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Author: Bob LeMent

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Clotted
Episode 7
Tuesday, 17 February, 2026

Miles birthday party takes a terrible turn, while Bob narrowly escapes a tumble. Subscribe Random show from the last 25+ years Random Post https://youtube.com/live/Cr2KNDaAcpg Miles birthday party takes a terrible turn, while Bob narrowly escapes a tumble. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/02/17/clotted/” title=”Clotted” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/02/17/clotted/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————- Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be. Miss Nakamoto, you’re beautiful. Science! Hey everyone, this is Miles. Was that Thomas Dolby? You blinded me with science. You blinded me with science. What was the emotion? Yeah, that was a great song. Yeah, I know. Weird, very weird. Even for the time, I mean, people go back and think, oh, that’s normal. No, it’s not. That was not normal. Oh, yeah. That was weird. Yeah. Miles, miles, miles. Should we start with the fun stuff and then move to the depressing things? Yeah, if you want. Let’s do it. Well, I was… Miles had a birthday recently. And given what has transpired over the last, what, 80, 96 hours. Yeah. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am psychic. Psychic.Well, I don’t know about that. Yeah, no, I’m psychic. You are psychic. Okay, let’s hear this. Because of what happened. I didn’t predict anything, but I took action when normally I would have not taken action. Yeah, okay. So Miles tells me, hey, it’s my birthday coming up. I’m going to go down to this place, pinball place, and you want to meet up there on my birthday. And I’m like, oh, yeah, that sounds interesting. Now, this is like two and a half or more hours from where I live. Yeah. And you’re like, oh, they don’t open until like five fucking o’clock. Okay. That’s not my fault, but yeah. No, I know, but I’m just saying. And so I’m like, Oh God, that means, well, I can get there, but then how, you know, I don’t want to spend the night. Right. Right. Cause you know, I like my, I like my bed. Right. And, uh, and so I’m like, ah, two and a half hours. Which normally I probably would have passed.But I was thinking about it, and I said, okay. Yeah. I go, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go. He’ll keep calling. Yeah. Yeah. Fair. So I agreed and I said I would go. Yeah. So I left early. I actually was late because I didn’t leave as early as I wanted to leave. But because there’s I didn’t realize it, but there’s absolutely fuck all nothing between where I live and where you live. Right. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. Uh, and so, uh, I finally make it and you know, then at that point i have to pee like really bad and i’m almost out of gas because there’s not a goddamn gas station between here and there. And, you know, it’s like, it’s like the people, you know, it’s like living in the Amish, you know, neighborhood or something. It’s like, everybody’s just got a horse and buggy or something. Yeah. I’m driving along. It was actually a nicedrive on the way there. Cause it was, sun was shining, you know, I, I cut out across country for the shortest route, you know, I was in the middle of nowhere and, uh, and it was pretty nice. So then I get there. It’s like, I really got a piss. Um, because there’s, I mean, I could have pissed on the side of the road, I guess, but the closer I got to the destination, like the more sketchy it got, it was like, there was nothing. And then now all of a sudden I’m in the heart of Gotham city with chemical plants everywhere. Right. You know, the Joker’s going to pop out and get me or something, you know? So I had to wait till I, then when I got to the destination, then I had to drive two miles to find a gas station. I’m like, I looked at my phone, like there’s no closer gas station. Yeah. How do those people live?I don’t know. I was like, I’m like, well, there’s a Casey’s down here, which that was my, there was some other like no name off brand, you know, called like Chuck’s gas or something. It was a little bit closer, but I’m like, Chuck’s gas doesn’t sound like it has a nice bathroom. Chuck’s gas sounds like Chuck’s gas sounds like there’s a camera. In the bathroom, you know what I mean? Your poop, yeah. Yeah, and so he’s like, I let everybody use the bathroom for free because I make money on the internet. Only fans. So, yeah, I’m like, yeah, Chuck’s gas ass cam. So I go to Casey’s. So then at this point, I’m late, but then the reality is you were late as well, soI was bringing a whole crew of people. Well, that’s true. You had more, more. I was just by myself. There are loads of people. Yeah. So then we get there and I get to the place. And the first thing I’m faced with is like death stares. I’m like, it’s like you walk in the door and you can’t go forward. It says, go downstairs. Right. And, i opened the door, and i’m like, holy fuck, this is like steep yeah it’s the it seemed rickety, and the handrail is like made for like children under five or something. I couldn’t even hold on to it. Yeah, I mean, it’s old, yeah. I was like, holy hell is this is gonna do me in i’m gonna take a header down this, and it’s like 20 feet or something. It wasn’t even like a regular depth.It is not ADA accessible. No, it’s not. No elevator, no… One of those little things, a chair you can sit in and take down. And I’ve, you know, I’ve got bad knees, and so I’m like, holy shit, okay, I’m going down. And then I get down, and it’s like silence to the lambs. I was expecting somebody to walk around the corner with night vision goggles on. All tucked in. Yeah. That would be you. Yeah, that’d be me. Yeah. So I make my way around this kind of labyrinthian basement area. And there you are with your family. Hey, you made it. It’s like, yeah, barely. I was waiting for these stairs to turn into a slide for Christ’s sake. welcome Mr. Bond. Yeah. And somebody goes, let’s start running so so then yeah this is where you become a real asshole, by the way. Yeah. Go ahead. I was an asshole. Keep going. Yeah. So then i said hi to everybody and, oh, we mean my drink.Yeah, I was waiting for you to get the whole drink. It’s a bar, and so they have all kinds of good stuff, I’m sure. But I’m like, I’m very particular. If no one’s ever listened to this show, let me tell you. What could martini please shake? I’m very particular about everything. And so I’m like, well, do you got anything with a zero? And then the guy was just like confused as hell. Huh? He’s like, well, like, you don’t want any calories? I’m like, no, no, with a zero on the label. Yeah, you threw that dude completely. Yeah, he’s like, he didn’t even know what the hell I was talking about. Here’s a diet. No. No, not a diet. I want zero. Coke zero or Sprite zero. Listen, now, I’m going to tell you this, money puppy. People…I guess people don’t realize that there’s a big difference between a diet soda and a zero sugar soda. Yeah, because then you’re giving like the whole chemical breakdown. Like, this has more than an inch share. Well, diet sodas typically have saccharin or some, but all the zero ones have aspartame. Right. But it’s not just aspartame. It’s a whole concoction of things to make it taste a certain way. Mm-hmm. And I was, I kind of tried to get that across, but he was not having any of it. I mean, this did not seem like a gentleman that was like, you know, low functioning. Like I, you know, no, he seemed like a nice enough guy, but he knew his sodas. So, you know what I’m saying? I was like, Oh, he didn’t give a shit what I was talking about. That’s for sure. Oh, here’s a diet, ma’am. So it brought his pushy. Yeah. So I just got some water.I mean, you’d think I was, like, you know, pissing on his parade there. Yeah, and then you’re like, can I have some Perrier water? Well, I thought maybe he had a bottle of water, but no, I just got whatever spill was out of the thing on the… Do you have Poland Springs, perhaps? I need, yeah, Dasani, or, yeah, I don’t want Dasani. Do you have any Voss? Yeah. Oh, gosh. I would really love to have some Evian, but, you know, Yeah, you would have completely thrown them on that one. Yeah, I’d love to have some water from the French Alps, but yeah, or Fiji, Fiji water. Yeah. So yeah, I was a little embarrassed. Like, oh, geez. Yeah. So then you’re like, you’re like trying to corral me. I’m like, no, no, you see, it’s got a zero.Most people would have just like, you know what? Yeah, let’s just throw in the towel and you’re going to sit there and debate it. Like, okay. No, listen, mate. I’m going to tell you this one more time. I didn’t realize it was going on for that long. It’s like some Monty Python debate going on here. Then we sat down there for a while and then we were going to go play some pinball. And I’m like, well, You know, where are we going for that? Up another fucking flight of stairs. Yeah. Crazy. And I don’t know if you saw it or not, but there’s a bathroom down there, like in the basement, but you’re not allowed to poop in it. I didn’t see that. Thank goodness. You cannot poop in there. They said they’ll watch you if you poop. Yeah, well, I mean, it was all… It’s a little different. It’s a little quirky. Yeah, so then I have to track up this…A totally different pair of rickety stairs. Yeah. And then when we get up there, it’s like pitch fucking black. Yeah, it’s dark up there. Walls are painted black. And I’m like, my eyes. I’m like, oh, my gosh. I’m like, is Marcellus Wallace going to be in one of these rooms tied to a log or something? All the light is from, like, the pinball machines, basically. Yeah, that’s it. pretty much for most of it. It’s weird. It’s like, it’s almost like root, like little bedrooms or something with video games in it or something. Yeah. They’re tiny. They’re little rooms. You’re right. Except for the big room, but there’s a lot of little rooms. Yeah. It was like, Oh, like in someone’s apartment or something. All in all though. I mean, that was all the weirdness. And once we kind of got going there and I got away from the drinks, then, uh, yeah, yeah. I, uh, it worked. Everything worked out, but, uh,My introduction to everything was like, oh my gosh, I’m going to fall down these stairs. I’ll be in a crumpled mess at the bottom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I thought that too. So then we had a pretty good time and we played, you know, all the good stuff. I injured myself in air hockey though. You what? I injured myself a little bit on air hockey. We were playing yourself. What happened? I just fucked up my arm. I was like, I went in, you know, like it was right in the middle. I reached out. Yeah, but we play it at all. It was, it was like, uh, you know, it was an arcade. It had all kinds of good stuff. I was all machines, which I liked, but a lot of other stuff as well.And they pretty much all worked. I think there was only one game that had like a bad flipper to it. Yeah, the Globetrotter game, which, yeah. I will tell you, the only thing I was disappointed in, it’s not, again, it’s not your fault, but when we were over playing by the Dr. No machine, that woman would not stop playing it. I wanted to get on that machine. I know, I wanted to steal her phone for doing it. I was like, it was getting late and then I had to, I had to makes a two and a half hour trek back. She loved that. Dr. No, man. Yeah. She just kept playing. And I was like, son of a bitch. I want to play that pinball machine. Bob’s all like, Hey, pussy galore. What are you doing over there on the, uh, I was like, well, I mean, maybe, maybe next time. What’s the old tool? What are you doing there on the video? So then, uh, you know, we had to call it a night and I wanted to drive back home and be home.Before the next day. I wanted to be home before midnight, which I did barely. About four hours. What’s that? You were there for about four hours, right? Yeah, I know, but I wanted to get home before midnight. Well, you had a longer drive than I did, yeah. Yeah, that was great. I get a text from you, I’m home. Here I am still. I’m in the middle of nowhere. Thank God I gassed up the car. Oh, my God. And nothing was open. It was like… I’m like, don’t… I mean, I don’t go out very late anymore, but it’s like nothing was open. Absolutely nothing. Is there not any more 24-hour things anymore or what? I don’t think so. I don’t… I’m not young and go running around like I used to, but when I was young, everything was open. You’d go and, you know… Yeah, I know. I drive by, you know, I thought…I thought, well, Miles is like, they have food here, but I’m not going to eat. Apparently, that was his play. And so then I was on my way back. I’m like, well, I’ll stop someplace. Absolutely fucking nothing. Well, you don’t know. I’m like… I almost decided to drive all the way to Springfield just to get something to eat. But I didn’t. I’m like, son of a bitch. I thought it was like, no, you know, giant… You know, a big semi-Poland gas station thing. There’s like nothing like that. Nothing. Nothing. It’s just farmland. I was like, I thought, you know, at least if I hit a deer, I can start a fire and have myself some venison. I heard Russia or something. There’s like nothing. Nothing. Yeah. We didn’t pass any things that were open. I’m like, God, dog. But this gets back to my being psychic because I went. And I know now the reason I went was not because…i would normally go because i wouldn’t. Yeah. It’s because what your story is going to be about. I, well, I expected you to bail out. I’m like, I think he’s, he’s politely going to bail out and i’ll be okay with it. You know, I thought about telling you that i wasn’t coming and then just showing up about 10 minutes later. i’m doing like a whole han solo on me like yeah but then i thought, now that’s mean. No, that’s all right. That’s all right. I’ve been funny. I’ve been funny. So here’s the, before you get to your story here real quick. So I get back home. I talked to my son. He’s still awake when I get home. My wife’s conked out and he’s like, oh, so you went. And I go, yeah, I went. I’m really tired. He’s like, yeah. Oh, okay. And then the next morning he gets up and he’s talking to his mother. He’s like, oh,I guess dad’s feeling real old. He thinks he’s got to go see everybody before they’re gone. Oh, that little bastard. This is before any of us knew what you’re going to talk about. Well, I feel bad because you’ve actually lost a lot of friends here. You’ve lost people. Yeah. At least in years. And that’s not funny. It’s a very serious thing. I’m very sorry that happened to you. Before I got there, and unfortunately, you’ve heard some of this already, but I was not feeling well. I had had some pains in my legs for several days prior to going to it. And even going down there, I had a lot of leg pain, especially my left leg. And everything is true, you said, actually, about that.place. I won’t rehash that. We stayed a little bit longer than you did because we did order some food. I totally went back on my word and had food there. We left and we had three blocks to walk to our car. That was the longest freaking three blocks of my life. My back and legs hurt bad. I’m like, oh. I feel terrible. I parked literally within Like three car lengths of the door. Oh no. Yeah. We had no, no, no. Yeah. Did you see that bar next door? All those people that were falling out. I was just right down from the bar. I was just like, like a car length or two away from the bar. Yeah. We just parked like literally like three blocks away. But, um, I’m like, man, I am freaking vain, you know? And, uh, I was even feeling, cause we probably stood what about three hours?plus playing video games and games. And like, you’re like, Oh, what are you doing? Sitting down like some pussy or something. Yeah. That’s right. Cause I ended up playing darts with your, your daughter-in-law. Yeah. Cause I had to actually sit down a couple of times. We were playing. Yeah. I didn’t want to go, you know, I’d be a little baby. Anyway. So, uh, I drove and I felt a little bit better and we got home late. Uh, and, uh, the next day, uh, which would have been Saturday, I guess. I’m like, fuck, my leg is fucked up. It was like a muscle thing. I go, this isn’t right. My wife’s been after me for like two weeks. Why don’t you go to the doctor? So I finally go and after about two hours, they’re like, yeah, you hit a blood clot in your leg. I’m like, what? Yeah. I’m like, okay, well, whatwhat do we do? Oh, well, you’re going to have an ultrasound tomorrow. Come back. The ultrasound person just left for lunch, so you’re… So you can just lay around with this thing? No, no. You’ve got to come back. Don’t they do anything? Don’t they, like, shock you or send sound waves to you to break you up or anything? No, nothing. Really? Nothing. And what? Drugs? No, nothing. Nothing. I was like, no, just go home. You’ll be all right. Go home. You know, my friend Mark died from a blood clot in his leg. That’s why I told you. Yes, you told me off the air. Yes. But the weird part about it, like the doctor, usually the nurse comes in first. Yeah, the nurse comes in. And immediately a doctor came in. He’s like, well, I’m doctor so-and-so. And he leaves. And this other guy shows up. And I thought it was a male nurse. He didn’t identify who he was. But he shows up.with tattoos and bad-smelling cologne. He’s like… Who are you to say what cologne smells bad, mister? Come on. He’s not wearing Drakkar Noir like I would. Oh, okay. Polo? Was it polo? I don’t know. Liz Taylor. I don’t know. Liz Taylor diamonds. No, it’s weird. I’ve never been given this question in a hospital, but it was like, do you feel safe at home? He’s asking you? Yeah. Oh my god i go i yeah like i’m thinking like like you like i’m afraid of falling or my wife beats me up or, well, I don’t know. I was like, I go, well, only when my wife told me, I don’t feel safe, but i mean i don’t think we have a weird question for like one dude that’s a dude like you knowI think that’s a new thing they ask everybody. Did he, did he ask you if you wanted to kill yourself or take your life? Oh, that was the other. Yeah. So I started like, you know, using the hand signals, like, you know, making a fist, like really fast, you know, like, and this lady’s like, okay. And, uh, she, you know, she’s like, I gotta do both your legs now. So sprawl yourself like a. like a frog. What? Oh, is she going to scan him or what? She’s going to do both her legs. All right. They put the gel on you, but the problem was she’s up by, you know, the business area, you know, of your, uh, you know, your hay nanny nanny, you know, and he’s not lubed that up. So now she’s like in the pubes, you know, and like pushing this thing down. And I was like, Oh,She’s like, she goes, he could use a little more blood up here, honestly. Oh, his blood flow’s getting better. Yeah, there’s not a lot of blood in this area. Well, the weird part was, like, usually radiologists don’t say anything, like, give you, like, their own opinion or conclusions or anything. Right. Oh, yeah. No, she’s like, oh, no, you got blood clots. Yeah, right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did she point at it? Did she put a marker on it? Oh, yeah. No, she had all these different colored pictures. Like, here it is. It looks like the Millennium Falcon going through your vein. You see it? Yeah. There’s your nuts. Yeah. I’m like, okay. And then later on, I get a phone call from like, this is ER. We’re calling in some medicine for you. All right. All right. Okay.And so, like, I get in line. I’m trying to go to the drive-thru of this new pharmacy I’m using. There’s, like, six people ahead of me. This place closes, like, in half an hour. Right. It’s taking, like, six minutes each car, at least. They’re going to close this one. They’re going to cut you off. Why don’t you just go inside? I can’t walk. Oh, okay. And I get up there, and there’s some girl, you know, a bunch of face piercings and such. Yeah. You’re going to have to talk to the doctor because you’ve never had this before. Yeah, thank God. I’m like, yeah, right. Okay. And I can see they’re shutting the lights off inside the store. I’m like, oh, fuck. This guy shows up. They got those shitty microphones. You know, it’s really shitty. It’s like standing like three feet away from this thing giving me instructions. I mean, it is like Charlie Brown. I cannot hear you.get by the microphone. So I get this slightly each time. I bet she gets just a little bit closer. All right. Now go home and kill your family. I just would have said, yeah, I was like, okay. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. Check, check. And, uh, so yeah, so I did that. And then, uh, I saw my regular doctor today and yeah. What the hell are you doing, son? No. Everyone’s so chill about it. Like, oh, yeah, you’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. Are you sure? Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about it. Well, it’s one of two things. Yeah. Is it going to be fine or… No. It’s not going to be fine. No, it wasn’t even that. Like, oh, you’ll be fine, pussy. What are you even doing here? Oh, my gosh. I go…yeah, I got this stupid thing. I’ve got this stupid, it’s an inherited thing. I have like a blood clotting thing called factor five, which originates, I think, in Sweden, I believe. Okay. Because I’m kind of a mutt, right? So I’m like, yeah, you know, that thing, that Swedish disease. He’s like, oh, I don’t know. He goes, I’m from Greece. I don’t know. He goes, Ikea? Ikea? Well, So anyway, that’s been my whole experience with it. But yeah, it’s weird. You’re okay now, though, right? Yeah, now I’m going to be taking eight daily pills. Oh, that’s fantastic. Maybe you’ll stop snacking. At this point, yeah, my meal will be the pills. Yeah, that’s good. With my Pepsi Zero, apparently. Well, you had Diet Pepsi to beyeah totally transparent yeah all right oh my gosh. This is harrowing, but see, that’s why i went. I went because yeah, you just had a close call, I think. Well, thanks to your son for jinxing me. Well, I don’t know these jinxing you he just was he’s he’s been witness to all these people dropping like flies, so it’s not like He’s in a vacuum or anything. He’s his own Polish Nostradamus. Yeah, he’s wishing death on me now. He’s like, oh. No, he’s not wishing death on you. Miles doesn’t die next, Danny. Yeah. There was a slight debate between him and my wife about whether or not you look better or worse. Yeah. My wife said, oh. I think Miles looks better than he did last time I saw, you know, pictures of him. And my son goes, no, no, my God, it looks gray. And pictures. Yes. I look very great. Yes. Well, no, I mean like your skin and everything. What? Yeah. He goes, Oh gosh. Yeah. He looks, that’s what he kept saying. And I’m like, really? And me to me, you’re just another weird shape floating in my world. You know, I’m not,that tuned into any of that. So like slammer from ghostbusters apparently. Yeah. Well, I wasn’t there for you eating the nachos though. Thank goodness. My gray skin. Thanks a lot. Jesus. Well, that’s what I’m just telling you. I’m reporting back when he said, and my wife was like, no, no, he looks better. Yeah. Oh, wow. Cause I, I took a couple of pictures. of everybody, you know, and there they knew i was up there and they get the pictures of, you know, like shoot up to the cloud right away. That was not quite real time, but they were uh taking a look. Yeah. See what i was doing yeah great yeah yeah okay and then and then my wife says, she’s looking at me, she’s like, why are you taking pictures of the pinball machine?because it’s because that’s the interesting part. Yeah. That’s what i thought. She’s like, really? I go, well, yeah, that was, that was why i was i was there yeah like you were winning every game i’m like oh that was not intentional no that that part was not part of my, uh, My psychic ability. I would have thrown every game had I known that you’re going to be in such bad shape after this. You have like 23 million. I have like 3 million. I would have thrown them all. I would have thrown the air hockey game. I think you did. You started throwing the game after a while. You’re like, ah, okay. That’s kind of boring. I knew it. You should have finished me, man.finish me no i i would i hey i never even when my kids were little, I never threw any games. That was just part of the process. You should have swept the leg. You should have swept the knee. Yeah. Yeah. But I will, I will. I mean, I’m glad that you’re okay. First of all, I would I’ve been very, um, upset about this whole situation? No. Oh, I have, honestly. In all honesty, I’ve been very upset about this. now How many times do i text you more than like once uh when you want to eat. You’re like, did you see the picture of myself well that’s because i’m being a jackass. On a regular one You did show some genuine concern. Thank you. That was very nice. I was very upset. I have been. I’m glad you’re doing fine, but I’ve been very upset about all this. But I will say I did have a lot of fun. I do love to play games. Well, we wanted to go there anyway, so I go, okay, well, two birds, one stone. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you weren’t feeling good. I just assumed you always don’t feel good, so that was just a one-off.Oh, yeah. So, yeah. But it was very fun. I did have a lot of fun. I just wish I didn’t have to drive two and a half hours. Yeah, a little bit. But, yeah. But, you know, you’re alive. I’m alive. I’m great. I’m glad. I’m hoping that it’s not anything worse. I’m puzzled because… You know, I know somebody who had this that passed away. And so, you know, maybe it went longer or something. So it scares the crap out of me to hear about it. So you said that I was like, oh, my gosh, this is like, you know, horrible. Oh, jinx. But I’m glad you’re fine. I’m glad they’re saying that it’s not such a big deal because it really, you know. I would think it would be. But it’s like, no, you’re fine. Don’t worry about it.Or maybe they’re just making you feel better. I don’t know. Forget about it. So anyway, take care of yourself, Miles. I don’t know what you got to do. I’m sure the doctor said something. No. He didn’t give you any tips on what to do not to have this again? No. Seriously? Yeah, no, I’m serious. I’m 100% serious. That doesn’t sound right. You’re going to be out of new medicine here, kid. There you go. What was it? Forever? A forever medicine or just temporary? No, no, no, no, no. Today medicine, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. I feel really bad. On that cheery note. Can I say something? Yeah, go ahead. Doctor says, he goes, son, how’d you get in this condition? That’s it. Family tradition.It’s a family tradition. You got to say it like that, don’t you? Yeah. Oh, okay.