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Traveling Guys
Episode 61
Wednesday, 8 July, 2026
Bob goes to see a mansion and then leads a rescue, while Miles ignores the signs and ends up deep in the mud. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/-1lcSSl_kgE Bob goes to see a mansion and then leads a rescue, while Miles ignores the signs and ends up deep in the mud. Traveling Guys Bad AI Transcript The sound of summer. Hey, everyone. Miles Pytle with Static Radio Podcast. And Super Phlegm. That’s your new nickname. Super Phlegm. He’s Super Phlegm. My esophagus. Now, my, my, why you got so much phlegm in your mouth? It’s not phlegm. He’s super phlegm, super phlegm, he’s super phlegmy. Yeah, wow. Temptations sing. Yeah, exactly. God, he’s so goddamn phlegmy. I feel like I’m smoking weed again. He’s drinking a gallon of milk or something or whatever. Yeah. I was smoking weed again, man. Oh, are you? Okay. No, I feel like it. I feel like it. I mean, everybody does gummies these days, so I don’t know why you’re smoking it. No, I haven’t in a long time. I’m just saying. Oh, okay. so we are a couple of, uh, traveling guys yes we’re traveling traveling guys this is the East. We’re coming to your house we’re gonna party down. We’re the traveling guys. I don’t have that uh songSo, yeah, you went somewhere, and I went somewhere, and normally that never happens. Usually I just go somewhere. True. No, that’s true. I’m not offended. That is true, actually. You normally don’t go anywhere. I try not to. Or you just go down to the Casey’s or something and bother the people. Yeah, as I like to. Yeah, the peoples. So where did you go? I was up by the Wisconsin-Michigan border area. Oh, really? Did you go to the Dells? Well, that wouldn’t really be the border area if you knew cartography, which you don’t. I’m not a cartographer. I guess the Dells is lower. Stupid shit. lower than where you were at. You were higher. Well, they don’t have fucking geography class where the fuck you want. Can you say geography? No, I can’t say if i’m drunk. Uh, I got all this phlegm going on yeah yeah no i have snap up there in the michiganders oh yeah i got yeah i got beamed in the head. Yeah. I was at a cemetery and something hit me in the head. I go, what the fuck?was this slimy fucking pine cone hit me in the head. This freaking ghost drops us on my, it’s awful as sap or as some people like to call it uh ghost spooge. I’m walking around like cameron diaz from, uh, there’s something about Mary. Yeah, I’m walking around. I’m like, oh, there’s goo in my hair. Oh, my God. Is it bird shit on me again? No. Everyone was hoping it was bird shit. Like, oh, I hope it’s bird shit. I go, I don’t think so. I go, it smells like pine, and it’s really gooey, man. It’s sticky gooey. What’s a squirrel spunk? I don’t know. It just hit me right. Like, literally, I was walking into the cemetery, and it was like, what the hell?Did you look around? Maybe there was a clue on one of the tombstones. You know? I thought I heard ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. I mean, you know, look for some kind of sign. You know what I mean? No, that was the sign, so much. I knew it. Okay. I think it was a ghostly encounter. I think it was. Spunky pine cone. Yeah, I’ll pull a spunk. I’m like, geez. Really? Then I’m like the whole, I’m obsessing about it like the rest of the day. I’m like, God. Is it in my hair still? Is it in my? Well, it got hard. Did you? It got hard. You’re like, I could, if I rubbed this in certain places, I could be useful to me. The more I rubbed it, the harder it got. You weren’t wearing a hat? You weren’t wearing a bear’s hat? What’s going on? No. Well, I have a lot of hair. I haven’t cut my hair in a long time, so I didn’t think I needed it. Yeah.You’ve been blessed. I don’t think your dad is really your dad. I’m just saying. Yeah, well, I don’t know. We look an awful lot alike, so I don’t know. He didn’t have any hair. Yeah. That’s all inheritance, though. And he never coughed up as much phlegm, for Christ’s sake. Yeah. He didn’t. I’m sorry, man. Sorry. That’s the way it is. So… You got slimed by a pine cone in the cemetery. What are we doing in the cemetery? What are we looking for? We went to an old ghost town and I go on the map. Really? Yeah, there is. Yeah. It’s an abandoned west. You know what I mean? No, it’s an abandoned like foundry or whatever. Got you. Company town? Yeah, right. It was right on the water. And I go, oh, there’s a cemetery. And my daughter-in-law is like, that is way too far to walk. For a fat guy like you. I’m like, excuse me. Back in the day. I walked everywhere. Then I had to pull my Shelly Winters on her. I pulled out this medallion like, I used to be the swimming champion back in high school.She said, you can’t do it. You won’t make it. Have you ever heard of a man called Dave Waddle? He was a buddy of mine and he was a walking champion. Yeah. And you know what? That little shit was right. We had to get in the car and go to this place. Damn it. Damn it. No, we had some… Uh, we didn’t actually tell my relatives we were there, so we could actually go sightseeing, you know, so. Oh, gotcha. So you did a little, oh, you mean you didn’t even tell them at all? Uh, no. Well, towards the end of our trip, we did. Oh, okay. So you went, you snuck in and then you go, Hey, we’re here. We have been here for three days. We got it. We got in Friday night and Sunday. I went to church with my mom. I freaked her out. And she’s like, it’s an apparition.I know she was all freaked out crying. I thought that ghost miles would be much thinner than real. You’d be surprised. You’d be, but, um, we, uh, there’s a lot of waterfalls up there. A lot of them are pretty small, you know? Yeah. And, uh, we were going to go to one of the larger ones. and we, uh, it was a little bit of a car ride. You know, we get there there’s four of us and, uh, there’s like all these people just kind of mulling around the parking lot, just like zombies. I’m like, Hmm, that’s weird. Like, you know, like, I don’t know. What is this? Like a grateful dead concert? I didn’t know what it was. Somebody like, were they selling food or no? Yeah, no. There was like,They were just standing around. I’m like, what the hell is going on? So I go waddling up. There’s like a park ranger thing. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me. You guys are like, you got a pine cone stuck to your head. Let’s see where the other one landed. You can’t take that out of the park. Excuse me, sir. No, the trail is blocked off. It’s physically blocked off. You can’t go there. Can’t see that one. I’m like, what’s up? She goes, oh, yeah, the trail’s washed out. There’s no way in hell you’re going there. Well, let me show you. I’ll go get my car. My name’s Bob Lamont, and I’ll do whatever I want. Here’s $300. Go F off. You know what I’m saying? Whatever I jam well, please. I’m rich. I’ll buy this waterfall and this broken path. Everyone’s like, oh, that nice lady. I’m like, she’s a bitch.Oh, man. It was like a nice lady like your mom. A really nice, sweet lady. Everyone’s like, oh, she was so nice and sweet. No, she wasn’t. Right. My mom didn’t like you, so there you go. Well, I liked her. It was nice. It wasn’t mutual. I don’t care. She was nice. It was unrequited love. It was unrequited love. And So to salvage it, I go, let’s… Well, actually, I didn’t really pick this, but down the road a little ways was… There’s an ice cream shop, I’m sure, in this neighborhood. Yeah. No, we actually stopped to get drinks, and there’s some weird noise going on behind this store. I’m like, is this Jurassic Park? What the fuck? They’re like… No, yeah, no. There was an old lady working there, and me and a stranger, we made eye contact, and we both asked the same question, like, what the fuck is that noise? Yeah. And the lady’s like, oh, that’s just a parrot, but we don’t want people fucking with them, so we keep them in the back. I’m like, oh. Oh, parrots are so annoying. It was loud, though. It was so loud. I go, this has got to be like an emu or some shit or ostrich or… He’s like, I’m being raped by Jeffrey. I’mSo anyway, uh, so I turn here for, uh, you know, danger falls. I’m like, okay. Yeah. Great. And at first it’s paved. You’re like, oh, okay. All right. That’s good. And then it’s, it kind of becomes like a gravel road. You’re like, oh, okay. And then it says something like country road ends. I’m like, oh, okay. And now it’s more like mud. Oh, and, uh, Parked on the opposite side of the road, like, lots of cars. I’m like, that’s weird. Like, a bunch of abandoned cars. I feel like I’m in The Walking Dead. Like, you know, like, I’m like, what the fuck? Are these the same people that were in the parking lot milling around? No. I don’t know. I don’t know. And then, like, then people were parking on our side of the road, so there’s very little room. Uh-huh.to maneuver, and now there’s like duallys coming the other way. I’m like, oh, this is not good. You kept going, even though all these cars were parked. You kept going. Well, you kept hoping there’d be a conclusion to this. You’re like, oh, okay, all right. You’re here for something totally different that’s irrelevant to what we’re doing. I have no idea what the fuck all these people were doing. I get preferential parking because I inherited a placard. Right. Yeah, I know. Well, we’ll certainly. And finally, my wife was driving. She was, I’m just turning around. Fuck it. Yeah, no kidding. Wow. And my wife is driving. It’s a wonder you guys didn’t barrel right on through. No, she got us. Thank God she got us out of there. I was so happy. I’m like, let’s just go. You didn’t even get to see any waterfalls? No. And we’re trying to warn people.we’re trying to warn people coming into this thing. Like, Hey, you may not want to go to this. You’re going, you’re going. I know. I was like, uh, Gene Hackman and the Poseidon adventure. Like come on the wrong way. The powers. The second Poseidon adventure. Yeah. Do you watch it recently or something? No, that wasn’t the first one. I remember like a minister was leading all these people. He’s like, and, uh, so, uh, There was a little town called Christmas, which I was just there with my brother. I go, I know there’s a beach. And we got there and we had the beach to ourselves. It was very nice. And a good time. All those cars kept parking around. Yeah. All of a sudden that big group of people like, hello. So nothing like a town called Christmas. Yeah.So Christmas it was. You’re very festive there, young man, with a pine cone in your head. That was weird, though. What’s the chances of that happening? I’m like, wow. It’s a sign. I didn’t think so at first, but now the more I think about it, I’m like, you know. Wake the F up. I know. It was like some weird Catholic ghost got me or something. Beamed me in the head. I don’t know what the Catholic part is now. It’s a Catholic cemetery. Oh, exclusively? Nobody else? Well, come on. You know how that works. Come on. I don’t know. You know. You need to have a membership card to get inside. I didn’t know that. Oh, yeah. Are you okay? Do you feel any different? Do you feel like, I mean, is this not phlegm? Is this sap?that got into your system that you can’t get out now? I’m just glad it washed out. I’m just glad I was able to wash it out later that night because I was just like… Yeah. So that you could replace it with melted Hershey Kisses or something? I go, I think I know how Bob LeBent’s dates felt in Decatur, you know, when he would kind of… I’ll put it in my hair, honey. Oops. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it… Are you done? Yeah, I’m done. Okay, I wasn’t sure. You sound like you’re going to continue with another thing. No, you’ve got some exciting stuff. Go. Oh, no, nothing exciting. It’s funny, though, because I was on vacation as well, and we had a weird walking too far a distance story, which I think is a funny coincidence. This was your ghost tour. No, no, no. We did go on a ghost tour, but we went to Asheville…North Carolina, if anybody’s familiar. And there is a mansion there called the Biltmore Mansion. The Vanderbilts. It’s the largest private residence in the United States. Wow. And it is huge. Okay. We went and did a tour of the Biltmore Mansion. and so, uh, it was nice. I mean, it was built, you know, centuries. So it’s nice for that period of time. Obviously they’ve, there was no air conditioning. Uh, so that was a little rough, but, uh, I mean, it’s a very lavish home, uh, there in north carolina and extremely lavish grounds with, you know, gardens and you know, meadows and the whole nine yards. And, uh, you know, it takes forever to get there. And then you got to park far away. And so, uh, I don’t know. I, I’ve talked about it. My wife hurt her foot last year on Mackinac Island. Yeah. And still not recovered. Right. She had surgery and all kinds of stuff. And so we’re at the Biltmore. We did tour of the Biltmore. And then we take a bit of a, uh,It was a long tour because it’s a big effing house. I will tell you, it’s really quite fascinating and interesting. But to me, the most fascinating part of the whole house was the basement. Because that had a swimming pool down there. Like from the time period, there was no filtration. So they just basically filled it up and then drained it each time. Oh, God. It was huge. It was giant. They had all these little nooks and crannies down the basement for all of the stuff that took care of the people upstairs. They had a whole room of just cheese. It was like the cheese room and then they had a rotisserie room where it was a rotisserie cooking oven that was in this whole room. That was all it was. It just went on and on. There were all these different weird rooms in the basement.They were all entirely tiled. And it was, I’m like, I could just live in this base. It was fantastic. But anyway, pizza crust room. That’s where you would be. Yeah. I would have made a pizza oven room. Oh, shit. Yeah. If you ever seen the movie, there will be blood. It was look like that bowling alley, but it wasn’t it. So I’m finished. What’s that? He said at the end, I’m finished or something. I’m finished. That’s right. He kills the guy. Ashes his head with the bowling ball. So anyway, so that was kind of exhausting in and of itself because you had to go up these stairs. It’s like, I don’t know, four stories or something. I don’t know what it was. We went all the way up. We looked at all these rooms. It was all quite interesting. We went down to the basement, which was nice because it was really cool. And then we took a break. And my wife’s like…We have to go see this. There’s a bridge on the grounds of the Biltmore. And that is where they filmed a part of Last of the Mohicans, which is a big movie that she loves. With Daniel Day-Lewis and Les Studi and all those guys, right? And so she’s like, I want to go see this bridge. I’m like, yeah, okay. Yeah. Okay. She’s like, from what I, you know, they don’t, they don’t even talk about this being the last of the Biltmore. It’s the Biltmore. They don’t talk about, Hey, this is the last of mohican bridge. It’s not labeled that way or anything. You know what i mean? Yeah. She knows this because she likes the movie research and everything. So, uh, my mother-in-law is with us as well, right? So it’s my daughter and me and my mother-in-law and my wife are all on this tour. And we head out to go see this bridge. Now, it’s by what’s called the bass Pond, which is labeled. And so we start walking. And we go through the gardens, and they’re just amazing, beautiful, you know. And it’s hot, right? It’s been really hot here lately.So it’s like in the upper 80s, 90 degrees or whatever. And we continue to walk. And then the path goes from paved to gravel. It sounds like your story. And then it goes from gravel to dirt. Yeah, that’s it. And we get to the, it wasn’t muddy though. And there wasn’t a bunch of cars. There was nobody. And then we get a little closer and this other couple are walking towards us. And my wife’s like, is the bass pond down there? And we go, yeah, we’re just there. And she’s like, there’s a bridge down there? Yeah. And they go, it’s still a ways to go. And I’m like, well, do you want to go? Oh, yes. We must go. So we get all the way down there to the Bass Pond. And there is a bridge, but it’s not the bridge from the movie. It’s a wooden bridge. And my wife is… We don’t have any cell service.Yeah. And my wife’s getting so mad because this bridge is supposed to be there. And then her foot is hurting like tremendously. Oh. And so then we’re like, I go, well, let’s sit down. Let’s look around. You know what I mean? Everybody’s hot and everything. And so then I go, so my daughter says, I’m going to go walk a little further and maybe I’ll see the bridge, right? Because she’s young. Oh, yeah. She can take it. So she takes off. and walked down, you know, not very much further. She’s like, yeah, there’s this big brick bridge down here over the other side. And so my wife is like, okay, we got to go see this bridge. We walk down where she’s at, and there it is. There’s this bridge from the movie Last of the Mohicans. Oh, thank God. At this point, her foot is like killing her. Mm-hmm.And she’s like, I don’t think I can make it back. We probably walked a mile and a half. Yeah. And everybody’s really hot. And it’s all downhill. Oh, you’re screwed. So as we’re standing there looking at the bridge, a bus goes over it. Yeah. And I’m like, there’s cars on that bridge. she’s like, what? And then we stood there for a while and more cars went across the bridge. And I go, so, you know, maybe I can walk over to the bridge and we can find our way back to the parking lot. And my wife’s like, oh no, you can’t go. What? You’re fat and out of shape. Oh, come on. Let’s send our daughter up to get the car. Right. And I’m like, no. I go, no, I can make it. I’m like, I’m not that tired, and I don’t have a sore foot or anything. And at this point, my mother-in-law starts feeling bad, and she’s older. I won’t say how old, but she’s older. And so then now, those two can’t make it back to the car. And so I go, well, there’s a road. There’s buses going over this bridge. So my daughter and I will go back. We’ll get the car.And we’ll drive down and pick you up. No. But it’s going to take a while, right? No. And then no phone service, right? So she finally agrees to let me go, even though she thinks I’m going to die on the way up the hill. And so my daughter and I start hoofing it. And then I find the shortcut over to the road, like through the road. basically through the woods. Right. Right. And I’m like, well, Hey, we can come over to the road and you guys can sit over here. Oh no, we’re not going to go over there. And so then we left them near the bridge on like some benches in the shade. So then my daughter and I will cut through here. We cut through, we find the road, we’re hoofing it. I mean, this is like, it’s not as steep as Mackinac, but this is pretty steep.Hill. Yeah. Yeah. And so we’re both hoofing it up this hill. And, uh, guess who’s outpacing the youngster. Oh, really? old doddikins Yes. old doddikins Yeah. And so then we get going and i’m like, I don’t know if this is going to take us to the parking lot. because it was kind of a weird spot. And so then we had to walk all the way back up to the house and In the meantime, I’m texting my wife telling her our progress. Yeah. I got service when I got up the hill a bit. And so then it takes a long time. I mean, this, you know, we walked like a mile and something. Oh, yeah. I’m texting. I’m like, oh, we made it to the cafe, which was at the base of the gardens. And then I’m like, okay, we made it to the house, you know.And, uh, so then we finally, uh, my daughter and I finally make it over to the car. I mean, this was a trek and a half and what I would consider record time, but the people who are waiting thought it was way too long. And then they started walking to try to get to the road. And then when they get to the road, we’re at the cafe. And then she’s like, I think they want us to come to the cafe. Yeah. We had agreed to wait by the road. Right, right. I was saying we made it to the cafe. Right. Anyway, thankfully, they did not try to move. But when I finally picked them up, they were really confused, thinking that we wanted them to come all the way back up the hill, which they couldn’t do. What? So then my daughter and I get in the car, and we come out of the parking lot.And the thing. Yeah. We were driving to go find this bridge. Uh-huh. And all the exit signs drive us through the garden, drive us down to the bass pond. Yeah. And we drove. The exit was going right by everything she wanted to see. We didn’t need to walk at all. Oh, you stupid idiots. Oh, my God. Whenever you walk it, you can’t see the road. It’s all, like, woodsy and everything. Right. We pull up and pick them up. And they’re by the road. They’re, like, all super hot. I’m sweating because I junked up this hill, you know. And my daughter’s all sweaty. And they get in the car. And we head out. And I’m like, guess what? We drove… through everything we just saw on our mile. Oh my God. It was hilarious. I’m like, Oh my gosh. So the mile is about a 20 minute walk. Yeah. Well, downhill was not so bad. Uphill was a little bit much. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, yeah, I thought it was funny. I did. We did stop at the cafe and sit on a bench for a little while, which was not, which was not really halfway. It was a little more than halfway, but yeah,But I did outpace my daughter for a little bit of that, especially at the end. Yeah, I was quite proud of myself. I’m like, yeah, I didn’t die. Mud volleyball training paid off. My extensive mud volleyball expertise and conserving of energy really paid off. God, slow down, God. But it was very funny that as we were driving, I’m like, Shit, it’s taking us right through the gardens. You could have drove the whole way. You could have drove to every one of these destinations. And then we actually drove over that fucking bridge from last time over, you guys. Uh… we’re thirsty! We’re really thirsty! Yeah, oh no, we had we prepared, we had a cooler with water and everything, but we didn’t take the water, which was stupid, but we did have it when we got to the car, so it was, like, nice and ice cold, and everybody was happy and yeah I will say, you know, I know it’s an old people thing but yeah Biltmore is some house, man. It’s some house. If you could afford that house, holy moly.Enjoy your Poland Springs. That’s right. Enjoy it. Now that the other quick thing about the house was when we were waiting before we, the funny, you know, the tragedy of it all is while we were waiting to make our trek down to the bass ponds bridge from last, the Mohicans, we were sitting in the courtyard having a drink and a security guard walked by with an AED and, You know, one of those things they charge and stick on your chest to revive you. Ever so calmly through the courtyard. And then, like, two more security people come through. So somebody passed out in one of the areas on the far side of the courtyard. And we should have took that as a sign to not go on this trek. But instead, no, we had to go. It’s under a tent in the shade, just so you know. Yeah.But the funny thing was he walked through like he was just carrying a briefcase, but my wife, or I think my daughter, somebody was like, has that guy got an AED? You know, they stick them on the walls everywhere. And so apparently one of the old folks, because there’s a lot of old folks on this tour, must have killed or was, you know, having some issues. But he did not run. He just calmly strolled through the courtyard. And he fell into the frog pond. Yeah, that’s right. But, you know, chance. Go to Asheville, North Carolina and see the Biltmore. It’s quite something, I tell you. Yeah. More vacation stories to come. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/07/08/traveling-guys/” title=”Traveling Guys” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/07/08/traveling-guys/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-
