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Sales Crash
Episode 33
Tuesday, 11 August, 2026

Miles tries out the door-to-door bug salesperson’s hoverboard, while Bob has a nice leisurely lunch and ends up in a gas station parking lot. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/vXxfPh12Ixc Miles tries out the door-to-door bug salesperson’s hoverboard, while Bob has a nice leisurely lunch and ends up in a gas station parking lot. Sales Crash Bad AI Transcript If you stop me up, I’ll never stop. I’ll never stop. No, no, no, no, no. That’s a piece. Mmm. Good evening. I’m your friendly courier, Mr. Blood Vessel. Mr. Buster Blood Vessel. What’s that from? I am the walrus. Oh, really? I was watching it this morning. I don’t know. That’s the intro to it. It just seemed funny. I’m like, wow, these guys were really funny back in the day. I guess so. I think it’s Ringo’s voice. It sounds like Ringo. I don’t know. It sounds like a Ringo thing. uh it’s my house title with static radio podcast yeah uh am around plausible and um that’s all i know so i’m being held hostage i’m in his basement What if hostages… What do they do for proof of life now with the… They can’t hold up a newspaper, really. I mean, where are you going to get a newspaper these days? What’s the… What is the new version of that, holding up the newspaper? What is the deal with being a hostage and not having a newspaper? What is the deal with that? I don’t know, Jerry. I don’t know. In this day and age, where are you going to get it? There’s no USA Today. I can’t get it, butI don’t know. You know, I hadn’t really thought about it. I’m just trying to pose these questions, you know what I mean? I question the world as we see it today. I mean, would you hold up the latest? I mean, everybody’s Instagram feeds are different. Can’t do TikTok, right? I hadn’t really prepared for this bit. Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know. Yeah. It’s really you. And you’re really, I mean, we got the AI make anything. I mean, I got a guy. I got a guy. I got a guy. Okay. I got a guy’s name. He tells me if everything’s fake, that’s fake. His name is CB. He’s on TikTok. Don’t worry. He’ll get into this. Fingernails. Fingernails are wrong. That’s why. It’s not right. Fake. Yeah. It’s all fake. All fake. I don’t know. I’m just saying. I mean, it used to be so easy. You just get a newspaper, hold up a newspaper. Okay. They’re alive still. The newspaper there. Well, there’s still newspapers. I mean. Yeah. But I mean, it’s so easy to fake everything. It’s just like. Yeah. Yeah. He held up the weekly shopper.That’s the weekly shopper for this week. He could have been missing any time this week. We don’t know. We know he’s alive last week. We know it. We’ll just have to wait another week to see if he’s still alive. Wait a minute. There was no ad for Bugles this week in the weekly shopper? Okay. Okay. Are you still there, Miles? Did I lose you on this one? Hello? Yeah. Okay. There you are. You dropped out. I thought so. No, you froze up like you got your image just froze up. Like your eyes were like half open. Like, oh, dude, there’s a cartoon cat. So this week was not the best week. It’s not the best week. The weekly shopper did not have bugles on sale last week. So on Friday, I went to lunch with my good friends, Dr. J and Dr. K. Yes. And so they actually met me at my office because I’m having to go to my office here lately because of some rule changes thatAnd so they came by the office and we decided to go get some lunch. Yeah. And unfortunately near the office, there’s not a lot of good lunch places. So I’m like, let’s go to this Mexican place, which I’m surprised you can still say that, to be honest with you, like Chinese place, Mexican place. It’s all okay. Right. Yeah. I mean, I think that’s all right. I mean, I, I’m like, we got to go down to this one, you know? And so it’s, it’s a, it’s a, few minutes away. Taco Bell. Yeah. It’s called the Taco Ballet. Exclusive. It’s a local thing, but so we’re driving and we drove by like three other Mexican places and they’re like, well, why don’t you go to this one? I’m like, I’ve never been there. I’m not going there. El Bandejos. Yeah. And so I forced them to go to thisMexican place that I’ve been to before. This is always good. They have a lunch special. So, you know, it’s not overly expensive. Kutas are us. So we make it there. Everything’s fantastic. You know, I get the lunch special. They get a lunch special. Everybody gets a lunch special. We have a great lunch. We’re chitting and chatting and skitting and scatting and everything. And then… Bella Fitzgerald shows up. Do, do, do, do. And then Dr. K is like, well, I got to get back. I need to get going. I’m like, oh, man. So he drove us all. He took on the mantle of driver. Yeah. And we all pile into Dr. K’s car. Yeah. And we’re going to head back to my office. And then everybody will go about their business. Right. Yeah.So we’re on our way back and, and talking and we, there’s a, I don’t know, like a traffic jam is on side streets. We’re not on the highway or on the side street. Some kind of like traffic jam. Everything comes to a stop. Right. I’m talking and kablamo. You got rear ended hard. Didn’t you? Yeah. You’re hard. And I didn’t even realize it. I was like, what the hell? And sure enough, Dr. K got rear-ended. Oh! Were you in front? I was in the front seat because I’m… Dr. K is a very diminutive person. He’s a very… Yeah, he’s teeny tiny. He’s tiny. And so I sat up front with Dr. K. We get blasted in the back, you know? Yeah. And you get ass blasted. Did you? Yeah, it was rough. I was like, it wasn’t gentle. It was rough. It was not gentle at all. I mean, we got kablowy and I, the rear ending to the gas station. And, and luckily the person that hit him pulled in as well. And we had to go through the whole process of, yeah, of an accident thing. So the funny thing is we pull in and I’m like,So Dr. K gets out. I get right out because, you know, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m like, I’m ready to back him up, right? Yeah, right. Okay. Well, I’m fairly tall and quite broad. And so I figured he’s not. Yeah. And so I got out. Well, Dr. J did not get out. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Are you all right? Yeah, he was all right. But I’m like, he was not looking for a fight. I was like, this guy is going to try to blame my friend. I’m going to be there to help out. It’s like Billy Barty and Junior Samples wanting to have a freaking fight with somebody. Well, what would Dr. K be then? You know him because you had lunch with him. Yeah. What’s his character if I’m Junior and…i don’t know. I think about that you can’t think of one okay i don’t want to make this weird yeah i don’t want to make this weird i pop out of the car. K top pops out of the car. He goes, and it’s this duck dynasty looking guy with a big beard and he’s driving a pickup truck, you know? And so they start talking and, And, um, I’m like walking, but it all seems to be going well. Right. I’m pacing and, um, with your other hand, you’re like, yeah, he takes the blame. So then I walk around in the back of Dr. K’s car and I’m like, there’s liquid dribbling out of the back of his car. Oh yeah. That’s my thought. I was like, Holy mother of God, is this gasoline?Oh, fuck. Got a body back there. Fuck. Fuck. And so I’m like, I look at it for a while and it’s coming out like, you know, it’s coming out like, you know, a Miles title piss. So it’s like in spurts. It’s not like a, you know, it’s not even funny, man. Even say something. It’s like dribble, dribble, dribble. Anyway. So I’m like, I hope this isn’t gas. Cause then I’m stuck. We’re not anywhere miles from anywhere. Then you did a crutch down, put your fingers in it and smell it. I did. So then I stuck my hand, I stuck my finger in there and then I sniffed it, but I have a really bad nose, you know? And so it didn’t smell like anything. And so then Dr. K comes walking around. I go, someone’s coming out of your car and he sniffed my finger and no, not gas. So then Dr. J finally sees that everything’s okay and,Yeah. Yeah. And he wanders out of the car. Like he just woke up or something. Hey, and i think i hurt my back real bad. Yeah. And then he comes around looks at so we’re trying to figure out what the hell. And then we’re like, you got a case of water back here, but it just kept coming it just yeah it just kept going right yeah a little weird. Yeah, it was really weird. We’re like, you don’t have a back windshield wiper washer thing, no? I mean, it dribbled the whole time we were waiting for the police. It dribbled, and it dribbled, but it wasn’t brake fluid. We kept going through all the fluids, right? Yeah. And then Dr. J crawls under the car. He’s so little, he can walk under it. He just did little. I know.and he’s like, no, he’s like, it coming from the trunk. It’s coming from up there. It’s not coming from the gas tank or any like break lines or anything. So we wait, the police show up and, you know, we got two police people to show up. So we were at a nice part of town. And that even showed up. Yeah. You know, yeah. It showed up as a nice part of town. Yeah. And, uh, so they, you know, we all have to, well, those guys have to give statements. They, you know, give me the crook guy. Are you here? Who are you with? You know? Yeah. Question. And, uh, we had to give over stuff and then it’s, um, time to leave. And so we all pile back in the car. I go, well, I guess it’s not gas. I guess we’re not going to worry about it. And so then we head on back to the office. And on the way, Dr. J is like, hey, do these seats fold down? Oh, yeah, I think they do. So now we’re driving down the road we just had an accident on. Dr. J flips the seat down. He crawls into the truck. Oh, fucking curious George. Jesus Christ.it’s all wet back here. Oh my god what and then i’m asking all these questions. Is it new wet or old wet? Anyway. So, yeah. So apparently there was something in his trunk that had water in it that burst on the accident and it was, it put it all over the trunk. Yeah. And so Dr. J is hanging out of the back of the trunk. We’re still cruising down the road. I was just like, it’s so funny, right? It’s so weird. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea with Dr. J. Yeah, probably not. So then we get back. I feel terrible because I had him go to that restaurant, which is a little further away. Yeah. I mean, I didn’t run into him, but you know what I mean? So I felt bad. Yeah. So we part ways and so forth. And so I get home and I’m telling…And I’m really late back to work, by the way. So I get home and I’m telling my family what happened. I’m like, yeah, we went to lunch. We got rear-ended. And the funny thing was everybody had a different reaction. From sadness to… No, no. Everybody was laughing. It happened to be my daughter was on the phone on a video call with us. And her reaction was, oh… I wonder what the guy reacted like when three Jewish men hopped out of a car and started asking him questions. You’re going to make me start coughing. Don’t make me laugh. Because we all have a… Well, some of us are Jewish, and some of us just look Jewish. Yeah. So she does a little thing with that. And then my son says, you look like a mixed-up version of the Three Stooges. Yeah, okay, right. Yeah, you’re Curly and Larry. Yeah, yeah. That’s what he said, because we don’t look like the Stooges in ourselves, but we look like combinations of the Stooges, because we all look weird.You look like if Larry screwed Curly or something, I guess. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Big with the stupid hair. Yeah. And so anyway, yeah. And so then my wife was just laughing because she knows she’s like, what happened? Because, you know, Dr. K would be, you know, how did you feel when you ran into the back of me? You know, and so there was all this conjecture on my, you know, horrible afternoon where i had to sit out in the heat while we waited on the stupid police to show up to take the information so so then that was friday everybody goes home and so i was worried because we’re not young and i’m like oh my god we’re gonna you know be like whiplash or something so i texted everybody over the weekend on the sabbathyeah no it’s on sunday okay then you’re free. Okay, go ahead. I’m free on the sundown everything got turned off. And, um, so anyway, and everybody was doing okay. Dr. K had a twinge, he said, but, uh, Dr. J and myself were, uh, fine with our, I thought for sure i was going to be like in pain or something, but No such thing, so yeah. Oh, you missed that, man. You could have got about a hundred bucks off that at least. Yeah, I know. If I was only Miles Tidal, I would have done that for all it’s worth. It’s hard to prove a back injury, man. Come on. Yeah, but no, it ruined a perfectly good afternoon, but it was fire for the show, and my family thought it was hilarious that she’s like, they’re all like, what does this person think when youlike this whole clown car full of weird looking people. Yeah. You know, so it’s popping out of the car, all these weirdos. Like this Johnny Depp, uh, reject, uh, junior samples. And then, uh, you know, the, uh, the, uh, weird guy from, uh, diehard. Yeah. Yeah. So the guy from diehard. Yeah. He’s in there. Yeah. Yeah. We, so yeah. but we had a good lunch. And so now I am never going to get Dr. K to drive for the lunch again. Good idea. Yeah. Good idea. I’ll be stuck doing it. Yeah. In your special car. Yeah. And so anyway, it was, it was a good lunch, but the ending was not so good and it was really quite hot. And now for the punchline.They all got diarrhea. That’s right. We all got the trots. I barely made it back to the office. It was one of those things. Nothing like that’s happened to me for quite some time. It was shocking. I couldn’t believe it happened. I bet. I bet. Luckily, it was fairly, I mean, it’s probably going to be like $7,000 worth of damage to his car. But, you know, it was not that hard of a, you know, probably like five or ten miles an hour kind of thing. Do you think the hillbilly was like texting or something? Or what do you think? I don’t know what he was doing. He was probably on his phone, honestly. But I wasn’t paying attention. I don’t know. I just know he hit us.rearranging his pants a little bit before he got out. Like, oh, hold on yeah hold on like driving and masturbating. Yeah, that’s what i say. That’s what i say. Makes the trip go faster. That’s right. Well, we’re already in chicago so what’s going on with you? Wow, nothing that exciting, I guess. I don’t know uh man well no accidents, thank god and thank goodness it was horrible. Yeah. so about a week ago we were at home and I had gotten home from work and I just kind of You know, not off. I’m getting old now. I’m kind of my lazy boy. My wife’s watching TV. You took naps in college. What are you talking about? Well, no. See, I should have never done that. Now I just can’t get away from them. I need a nap. You’d be sleeping like in the afternoon all the time. If I could get away with napping at work, I’d do it, actually, if I thought I could get away with it. Shit, you’re always napping. I love naps. I’m a little baby. I love naps.I don’t know why. I always forget that I have this one crappy security camera outside my house now. Oh, okay. But I never use it. I never think of it because we’re sitting there all of a sudden. Ding, ding. You got the doorbell, yeah. I go, people that know us know that we don’t use the front door. That’s a dead giveaway when I hear that. We only use the storm cellar. Yeah, we come out from the ground. What? Yeah. Wake up. I’m a bit deep, and I like to take nips. We’re like the little kid from Mad Max. We come out of the hole. We come out of the hole. That’s right. A feral kid. Yeah, that’s my house, so we come out. And, you know, ding, ding, ding, ding. I’m like, okay, well, I go, maybe…Uh, it’s a package. Cause I know sometimes delivery guys will do that just to alert you that. Right. Yeah. So you don’t get porch pirated. Yeah. Which has never happened. Thank God. Like a whole parade of people following around to get the good stuff. They would be disappointed. Yeah. If they porch pirated me, they’d be like, Oh, like shoe and diapers. God. God, this guy uses a lot of surplus. Yeah. Holy moly. Hmm. Hand lotion. Hmm. And, uh, so I kind of peek out there. I don’t really see anyone. I’m like, wow, what the fuck? You know, like, Hmm. So I come out, my dogs are wanting to attack. Get back in there. My first get out of here. So, and not to get too Chris Hansen with this. So I come out and there’s this, uh, younger woman, uh, a blonde woman, uh, on her phone playing with her phone, uh,texting someone and she’s got like some kind of marketing thing, like laminated sheet of something underneath her arm. Have you ever thought about buying dog food in bulk? Yeah, no. And she’s got like a hover around. What? But not with the hand. I don’t want it would be a hover around. It’s not the thing with handles. it’s just, you know, you stand on it and you’re kind of, Oh, it’s not going to hover around. That’s a, um, but yeah, a hoverboard. Yeah. It’s got big wheels on either side. Yeah. Or like a segue. Yeah. It’s like, yeah. So it’s like a segue, but there’s like no, the like no handle thing, you know what I’m saying? Yeah. You just push your weight a little forward and you take, but it’s,That’s like some decent wheels on it. I’m like, shit, this broad, Jesus. That’s the money. That way you’re getting around your Chris Hansen moment. It’s got some decent wheels on it. Hey, look at those headlights. No, I don’t. Nowadays. No, I don’t want to say anything. Cause I, you never know. Nowadays I’m like, ah, I’m just going to add a side of caution here. Okay. Hey. And I go, oh, that’s pretty cool. Like, I don’t even hear her sales pitch. I was like, wow, look at that. That’s pretty neat. Yeah. Now she’s. Now she’s daring me to do it here. Go ahead. Oh, my. Oh, these things, lady. I don’t know. Oh, you can do it, sir. You can jump right on. Like, hop on there. I don’t know. I think that you can do it. Come on. You can do it. I’m like, how does it work? Well, you have to. Because I’m like, I have no concept of how it works anyway. I’m like, so you lift the leg. No, no, no, no, no. You move your feet. You kind of your toes and you kind of.I’m getting like this tutorial, you know, like some bad, like when you’re on vacation, you get like some, you’re going to rent something. You get like some shitty tutorial. Yeah. Oh, it’s really easy. You just balance. I’m like, Oh wait. Okay. I can’t even balance walking. Okay. Like I usually fall. I had to brace myself every time I get up from the chair, lady, you know, when you ever, even when you answering your door with your walker, she still wanted you to get on this thing. Yeah, I know. I should’ve came out there. Like, Hey man, get out of here. Come on. And, um, yeah, so after about a minute of her just insisting that I get on this thing, I go, listen, there’s no islands. It’s going to come fast enough. Once I fall off this goddamn thing, there’s going to be bad. It’s going to be bad. I’m just, let’s just forget it. It’s not going to. So I go, why didn’t go, how can we both go on it? Hi, I’m Chris Hansen here, but no, I don’t know. I don’t front.I don’t know. So she goes, what’s the sales pitch today? I had no idea. I didn’t know what she was selling. I’m like, I don’t know. So it’s like some major pest control company. Oh, gotcha. Well, you look like you have roaches. You’ve got to have roaches, sir. Your house looks filthy. Judging from your sweatpants and wife beater. Mm-hmm. No, I still had my work stuff on. Oh, okay. My name tag was odd, you know. Call me, you know. Lefty. I go, I don’t, you know, I don’t know. So I go, what’s that thing? So she gets out this laminated thing here. And like half of this shit, like I’ve never seen in this state, like tarantulas, scorpions, you know, I don’t even know what you want to throw on there. Yeah. Uh, you know, the shit that was in King Kong. Uh, I’m like, what? Night of the leapers. Yeah. You know? Yeah. The thing that, uh, you know, ate, uh, that one guy in, uh, cat’s paw, you know, but, uh, anyway, I, I go, listen, we,don’t have tarantulas oh no no this is just a general thing. You might. This is just a general thing, sir. You can, like, now listen, I don’t. I go, every house has some bugs. I go, more, we got probably about at least four or five different kind of spiders in this house, at least. Spiders are good. Yeah, I don’t really kill them unless they’re too big and then they are going to die. But, you know. They eat other bugs, those spiders. Well, there must be plenty of them in here because we’ve got plenty of spiders in this. The insect world. Man, if my house ever gets torched like yours someday, man, it’s going to take a lot of them. Like, Jesus. And so I’m like, listen, no, I don’t know. What if it was cheap? I go, how cheap? She goes, 50 bucks.I go, listen. That’s not cheap enough. Yeah. I’m like, and I hope my family isn’t listening. So if you did, don’t repeat this to my mom, but I go, listen, I was raised by two type buds. Listen. And, uh, I’m not gonna, yeah, that, yeah, that’s too much. Yeah. You sure? 50 bucks at a ride on the scooter. Like now, now, now push the scooter still. No, no, no, no. You sure? I thought she was going to start crying. You’re like, you sure? You sure? Okay. $50 in a handy. I’m going to get beaten. I’m going to get beaten. You know, I’m like, oh, I’m like, no, no, no. It’s right. The insect. And, uh, buy and get her. So she jumps on her phone again, starts typing like, okay, let’s fire bomb this fucker’s house tonight or so. I don’t know what she was writing. You know, like, okay. Yeah. I’m like, okay. All right. So, uh,I look at like the security footage later, like she jumped on it, then went over to like Mr. Miyagi’s house, which must’ve been, yeah, that’d been a good one. I wish I would’ve stayed for that one. I’m like, okay. You’re like, I don’t want it, but I know the guy next door. Yeah. He loves two things, scooters and bugs. Scooters. And he loves to talk about bugs. And so as a footnote later that night, I’m kind of, you know, looking at these stupid, you know, Facebook pages and there’s kind of a, community gossip thing, and everyone’s like, hey, are people with goddamn scooters going around town talking everyone about goddamn bugs and all this oh my god i guess there was some dude as well, like, going around different he got like the nicer houses, I think. He must have got more of the, you know, short stick Yeah, I don’t know. I was like, oh, okay. So, yeah, I wasn’t the only one. Everyone’s like, this annoying girl came over and wanted me to spend 50 bucks. Oh, my gosh.And I’m like, oh, okay. Oh, yeah, and you always give me a tough time when I push people away from the house. Okay. Well, come on. Come on. Come on. What? I don’t, well, no, I just, I don’t really, if I want the service, I will seek you out. You don’t come to me. I seek you out. You know, really, unless it’s free, and then we’ll talk. Mohammed doesn’t go, wait a minute. mountain muhammad goes to the mountain. Yeah. Something like that. Hey, I hate joe frazier so uh yeah so anyway yeah that’s so i hope this young lady’s okay on the spur of the moment. I don’t know. Thank you. Thank you. So I hope she didn’t end up like the trunk of some, uh, you know,Three guys car or something. I hope not either. It got rear-ended or anything. Maybe she was in your guys’ trunk. I don’t know. To follow up, I asked Dr. K, did you ever find out what was in your trunk? He says, no, I’m afraid to open it. You got a fucking moldy trunk. I don’t know. I think it was just a water bottle. Dr. J was all the way in that trunk while we were going down the road. He’s balls deep. He was. He was literally knee deep in that trunk. Balls deep. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/08/10/sales-crash/” title=”Sales Crash” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/08/10/sales-crash/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-