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Static RadioAuthor: Bob LeMent
The strange and humorous happenings in the lives of two US Midwesterners. Language: en-us Genres: Comedy, Relationships, Society & Culture Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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McMicrophone
Episode 48
Tuesday, 9 December, 2025
Bob is angry about the state of online commercials, while Miles finds his McDonald’s doppleganger. Subscribe Random show from the last 25+ years Random Post https://youtube.com/live/Tq_HJ1cKaB4 Bad AI Transcript of the show this week yeah that’s what I’d like to hear Bye. Bye. There it is. Did you talk over the gong? Are you there? What? Yeah. Are you going to say this is Miles or no? Well, no, this is Miles, but I think you talked over the gong thing there, so I could not really hear you. Oh, sorry. There’s a gong at the end. There’s a gong. Get it on. Bang a gong. Bang a gong. Get it on. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Listening to the sounds of old T-Rex. Welcome. Are you the holiday spirit, Miles? Welcome to the winter solstice, which is static radio. Thank you. We’re the winter solstice. The planets have aligned and the show continues. Okay. That’s what I say. That’s what I say. That’s what I say. Kids, are you listening? Yes. Yeah. And back in my day, the show always went on. That’s right. Pantless. Yeah, no matter what. That’s right. No matter what. Oh, my goodness. Now, I’m going to bring up a subject here that is not a typical subject that we talk about.Well, don’t get into that. Don’t let your imagination run there. And many fantasies were learned on that day. Have you noticed there’s this trend here lately? So you and I went to film school, right? And we were taught A couple of things, not really too many, but a few things. And I’ve noticed this trend on online video. Everybody’s so fucking lazy. They’re even lazier than we are, which is hard to believe. They have people holding these tiny little microphones up by their face. And then they hold it up by the other person’s face. Those microphones are really cool, but… I mean, we were kind of taught to you don’t see the microphone unless it’s like interview style and then you have a regular microphone to kind of portray that rather than a microphone that’s actually supposed to be hidden, which is like a lavalier mic. And it drives me fucking batty. Not only that, they’re so lazy. Here inI don’t know, in Iowa, do they have sports betting? Yeah, donkey races. No, no, I mean like real sports. Yeah, they do. They do. They do. So in Missouri, they just opened up the online sports betting on December 1. And we’ve been barraged for now over a month with commercials. It’s coming. Sports betting is coming. There’s going to be sports betting. And all these commercials online and so forth are so shitty. There was one, I don’t remember what the sports bet was, but it’s literally a guy standing behind a water cooler with a coffee cup on top of it and a microphone sitting in the coffee cup. And he’s talking about how sports betting is coming to Missouri. It’s like, they’re like, hey, Billy, make a commercial for Sports Betty, Missouri. Well, how the fuck am I supposed to stand here? Just put the microphone in a cup on top of this so it’ll be the right. Okay. Let’s just take random, you know, objects in the office and stack them up to where we can have the microphone so I don’t have to hold it.Hey, this is Mark McGuire. They’ll be betting in St. Louis pretty soon with the betting circles. Pretty soon. Pretty soon. Then I see one with the uber-famous LeBron James. Okay, right. And he’s holding the little tiny microphone like he’s a goddamn fairy up to his mouth. He’s obviously on his phone because it’s vertical and He’s got the phone on the table, and he’s just staring down into it. That is the commercial. Hi, this is LeBron James. Sports betting is coming to Missouri. Why would he care about sports betting in Missouri? He got paid. He got paid to do it. He’s paid a lot of money. He probably got paid a million fucking dollars to stare down into his cell phone holding a gay fucking microphone. Why don’t they have Ozzy? What’s his name do it? Ozzy Smith.Ozzie Smith, yeah. He’s a hero. Come on. Well, I don’t know. I’m just saying. I don’t know. It just is driving me totally bonkers. And Deardorff. They could have him. He lives in St. Louis. Deardorff and Harts. Come down and have a steak. Here at Deardorff and Harts. But it’s just driving me batty how shitty. I mean, the commercials are shitty. They have big names making shitty cell phone commercials. People are doing Domino’s commercials in their cars holding these little freaking microphones. Hi, I’m Carol Channing. Just clip it on your shirt. That’s what it’s for. You can hide it. I know these microphones. They have magnets. You can put a magnet and you can hide it on your shirt. That’s what you do. I notice it’s more like on these Facebookclips where these guys are like on the street talking to like these women that have been, you know, out and about and drinking, whatever, ask them like really inappropriate things. And then, you know, women say, you know, something Friday night. Yeah. All right. No, but they’ve got the same setup. It’s like this little teeny microphone and they’re like, you know, like girls, would you ever kiss another girl? Hey, here’s my little, uh, fame microphone. look at it. You do know, you may not know this, but i know this. They have holders for those microphones to make them look like a regular sized microphone yeah they do and they don’t know anything we don’t want that no no we don’t want that we and the other thing is it helps with vibrations and, you know, people rubbing their fingers on it going Right. cordy no, they’re justlike hold it like it’s a turd. Little tiny. I’m picking up turds micro penis oh my God. I’m just like, it just, it just drives me nuts. I was, you know, and the thing is because now we don’t, there’s not really television. Nobody watches television. It’s all streaming. Those same commercials are on all the streaming services that play commercials. Like if you get Netflix and don’t pay enough or, Peacocker don’t pay and Paramount don’t pay the upcharge to not have commercials now. All those commercials, those shitty commercials are on those. Right, right. Oh my, you know, I feel it. I feel, well, I’m mad because I hate it. I’m also mad because shit, we could have been doing this all along, making big bucks. Why weren’t we doing this? It wasn’t allowed. It wasn’t allowed. Exactly. It wasn’t allowed.I’m like, just take a minute and you can hide it in your shirt. It only takes like two seconds. No, we don’t want to do that. I mean, what makes me so mad is these people are lazier than you. Yeah, pretty much. And that is pretty goddamn lazy. Yeah. That’s pretty. You know what grinds my gears? Peter Griffin. You ever wonder? Why do people hold microphones? Why would LeBron James do a cell phone commercial? LeBron James calling. Yeah, I was just like, I was just thinking about it tonight. I was just like, this is making me so angry. I can’t look at these things. This is Billy Gibbons calling for onslaught. I’m right in here in my sleeping bag. Sleep inside my sleeping bag.Let me do a commercial for sports betting. This sports betting is literally a billion-dollar business. Mm-hmm. Let’s not put inequality into any of the commercials. I’m the ghost of Pete Rose, and I’m here to tell you that St. Louis is coming alive with sports betting. Sports betting. It raises the dead. Mm-hmm. Anyway, I don’t know if you noticed that or not. Just saying. Yeah, just more or less those men in the street things that I like to watch. I suppose I should have known that it’s all like women sitting on food or eating bananas. One time. One time I watched something like that. All your relatives out on Friday night going, hey baby, what would it take how much would it take for you to put your tongue down this other chick’s throat? Wait a minute i gotta get my tiny mic over by you. Hold on a second papa might give me this. Yeah. The, uh, no, it’s just, I don’t know. I don’t know why it drives me so crazy, but it does. It’s like, oh my gosh. Now I’m just gonna start dming you all these videos now i’ll be like hey look at it no don’t it violatesbasic human decency. I’m being harassed. Sexually harassed. Facebook already hates me already. I’ve already been in trouble twice with Facebook over posting stuff. I’ve never been in trouble on Facebook. I know. I’ve just quit posting on Facebook. I hate Facebook now. What do you mean? Facebook was your first love. Well, we’re divorced now. We’re divorced now, man. Your every breath that I take. Nah, man. I love Facebook. It’s the best thing in the world. It holds me incredibly. It loves me. Not anymore, man. It rubs my feet. I’m TikTok all the way. Oh, my God. You know, the Chinese own TikTok, my friend. I don’t care. I don’t care. I love the Chinese. They’re my favorite. You know who owns Facebook? Mark Zuckerberg. Well, I don’t know, but I bet he’s pretty rich. I don’t know.I’ll put my credit card information here on TikTok. It’s all safe. All right. I don’t know. I mean, but I know this microphone thing is just driving me nuts. I’ll get you one of those little microphones and send you out and around talking to people like a little. Have you ever kissed another girl before? Would you kiss a rabbit between the ears? One has 50 bars and holds back. I’ve got this pocket full of quarters. Yeah. All right. Dick Smothers here. Yeah. I heard he was using that joke. I heard he used that joke on that poor little girl from Love Boat actually. That little girl. Yeah. Yeah. As old as you are. Okay. Well, I’m just saying back in the day, allegedly, I believe she’s telling a story where he said somethingto her, something like that. Well, it’s okay. It’s all right. I’m not defending Dick Smothers. I bet you do. I bet you do. You got that look on your face. You mean Tommy or Dickie? I can’t remember. Dickie. Dickie, really? Yeah. Look it up. What are you reading here lately? you know, the, like to expand myself and watch different things. Okay. So, uh, uh, what erotic Wikipedia or something? No, it’s out there, man. It’s out there. Beatles doing circle jerks and Dickie. I, I, I am a closet, a love boat fan. And, uh, yeah, I do watch interviews from time to time and, uh, you know, exciting. Isaac, you know, Isaac had some good stories, you know, Hey, Vicky Stubing, I got this pocket full of quarters here. Look it up, man. No, I’m not looking. Anything you tell me to look up, I’m not looking. You’re always like, no, dark web. I won’t look it up. Yeah, who knows what’s going to happen. I’ll be like you. I’ll be banned from everything. I don’t know. I just put very innocent stuff. Yeah. Let’s see. Let’s see. Vicky Stubing.Alright, I’ll find this article. I’m going to find this article. And you’re going to read it. Yes, the other week you didn’t want to hear about the Beatles. Paul McCartney’s story about the Beatles to kind of whack it in the same room right by each other and laugh. And you would not accept that story. You shut it down immediately. You’re like, no, no. Everybody’s talking about Revolution Day. So what’s going on with you other than your strange precaution to look for dirty stories online about the 70s superstars? Well, actually, you’re talking about dirty stories. You know, every once in a while, you… Did I ever tell you about my Wally Cox story? No, no, I don’t know. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear it, no. No, you know, you have a lot of stories as a young man because you work.you worked like 12 different jobs at least before you were even 18. Probably. I mean, you did everything. I’ve been working since I was 11 years old. I believe you. I believe you. Yes. And, uh, why don’t you know, you’re always talking about, uh, McDonald’s like some crazy shit happened there. You wouldn’t believe it. I’m like a little skeptical, like, I don’t know. I mean, you know, like, oh, the manager would pinch my butt and this girl did this in the bathroom. And, uh, you know, I stole this and I’d wash my clothes, my underwear and all these crazy stories. I mean, you’ve got probably at least half a dozen McDonald’s stories that you’ve told. Yeah. I probably haven’t even told them all yet. I’m like, certainly, certainly all this nonsense could not be going on, especially with management around and, you know,What do you mean? Management’s half the nonsense. Come on. Well, this is getting to the story. So this, so I’m going through the old tick tock and there’s this poor guy up on stage and he’s telling this McDonald’s story. Cause he used to work there like around 1990 or so. I don’t know what it was actually, but this guy gets up and I don’t know if he was about ready to cry or what, but he’s like, I worked there and I was a hard worker. And, uh, the, uh, the manager who tried to be cool, buy beer for everyone, took me into the cold locker. Uh, she wanted to be cool and she wanted to ask me if I would maybe do like a bachelorette party for her and some of like the managers at McDonald’s. Okay. Like amen or what? Yes. Yes. He was going to be the entertainment stripper.Yes, he was going to be a stripper, and then they were talking about it. He was afraid of getting naked. She goes, oh, no, no, you will be wearing something. You won’t be completely naked. Was that underwear that has an elephant on the front? Yeah, no, it wasn’t even that. They gave him this orange thong, apparently, he put on. Was he going to be a vorat? I don’t know. It did not show pictures of what actually happened. It was this poor guy with a hat on. You’ve got a thong. Well, I do, but I wouldn’t do what he did. You wouldn’t? I figured you’d be totally into that. No. No. Didn’t you just tell me a couple weeks ago, you’re like, I want to be in a local production of the full Monty. Actually, I went to a pool party over the summer, I’ll be honest with you, and I thought,Did you wear the thong? No, I did not wear the thong, actually. I wore the biggest pair of shorts I could find. They were hiked up to my nipples so no one could see my belly. Oh, my God. And so this guy goes to work in his uniform and like all the guys are kind of shooting him a look, you know, like they knew something was up. And so… They give him the thong to put on beforehand. He puts it on. It doesn’t really fit well, but he puts it on and he goes in there and it’s like the break room, apparently the staff or something, but it’s not a very big room. He goes, well, there’s like four or five older women in there. It’s like all management. Uh, they’re all smoking. Yeah. I take that. They put on some thong and this kid, you know, does it, you know, he dances, gets out of the thong and they’re all like,they’re all having heart attacks from smoking. And it gets done and come to find out, he finds out later that he goes, well, I wasn’t even the first choice or the second choice or the third choice. This poor kid was like number five on who they were going to ask to do it. He’s like literally on the verge of tears he said yes he said yes I thought of you though. I like, look at this fat loser, you know, that worked at McDonald’s. Not a me. Management, you know, making fun of them, you know, my underwear without anybody asking me. Well, they, yeah, I don’t know. I guess you’ve been the perfect candidate for it. Cause yeah, this poor kid, you know, I would have been like, don’t come in the break room. Just bring some chairs back by the washer. I’ll be five minutes. The skid marks. Yeah.Oh, my goodness. I believe in Michael. Welcome to hang out here with me while I wash my uniform. I’m going to clip my toenails if any women want to watch. I’ll hike my leg up on top of the washer here. Yeah. Nuggets. Oh, there’s a couple of nuggets there. Oh, my goodness. But I go, God, I felt sorry for the kid. He’s like, oh, no, they made me do it, and I had to run out and work. He’s got a harassment case there. Doesn’t that run out after, like, a while, though? Can’t you? Yeah, no. Well, I don’t know. Ask Bill Cosby. You got me. Bill C. Bill C. I don’t think you got a case, son. But if I didn’t think that was a young Bob Lament just telling his story. Nobody ever. None of my stories were like that. I know. I mean.You were lucky. I think you were lucky compared to this poor kid. He was pretty upset about it. I wasn’t upset about anything. But he was upset because he wasn’t like the first guy they asked. I think he was really upset. And I think that’s a problem there. He was low on the depth chart. You know what I’m saying? Like, oh, wow. Man, they asked Bob LeMet first. He said no. And then I went to, you know, Yoder. And he said no. Yoder never worked at McDonald’s. I don’t know. I felt bad for the kid. I don’t even know what it was about. I don’t know if it was supposed to be a funny or sad story. Yeah. Well, I would have never done that. Oh, man. You would do it. No. No. I can’t even pee in front of people. I can’t even imagine me trying to strip in front of people. Give me a couple of slugs. No.I can’t even, I can hardly pee in a urinal full of people, let alone try to strip in front of, uh, women much older than me, unless it paid well. And then I thought, well, maybe I could, well, I mean, I’m not cheap, but I could be had. Yes. I’m like, well, maybe people would go make out in the cooler whenever I was working. I never made out in the cooler, but yeah, you would really. Yeah. Are you sure there’s not some secret story that you’re withholding? No, I would probably tell you. There was outside doors to the cooler where you’d get the dehydrated onions. On McDonald’s hamburgers, they have little onions, right? Yeah. Those come in a bag, a packet, and then you put them in cold water in the stainless steel thing and youput it into the walk-in. Oh, okay. On a certain shelf. And then it’s right there. There’s a door that opens out to the area where you cook the hamburgers. And if you need more onions, you just go get them. Well, a lot of times you’d open the door to get the more onions and there’s people in there making out. Oh, man. Sometimes with their hand down each other’s pants. Yeah. Hey, you know, if you guys want more privacy, go into the men’s bathroom. Go back by the washing machine. Yeah, go back by there, man. You see me put on my 5 o’clock show, man. Do my own push-push. Yeah. I only count one person with their hand down another person’s pants in there. People would go in there to make out a little bit.what are you doing in there? Is this the quarter Pounder? And then they come out come out all you know. Hey, man, what’s going on the management oh yeah yeah where did you come from, baby? Hey, man, I want to see your nugget dance. Let’s see it. All right. The buns and nuggets let’s see Poor guy. I know. I felt bad for the kid. What was it? Confessional? I don’t even know what it was in reference to. It was like some guy with a t-shirt and a hat on. My name’s Miles. I used to work at Burger King. No, fuck. I was rich. I didn’t have to work. I know. You didn’t have to work like I did. It kind of looked like there was a guy in film school called Mark Neighbors, I suppose. Oh, my God. It looked like Neighbors?Yeah. Kind of slightly overweight, had a t-shirt. Basically looked like a baby, but not really a belly, but a belly, like a baby belly. Yeah. So shame on you, management. Well, I mean, he shouldn’t have done it, but in my mature self now, he probably should. stuck up for himself. He probably should have pushed it down to number six. Yeah. And some nasty kid would be like, yeah, I’ll do it for $20. Double checker. Yeah, and then he would have been better off. What about it? He decided to do it. It wasn’t like, you know. No, I know, but the lady was kind of like, hey, this is my job if I don’t do this. Yeah, but come on. That’s not right. I never felt like my job was in jeopardy. I just felt like I was, you know… Doing it. I was, you know, being groped. Yeah. No one threatened my job ever. Well, you didn’t get paid for it. The groping? Yeah. No, but, I mean, in other ways, you didn’t have to work as hard. Well, at least this kid got paid something for doing it. Yeah, I guess so. Well, that’s it. So, you wouldn’t do it. I mean…Back in the day, I don’t think that I would have done it, but the younger me did a lot of crazy things that today I would never do. Yeah, probably. Back then, I don’t know what was going on in my head. Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. The funny thing is I probably wouldn’t do it because of the dancing. Yeah. Because all you can do is the Peanuts dance from the cartoons because that’s like your only dance. you just dance in place, like you do have like your own river dance shoulders yeah you do like the river dance or something like i would have been too embarrassed to the dancing i know that’s that’s what get me. I’d be like, I don’t know yeah well that’s interesting i i don’t even know how to dance.Well, you have me on video trying to dance. Well, no, you took the video. I just got a copy of it. Well, no, I didn’t take it. I was dancing. You sent it to me though. It’s my faux dancing. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know the thing about dancing. I don’t know. Well, that’s interesting. I don’t know. Have you learned any lessons here tonight? Um, Yeah, I suppose there’s something there. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2025/12/09/mcmicrophone/” title=”McMicrophone” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2025/12/09/mcmicrophone/”
