps forgetting no i i don’t think well she didn’t repeat anything else. I mean, she’s retiring. Maybe she has to retire. No, No, I don’t think she has to. I was just like, okay, okay. But she kept all in the lunch. Same thing. You know, he’s not fat and hairy. That’s right. It’s like he’s in really good shape. And I’m like, I’m like, is this, you know,Maybe she was trying to encourage you as you were eating your salad. I did have salad, by the way. You love salad. I know. You’re on the salad kit. But I did have a slice of pizza as well. You take the good, you take the bad. This is the crazy thing. I’ve never had anybody do this when I’ve gone to lunch with them. She ordered onion rings for the table. Oh, boy. I’m like, she’s talking about how good shape her husband is, and she gets these big onion rings. Yeah. I’m like, it’s totally incongruous. I don’t know where this is going. I don’t understand it. She was seeing how you’d react to it, probably. Well, unfortunately, I don’t react to much. It was a test. You think? It was absolutely 100%.percent test, yeah. Well, I tried to be, you know, well, I’m sorry that he hurt his ankle or whatever yeah but yeah i but yeah again and again, I mean, how many times do i got to be tested? I don’t know if i told you this or not. Like, oh, please, God, no. So I was just like, I’m like, I was very confused. I mean, she’s a very nice person and everything, but yeah. This just seemed to, I mean, obviously it was on her mind, you know, worried about her husband because of the situation, but he’s in very good shape. And I don’t know if she was trying to set me up with him or. You need to do what my dad used to do to people. He’d just be like, hurt it. And he’d just cut you off. Hurt it. You already mentioned it. Yeah. He just cut it off. Like, nope. Yeah. But I felt a little bit.self-conscious eating my slice of pizza. Did you have any onion rings? I did. Of course I did. I love onion rings. Oh, you have failed. How is that a fail? They’re delicious. I’m telling you, this is like some Hannibal Lecter bullshit she’s doing on you, man. Oh, I’m no good at that. And you fell for it. You completely fell for it. I go, oh, are these to share? Yeah, okay. And so I had a couple. You’re going to be taking off this project tomorrow. I guarantee it. No, it’s all still moving forward. Somehow, you’ll be out of this. No, everything was fine. We got along great. I am the Nostradamus, okay? I can see it. I’m telling you right now. Pretty much moving forward with it. I think your days are numbered. Thank you. I appreciate that. I wish I was in better shape now.You salad-eating freak. 65-year-old husband in good shape, mind you. He’s got buns. I wanted to say, after the third time, you got a picture? I want to see him in a Speedo. That’s right. They were in Hawaii, so maybe he was in a Speedo for a while. He probably left out the part where he was throwing a bunch of co-eds or something, trying to show off. didn’t hear the, who the other person he was throwing to. It obviously wasn’t her because she was not, she was. Yeah. About the whole situation. So. Yeah, it was some college girls he was playing frisbee with and he got hurt and he totally lied to his wife like oh wow you would do. You’re like, yeah, I still got it. Yeah. And I’d be sucking in my gut the whole time. Like, hey, ladies, let’s goSuck it in your dinner tube. How are you going to suck your gut in? I can’t do it anymore. Yeah, I know. I can’t do it anymore. If you sucked your gut in, your back would balloon. Yeah. Like a goddamn bullfrog. I just literally have 10 pounds of shit in a 10-pound bag. There’s nowhere for it to go. I would guess it’s a little more than 10 pounds. Yeah. Well, I was trying to be nice. I’m trying to be nice to myself but yeah I was like, well, this is an interesting conversation. Although we did talk about other stuff, but she just kept bringing it up, and I was like, hmm. Interesting. Hmm. Well. So, yeah. All’s well that ends well I don’t know. I’m thinking there’s more to it.Yeah. Well, I’ll let you know. I’m still talking to her because it’s a slow transition. Not for long. Not for long. Okay. I’m calling it right now. Well, you, I mean, you have more insight into these kind of things than I do. And when it happens, I don’t want to hear you crying. Okay? I don’t want to hear it. I’m not. I didn’t take it off the project or collect it. I hit a ring and I messed everything up. I am a fat, sloppy jerk. Why did I eat the onion ring? I’m sorry. Your husband got hurt. I’m sorry. I was at lunch at that place I was telling you about, the Iowa place. I’m like, have you ever heard of this? You’re like, no.I don’t know every restaurant in the world like you. I know, yes. I’m sorry. No, I don’t go to a lot of restaurants. I don’t eat out a lot. I just went to a new restaurant. No, come on. You’re always going places. When’s the last time I went to a restaurant? I don’t know, this weekend, probably. Come on. What? Come on. Yeah, probably. Nah, come on. Yeah, you guys eat out all the time. All right, well, tell me then. When was the last time? I don’t know. I don’t go anywhere anymore. I’m disabled. I don’t know. I’m disabled. I’m disabled. I’m waiting for my placard to show up. I don’t need to go into places that allow scooters. Yeah, non-salad eating places where I like to go. I didn’t go see, no, I didn’t go anywhere this weekend, but Friday night I went out to lunch with my friend, yeah. Actually, if I’m going to eat out somewhere new, it would be with my son because he always wants to eat somewhere new. Well, there you go, see? Well, no, I did eat out a couple weeks ago, now that I think about it. Exactly. Exactly.Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I went to a Mexican place. Yeah, that’s right. Oh, old memory. Yeah. Yeah, that’s the lady. That’s the lady that didn’t think I deserved ranch on my taco salad. Yeah, well, you probably don’t. No? She’s acting like you, like, well, really? You might want to go sans the ranch. Yeah, that’s a little fattening. Yeah. A lot of bad stuff in that ranch. I should know. Yeah. You look like you’re half full of ranch for Christ’s sake. I cut you open right now. White shit would come flying out. Your belly button just oozes ranch. Yeah. Right. So what’s up with you? I’m apparently the number one. I’m not 65. Just so the idea that I am. I’m not. I’m not 65 yet. Yeah.And you’re not really, I mean, looking at you, you’re not really in horrible shape. I mean, you know, you’re not skinny, but I mean, you’re not in horrible shape. I’m not skinny, but, you know. I mean, you’re average, but I mean, you’re not skinny, you know. Yeah, I certainly wouldn’t put myself as skinny. But you’re not junior samples either, I mean. No, no. I am somewhat proportional. Yeah, you are. Mm-hmm. That’s the way I would describe myself. Somewhat proportional. You’re as large as you are tall. That’s right. I’m a square. You’re a square walking around. I’m a squirtle. Square circle. That’s funny. So what’s going on with you? I was, you know, I had to go work a different location for a few months, uh, because you missed it my place was being remodeled at the time and this and that i had to go work at a different auto parts store, uh, which seems to be manned by quite a few women, which is uh a perk and uh it was called the garage yeah something like that. Yeah. But it’s freshAnd so I’m back to work and I get a text. You gave out your text number while you’re moonlighting? Well, we had some shenanigans going on at the other place I can’t go into right now. Well, you got shot in the face with a penis gun. I remember that. Well, okay. Yeah. All right. Thank you for letting the cat out of the bag. I did take a face full of whatever was in that gun. I don’t know what it was, but it was range yeah it was ranch valley this is good thousand islands and uh so you know little tiffany’s like hey my miles the manager uh you know eduardo wants you to come back and, and pick up some of your crap you left here. Used underwear.Yeah, I’m like, oh, yeah, I’m like you. I just go around doing my laundry right there. You know, I’m going to stand around. And yeah. And I’m like, oh, OK, well, can I come in any time? Well, he wants to know when you’re going to be here. You have to have an escort. Yeah, I was like a whole meeting. All right. And those would be a big deal. You know, you know, the. the court order says you have to have a chaperone. I know. Yeah. This is like, Oh Christ. Going to the high court with somebody like, okay, I’m meeting the Pope or something. Okay. All right. All right. We don’t do anything with an appointment around here. So yeah, I know. Like I’m just bursting in like, Hey, Hey everybody. I come to pick up my dirty drawers. Hey, Mr. Rush. And, um,I go in, I’ll go in at lunch, my lunch break. I’ll go down there. All right. I go, I’ll go down there and pick up my dirty underwear, whatever else I left there. I don’t know. Whatever else I left randomly in these, uh, in this desk. And, uh, so I get there and, uh, They’re having like some mini meeting going on. I’m like, oh, okay, whatever. Is there food involved in this mini meeting? No, unfortunately, no. I was hoping. Yeah, I was hoping. And so I get summoned in, you know, hey, Miles, get in here. Well, yes, I want to. Yes. Yes. And. Kiss the ring. Kiss the ring. Everyone’s like, oh, Miles, oh, you’re the funniest guy in the world. Oh, my God. I don’t know.Are you okay with your broken leg? Yeah, no, it’s not broken. It’s not broken. It was a blood clot in my leg. It’s not broken. Oh, okay. Your hair looks really cute. Like, all right, all right. Come on. I don’t know. Ladies, please, please. I’m married. Okay, I’m married. I don’t need this. I don’t. Okay, a little bit more. Oh, my gosh, yes. Oh, yeah, you would totally. Those jeans look really cute, man. I’m like, yeah, I know. I don’t know. I don’t know. And so anyway, uh, you know, is this like fantasy or something? And we, uh, no, that’s pretty well. There’s a little way into your fantasy where you go into everybody at congratulate you for being you or something. Yeah. Like the biggest fat slap we ever seen in our lives, man. You actually work. You taught me how to be a woman. Thank you. Many times. You don’t even know it. Yeah. And, uh, so all my stuff’s in a box and they’re like, look,Look in the box. Look in the box. And they got me a really cool work shirt. I’m like, oh, that’s nice. My name stitched on it. I’m like, wow. We got two of them and you can cut them up the sides and stitch them together to wear them. We’re doing our Daisy Dukes if you want to wear those. They got you a shirt. Yeah. I don’t know. They seem to like me. I don’t know why. Why would people like me? I don’t know. I’m like the most unlikable guy you ever met. Oh, that’s not true. I will even defend you on that one. You’re a fairly likable, as long as there’s no money involved. Yeah. Yeah. Just, yeah, that’s true. Very true. I’ll give you that. No, I’ll give you that. And, um, but anyway, after a couple of minutes, uh, you know, I’m getting, you know, like, uh,Well, maybe it’s time for Miles to get going, you know, from the manager. Yeah, he’s like, well, you know, we were right in the middle of a meeting when you showed up. Good timing there, boss. And he literally said, get the fuck out. Did he really? He goes, no, no, Miles, I’m kidding. We all love you here. Come here. Give me a hug. I’m like, I really don’t. You hugged him, though, didn’t you? This is like the third non-family member I’ve had to hug this year. And I’m like, oh, this is really crossing the line. Like I’d really, you know, I mean, anyone who listens to this show knows that me and you. Did all the ladies hug you? Not at that point. No, no. Oh, what? Would you hang around for a while longer or what? Well, no, no. I dropped off some lottery tickets around Christmas time. Oh, okay.One, I did get a very enthusiastic hug, though. Yes, I did. I don’t understand. You have to explain this to me. One of the ladies felt inclined to give me a big enthusiastic hug, and I’m like, okay, all right. Did she grab your ass or something? I think we got daddy issues or something. I don’t know. Did she honk your horn or what? No, she honked something, but it wasn’t. Well, yeah, I guess my horn, I guess you would call that. Now I honk my own horn out in the car later. No, but yeah, he literally said, get the F out of here. All right, we’re done now. Get the F out. Your money’s on the table, Miles. Get out now. Never come back. Take the goddamn shirt and get the fuck out of here. Got my shoes on it. All right, well, all right. We got you this nice brooch. Brooch? It’s got a camera in it, so they’re getting all the…Insider information at your new place. It was just all their lost and found shit is what it was. Ah, mismatched gloves. Okay. Scarf. Thanks. Used masks from COVID. Yes. Is this a flashlight? What is this? What’s this? All right. Who wrote the note? Call me anytime. Who wrote this? Is this a coupon book for foot rubs? Thank you. Yeah. Well, thank you. Wow. No, that was for me miles but i’m like oh no free hug i’m like i gotta go eat some salad man i’ll i gotta go you know i’m gonna go on out of here i gotta have my lucky onion rings and salad. That’s right. No dressing. No, I don’t get any dressing. You’re right. And a slice of pizza to go. And a slice of pizza and waterand well how do you know my order? God, you weirdo. I was around you once recently and you made a big deal about, yeah, how do you do stuff? I’m like, okay. Yeah. Oh, it’s true yeah you’re all some of your life story. Which brings me up to 1997 like oh christ that’s right and in 97. Back in that day, we didn’t have it. We liked it you know I was up for the position of CEO for AOL, and I didn’t take it. Oh. I didn’t think there was a future in it. Oh, my goodness. So have you wore the shirt? No, not yet, no. Oh, okay. Is this a shirt you can wear at work? Yeah, no, it’s a work shirt, yeah. All right.That’s nice. We’ve got like wrenches on it or anything. Yeah. Triple R automotive. Yeah. Okay. I don’t know what that means, but the old triple R, no, it’s the name of it. Triple R. So, uh, this is it. That’s it. You’re broken up now. I made my parting gift. You got your box of shit. You’re out of there. Yeah. Interesting. Did you leave that stuff on purpose? No, I just forgot. I just come by to pick it up one piece at a time. Did I leave a speedo? I left some wet wipes here last time. Do you have a thing of supplies? I just want to stop by and pick them up. I was just thinking about it today while I was out at the rib joint. I’m a person, a people person. Yeah. Well, that’s nice. Yeah.Did you tell them to come by and see you anytime? Yeah, there’s no way they’re coming into my gangland neighborhood. There’s no way that they’re going to. You’re like, I got these. We got a bunch of halter tops for you ladies. No, thank you. Yeah. Some tube tops and some halter tops. I think you’ll know which ones fit who. Nah, come on. Okay. Well, that was nice. You feeling good about it? Yeah, it felt pretty good. Oh, okay. Now what are you going to do? Eat salad. Yeah, I don’t think so. 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