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Corn Cashier
Episode 29
Tuesday, 14 July, 2026
Miles gets caught in the drama at the checkout, while Bob sings the praises of homegrown produce. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/E3JFkRUfi18 Miles gets caught in the drama at the checkout, while Bob sings the praises of homegrown produce. Corn Cashier Bad AI Transcript Live streaming, Fuse City, Jerry. Bob had sex with Candy here. And why are the M&M’s in his head? In my ear. In my ear. In my ear. Who’s that? Yeah. Drinking my old beer. My root beer. Must be a dream. Dig it. Hi, everyone. It’s me, Martin Riggs, doing the show. Martin Riggs. Martin Riggs. I’m too old for this shit. Yeah, yeah. Miles is in such a good mood tonight. It’s a little bit scary, actually. I think he’s probably close to death or something. He’s going to Mitch McConnell us… soon or something you’ll never know lindsey grammis or sam neill who died recently. Sam Neill. I was sad. I was sad when i saw that. I don’t usually bring in shit like that in the show, but i was generally sad to see uh but the sam neill or the sad part? Sam Neill. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was it was terrible he was he’s like such a a wonderful person. I know. I’m like, oh.Dr. Grant. I’ll go driving in my recreational vehicle without papers. L.A. Yeah. L.A. Great actor. He was considered for James Bond at one point. You have to let go of the fence, whatever your name was, little shithead. Let go of the fence so you don’t get hurt. Jacob. No, it wasn’t Jacob. What was that kid’s name? That’s the kid’s real name is Jacob, I think. Well, everyone knows that, right? I have no idea. That would be a good question. I don’t either. I have no idea. I don’t remember. I’ll have to look it up, but I’m not going to. This is a no-look-up show. You can’t look anything up. Not looking up, anyone. God forbid. I don’t think Bob looks up to some dresses. I think I’ll continue with a couple more vacation stories if you want to hear them. No, I don’t.Okay, well then go ahead. What do you have to talk about? No, come on. Go ahead. Come on. So I was thoroughly chastised for the entire… I just got back from vacation a little while ago. I was certainly chastised for the whole vacation by my wife and my daughter and then my in-laws, my brother and mother-in-law. So we are leaving town… to go on vacation. We did a little bit of a road trip. And, uh, as we’re leaving town, my wife is like, I have to do a number two, a work, a work call. I have to call on a conference call for work. Yeah. As we’re leaving town, I can’t get out of it. I have to do it from the car here. And, um,She’s like, everybody be quiet. And so I’m like, okay. Yeah, no problem. Excuse me. And we get to the corner of town, and I’ve already forgotten. And I look over, and there’s a farm trailer on the corner. Mm-hmm. And this is where every year they come and sell corn and tomatoes. And so I go, hey, the corn stands going to be open. Apparently, I said it very loudly. Oopsies. And so all of her workmates hear me say the coin stand’s going to be open. And she gets so angry with me. So she gives me, you know, she shoots me a dirty look at everything. You’re stupid. I’m like, oh, yeah, I was supposed to be quiet, right? I didn’t say anything dirty. What are you, what are you, chicken chonk? Hey, man. Jesus.I didn’t say anything like that, you know, this fucker cut me off or anything. I just said, hey, the corn stand’s open. And so the whole vacation, any time I was about to say something, the corn stand’s open? Uh-huh. Every time, I just kept getting it. The corn stand’s open! You know, like an idiot. The corn stand! And so, but… But the reality was when we got back from vacation. Everyone went there. Yes. Everybody went there. My wife’s like, will you run me down to the corn stand? I’m like, son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. Honey, would you be a deer? Yeah. If only I were Ike Turner. Anyway. All right. what’s love got to do with it? Corn stand. So, yeah, so we went down and got some corn, and you know what? It was really fucking good. Yeah. It’s the best fucking corn, I swear to God, when that corn stand opens. It’s like, gotta go get some, right? Do you have a corn stand where you live? Yeah, they have some, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So we got corn, we got tomatoes at the corn stand, but it made me so angry because I was made fun of for…you know, like a week and a half. You’re stupid. Yeah, you’re stupid. You ruined my business meeting saying corn stand. You know, I didn’t curse or anything. There’s a lot worse things you could have said. Yeah, I could have said, yeah, a lot of, a lot worse things. Trust me, if we were, if the driving situation, if it was totally switched and she was driving and I was on a business call, there would have been cursing of everybody around us, you know, the cocksucker cut me off. Son of a bitch. Yes. Yeah. You know what I mean? Cause that’s the way my wife talks. Yes. That is not an understanding. Yeah. Let’s not even exaggerate. I can’t even think of how many dirty things that she would say while driving on vacation that she did say, Oh my God, we got stuck in traffic for construction. It was just constant profanity, which by the way, I have a question for you. Go ahead. So we went,down south, we went down to uh georgia was our most southern point. We were in Savannah, Georgia. And we went to a lot of places in between. But anyway, why in the south do they wait until summer to do the road construction? It doesn’t get that cold down there. They could do it all year long almost. But they wait until the summer to do the road construction. What’s the deal? Is it like it’s like a union thing or something? I don’t know. You usually know people, so Well, I could probably find out. I know people that work for me. I could find out. I’m like, I could probably find out for you. I was like, we’re down there. We’re sitting in traffic. And I’m like, what the hell? They could do this any time of the year. It’s not like being up north here where you get snow and everything. They get nothing down there. It gets a little chilly. They don’t realize Bob Lamont’s in line and I don’t wait in line.I waited like a half an hour to get between Tennessee and Kentucky. It was a big to-do. I don’t know what the hell they were doing. Me and my wife, Lovie. Now, I had another weird experience as well, real quick here. So I was in Asheville, North Carolina on vacation, and we were going to have some churrascura, I think is how you say it. It’s the Brazilian – restaurant where they bring out these giant skewers of meat and cut off a piece and put it on your table or your plate. Have you ever been to one of these things? No. Oh, really? I figured you, you of all people would have been to one of these things. I’ve not had any kind of Brazilian experience. I think it’s called Churrascura. Churrascura, I think is what it’s called. Anyway, I’m probably saying that all wrong. But anyhow, so we’re heading downtown Asheville to go to this…steak place and we get off the highway and we pull up to this corner and there is several, um, unhoused individuals. It seems like laughing about. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I got, I got you. And they, I think at least one of them or maybe two of them were kind of, you know, asking for money and whatnot. Yeah. But we were in a stoplight, obviously. You get off the highway, you go to a stoplight. Yeah. But there’s three people who all looked very similar in their attire and their disheveledness, shall we say. Nice. And they started, like, fighting. What are you doing? Now… The most humorous part, which I should not laugh at, this is horrible of me to even mention. Yeah. But one of the guys only had one leg and was on crutches. Oh. And he proceeds to kick another guy in the ass. Uh-huh. And guess what happened? He fell. He fell. The bastard fell, didn’t he? You know, there’s an old joke about…You’re probably as good as a one-legged man. Yes. Yes. It played out at a stoplight in Asheville. He’s like, God damn. It’s right. It’s right. I was like, we’re sitting there going to this restaurant, which now I feel bad about now that I mentioned it. Well, now I feel bad. At the time, I wasn’t thinking about it. Now that I’ve just said it again. But now that I’m laughing at it. All this is unfolding on the corner. And yeah, literally, this guy apparently gets mad at the other guy. One-legged guy. And he kicked him in the ass. I mean, he got him. But then, of course, he took a tumble. Well, that’s confidence. Well, yeah, he’s got some chutzpah. That’s for sure. I give them that. You know what I mean? Fuck it. Like, fuck, I’m going down, but oh well. I’m going down, but you’re going down with me, buddy. Yeah, oh well. And they were tussling, and I was like, let’s just get out of here. Did you join in? Like, all right. Yeah, that’s right. I rolled down the window. Hey, buddy. You got your elbow out. All right, MFers. That’s right. You got Moxie. Come down to the Churroscura, and I’ll buy you a plate. Oh, have some scura. Yeah. Yeah.But anyway, I’ll be honest with you. Chiroscuro was not as great as I was hoping it would be. Yeah. But it was cool. These guys come out with these giant swords and they literally cut meat off of them and put it on your plate. It’s like a James Bond movie. It is. It’s just… They throw them at people and they’re on fire. It’s like… What’s that biscuit throwing place? Lambert’s. Yeah, it’s Lambert’s, but with like skewers. With skewered meat. You killed my grandma, you son of a bitch. I will say the food wasn’t the best, but our waiter was the best waiter I think I’ve ever had in my life. He was so good. He was handsome. He was handsome. He was nice. Yeah.kept my drink filled, which is, you know, that’s the number one thing for a waiter so so what’s going on with you i that was all these experiences, yes. I’m a french man working at a brazilian he wasn’t french but yeah. Oh, he’s like, just tell them you want the juicy meat. Yes, sir. My name is Steve K. Hello. I have juicy meat. So what’s going on with you, Miles? It melts in your mouth. You know. Awesome. I just see if he’s listening. That wasn’t really me. He’s at home on his couch and got the kids around. What the hell are you doing? What the hell? Sorry, kids. Weird-ass person on there. These weirdos talking about weird stuff. I hope this isn’t costing me anything. I’m going to have a talk with that lady that runs this, what her name is. So what’s happening with you? Anything? So…I don’t know. I don’t know if this is, well, you know, the show is the weird and funny. Oh, and of course this dog has to act like an asshole. Let me let my dog out as I start this. Okay. Yeah. Oh, let’s just stop the world. Everybody stop the world because I have a Labrador. Okay. So I’m on, I was on vacation. My vacation wasn’t as good as yours. Never is. But That’s okay. You went to some places I wanted to go to, and I was very jealous, but I’m very glad you got to. And I didn’t get to see the Hunley. Go to Georgia and watch people blacktop the roads. That’s right. I didn’t get to Goose. No. Savannah. We had gone to a ghost town, and we were on the way back, and, you know, I’m like, fuck, we’re not going to eat for a while if we…Kind of committed to eating, you know, a meal at my mother’s house. Like, oh shit. Oh my God. I’m like, can your mom even cook anymore? What is it? Well, my brother-in-law actually. Oh, okay. Well then you lucked out there. I mean, she’s really old, so. My brother-in-law kind of looks like if like Robert De Niro got stung by a bee, you know, he kind of looks like that a little bit, but what do you say? He looks like a raging bull. Sort of, sort of, kind of, sort of. Yeah. And, um, like Jake LaMotta after his prime. And, uh, so I go, well, here, here’s a big chain, uh, place. I won’t mention the name, uh, Burger King. Uh, sort of, we’ll just go with Burger King. No, it wasn’t Burger King, but anyway, um, we pull in, I go, does anyone want anything? And I was kind of the only guy that wanted anything. And I was like, no.That’s always the case. I’m on vacation, God damn it. Give me the apple pie. I’m going to have a Pepsi, God damn it. That’s right. And so as we’re pulling in, I notice a lady looks like she works there. How could you tell? Was she wearing the uniform? They have a colored uniform. Was it Sonic? No. It was not, it was not really a food place. I don’t really want to cut this. There’s some bad stuff going to happen here. So I don’t, I don’t want to say, you know what I’m saying? And, uh, and I could see she was like in some kind of, you know, uh, intense phone conversation, just reading her body language. And she looked, I don’t know. I probably about 10 years younger than me and I’m old. So anyway, so, uh, I go, hold on. I need about two minutes, guys. I’ll be back. Get out of the car.I go into the store. You got to go give me some pork rinds. Yes, my Funyuns and everything else that’s on my diet. And there’s a short line ahead of me. There’s like an older woman and a gentleman who looks like a tweaker and then me. Do you have like – is this like – That little who’s it’s game or whatever. You’re like, oh, it’s a tweaker. I got a match. No, I don’t know. I don’t know who this guy looks like. Anyway, so there’s a nice, I would assume, local lady ringing up people. Oh, wow. Welcome. Welcome to Michigan. Oh, wow. You’re getting the coke there, are you? Oh, wow. Yeah. Welcome to North Chinook there, eh? And, uh, so anyway, the old lady gets done and then like, uh, the Quakers up there and now the phone lady like kind of comes in and some horrible tragedy has befallen her family. Oh no. Something horrible. Like someone has possibly died or been seriously injured or something. Wait a minute. Yeah. This sounds very familiar. Go ahead. She wrote this movie.No. It was about French miners, but I can’t remember the name. Yeah. Hey, shut up. I was trying to tell you about a movie, you jackass. You stupid, stupid. No, but anyway, so the tweaker gets done. He only had one or two things, and I get up there. And this poor lady is just like pouring out her soul to the cashier. Cashier is very pleasant looking at me like, oh, hi, your daughter. Welcome to Canada. I don’t know what the fuck we were about. Oh, yeah. And I go, I’m going to have to go home and help my family. And I’m trying to get help, like people to cover my ship. And I just want you to know that. And I felt, and I’m not making fun of her because this was like a really serious thing. I felt so bad for this lady. I go, I go, maybe I should just like leave my stuff. Maybe you should have this.box of Twinkies instead of me. Yeah. Like, could I give you a rose or something? Or I know I felt so horrible. I felt so horrible. I mean, would you like any of this selection of gum? I felt like an asshole standing in line. Like I wasn’t, I didn’t do anything to be an asshole, but I felt like an asshole because this poor lady’s ringing me up and like her boss is there in tears, choking back horrible news, you know? trying to find coverage. I mean, it’s so dramatic. I’m like, even I was like, Jesus Christ. Oh man, I’ll do it. Give me the schmuck, you know? And like, they kind of awkwardly hug, like, come here, come here. And, uh, I thought maybe I should offer a hug. Oh gosh. Yes. Which, you know, being, you know, semi-autistic, I thought, I changed my mind. I was like, yeah, yeah.maybe I shouldn’t, it’d be weird. It’s too forward. And it all washed away and I didn’t care anymore. Yeah. So I’m like, listen, if you want this, you who you take it and, uh, got this, you and these ring dings, may the angels be with your mother. I don’t know. I don’t, I, God, I felt horrible. I really, I wanted to walk away from the purchase. I really did. I was like, I’m just like, I was just, You know, this lady’s pouring out her soul to a workmate. This glop of fat and sugar kept me in line. And the workmate’s just continuing on with a smile on her face. Let me ring up this young lady back here with all the candy. I should have said, you know, hey, listen, I can wait. Why don’t you guys give up your grief thing andI didn’t, though. I go, what would Bob Lament do? I’m like, well, Bob Lament would probably just muscle through it. That’s right. Hey, is this going to take a long time? I mean, your grandma’s already dead to begin with. Well, first of all, if there was self-checkout, I’d be in the self-checkout lane. There was. Yeah, I would have never went to the… Person. That’s for sure. There was, it was an option. I wish i would have taken it directly to self-checkout and i would have checked out and paid and got the f out of there. It was so awkward. That’s what self-checkout is for. Yes. I’m going to use it exclusively from here on out. I used to like, no, I’m not going to do self-checkout because i’m stealing someone’s job.No one wants that job. Nobody wants that job. They’re in that job because that’s the only thing that’s available. I don’t know. I don’t quiz these people. I have heard no one ever say, you know what I want to do with my life? A cashier? I want to be a cashier at a big box fucking store. That’s what I want to do. And you know when you say to people like that, you go, have you been dropped on your head or something? What is wrong with you? My name is Pablo Mance. I’ve always wanted to work at Walmart. It’s the best job ever. You’re not taking away anyone’s job. You’re taking the aggravation out of your life. I guess. From here on out, I’m all computer, man. I’m all 100%. You can’t even work it. That’s why you didn’t go. You didn’t go because you couldn’t work the self-checkout.Well, no, because there’s like this old bat in front of me, and then there’s a trooper, and then there’s me, and I thought, okay, well, this will go fast, and then all of a sudden it’s like drama city, which I feel bad about, which I didn’t cause this drama, by the way. I didn’t kill anyone. Okay, well, are you sure? I don’t know. Let me ask you this question. Yeah, go ahead. Were you in the little scooter thing that they have for people? excuse me. Excuse me. The little electric uh shopping cart that you can scoot around the store. Were you in that? because I have a feeling you were. Yeah. Yeah. You just didn’t know how to back up. You got in line and you’re like, how do you back this? I’ve never backed one of these up before. I was in line wearing my shants, you know, and, uh, I got my oxygen tank here and i’ve gotten the scooter.And my blockers on, I was ready to go. So whoever this lady is, I hope whatever happened to you, I hope whatever. You were so worried about her, you didn’t even eavesdrop on the conversation. No, I heard the whole thing. I listened to the whole damn thing. Oh, I was just not talking about it. Okay, you’re not revealing what the problem was. I was acting like I couldn’t find my debit card for a while, just so I could eavesdrop on it a little bit. You’re like, I wonder if I could sway this woman into paying for my stuff. Well, I thought maybe they’ll wave me past like, hey, this is very traumatic. Why don’t you just go, sir? It’s all free. Yeah, take your pork rinds and your yoo-hoo and get the F out of here. Yeah, you Polish bastard. Get out of here. So I don’t know. I feel bad. So whatever happened, may your grandma sleep with the angels. I don’t know what happened, but I feel bad. I really do.I really feel bad. I don’t think you do, honestly. Neither does my grandma. You don’t think so either, Angel? No, I don’t think so. I don’t think that grandmas feel bad about it. Oh, see? Exactly. So Steve or Angel, do you guys have like a weird story, a quick weird story you want to tell them? Go for it, Steve. A little faster, Steve. It was Angel who spoke. Yeah, okay. I can speak. I recently moved out to a new home, and I left the kids to choose the bedrooms, and I ended up with the smallest bedroom so far. Oh, my. What? You fool. Yeah. It makes sense. They are packing me into a smaller package from time to time until they get me to that casket. You took the smaller bathrooms?That is what it is. El baño es muy pequeño. Steve, el baño es pequeño. I can’t believe… I don’t know. I cannot… Angel? I think maybe you need to take a course in asserting yourself because, I mean, you’re probably paying, right? They’re not paying. Are they paying? No, no, they’re not paying. Yeah, they’re children, right? They’re not paying. Yeah, they’re not. Yeah, you deserve. You deserve the other bathroom. The king. The king. Do you read the bathroom, Angel? I like to read in the bathroom. You’re right. You’re right. But it is what it is. I mean, it’s either here or they get crazy with their mom. Hmm. It’s leverage. Now, is this paying off in any kind of sexual favors from anyone? No, that sounded weird. You know, Angel, I was thinking that too, but I thought, you know, he’s in it for himself. By the way, I was part of an open mic and they picked two words for me. One was babies and the other one was weddings.And I said, like, it’s funny because one thing leads to another, but the other, it really matters because you cannot really marry a baby. No, that’s true. Well. That’s not what Bob’s wife said. Serpentado de pantalones es pequeño. Oh my, this guy, anybody has to speak Spanish. I speak Spanish. So what? In the room, he’s going to start spouting. He doesn’t speak Spanish. None of that made any sense. Yeah. I said the pants snake, the trouser snake is small. That’s what I said. Okay. Yeah. That was weird. I went with this guy at stores. He starts speaking Spanish to people. Yes. Yeah, I heard that he wanted to go out with a cashier or something like that. He was hitting on the cashier while she was hearing the sob story. Yeah. Sir, quit pushing the horn on the free cart. Yeah, he said it himself. They’re not that smart, so.He wanted to get some kind of menage a trois with the cashier and the crying lady. The crying game. Steve, anything in your world? I see you have a nice hat. Oh, that picture was taken in Reno, Nevada. Really? Yes. The river. It doesn’t look like Reno. Was it free? Was it free? Yeah. Yeah. Was this a Polaroid on the strip somewhere? Oh, this is a selfie with my camera. Oh, okay. It looks a little old. I don’t know. I’ve been alone for a few years. Nobody takes my picture. I’m just documenting my life. Oh, well, that’s sad. Angel, you have another bathroom? I was going to say that the picture looks very low res and all, but it almost makes it look like a Flintstones kind of picture, likewith the beak of the bird tapping out? Oh, thank you. Behind me is called the river Walk. If you go to downtown Reno, there’s a walk really yeah and I made some money. I also played the trumpet, and I was playing the trumpet, and people were throwing money in my jar and giving me joints to smoke. Really? Do you speak Spanish huh Did you speak Spanish while you were down on the river? I’m told I speak 50% Spanish, but the problem is my comprehension. I don’t understand what’s being said to me, but I can speak. I know a lot of Spanish words. Well, then, yeah, you and Miles will get along great because you can both not speak Spanish to each other. I do speak Spanish. I’m actually based in Mexico. I’m from Mexico. Well, I believe you, Angel. These other two guys, I’m like, I’m not even going to. Angel, from another mic, you said you got deported.You got deported to the United States? No, out of the United States. Oh, out of the United States. I was dating a girl and I was making her miserable as her ex. You know, classic Mexican stealing jobs. Yeah, it’s amazing. Bob, I was very intrigued by your story, how you’re doing comedy in Mexico. You’re rebuilding your life, and you’re still keeping in touch with us. It really touched me, your honesty. I was listening. I was paying attention. Yeah, thanks. Miles, how about you? You touched. No, but I enjoy Mexico. I’ve been there a few times. Yeah, I know. That’s why we think he can speak Spanish. Now there’s some good looking women down there. I told you that that girl, I was eating at a restaurant and that girl leaned over. She goes, do you want to eat my Papa? I go, I don’t know what that is, but I’m down, you know, DTF, French fries. Those are potatoes. And she’s like, you love French fries. I can tell just by what she was offering me. I’m like, hell yeah.Yeah, from what it sounds, it doesn’t sound Mexican or a girl. Thank you. Very good, Angel. Very good. Oh, my God. I needed that. Oh, that was funny. Oh, my God. There was the cook. He’s like, I got all these potatoes. Get rid of them. A man can’t go on a date with a tranny? Well, that’s not true. You can’t really go wrong with a six-inch clitoris. No. I think her name was Lola. Well, guys, I think we’re going to wrap the show up, but you’re welcome to stay on. Oh, my God. I’m going to close it down now, and then you can – Angel, I hope you get to add another bathroom to your house. Yeah, a little bit. And Steve, you know, Reno is always going to be there. There’s always going to be Reno. Yeah, I live in Las Vegas, so it’s what, like a six-hour drive to Reno? Oh, really? I’ve never understood why people live in –a gambling town and go to another gambling town. But I guess all of Nevada is like that. Well, you know why? Because the only two towns in Nevada, between Reno and Las Vegas, you got nothing. So I just wanted to see the only other city. That’s why. What about, oh, what’s the name of that? It was on a TV show. I’m blanking on the name of the Parumph. Parumph isn’t too far from me. Yeah, see? That’s another town. I know. Well, I have to rent the car while I want to go places. And most of the time I just walk around. The strip area. Oh, well, there you go. All right, guys, we will. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/07/14/corn-cashier/” title=”Corn Cashier” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/07/14/corn-cashier/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-
