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Static RadioAuthor: Bob LeMent
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Ageism
Episode 35
Tuesday, 25 August, 2026
Miles gets a back rub for his sore arm at the chiropractor’s while Bob can’t believe how old everyone looks. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/6IeXljXyIu4 Bob gets his stupidity outed on speakerphone while Miles singing gets him in more trouble than he expected. Ageism Bad AI Transcript Nobody knows where things are going to happen. You’ll never find a love quite like mine. Hey everyone, this is Miles. Let’s start a game. No truer words have ever been sung. Oh, my Lord. You’re going to miss my love. Yeah. You’re going to miss? You’re going to miss? Maybe not miss, but you’ll never find. It’s definitely your song. You’ll never find. It’s like it was made for you. It’s like you’re my way, if you were singing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So are you walking around singing any more songs in the house? Yeah. I’m going to sing all I want. I’m going to sing all I want. I’m going to sing my last week. I thought maybe you’d cut it out. No, we got over it. Oh, good. Oh, good. That’s so good to hear. Yeah. It’s tough when you guys are in turmoil over there in the title household. Yeah, I know. I don’t like to fight over rock and roll. Tough on us. Innocence here, you know, I mean, let’s have a,fight about, you know, infidelity or finances or something else, but not Rolling Stones, okay? Please don’t. Please don’t fight with Rolling Stones. That’s what I say. I think your infidelity fight would be a bit one-sided. Yeah. Unless you included self-love. Um… Are you referring to gooning? Well, I think you mentioned that we were going to talk about this. Gooning, yeah. No, I’m not going to talk about gooning. Oh, okay. You know, there’s a cartoon character, the goon. Yeah. In Popeye. Popeye cartoon. And? In the Jeep, yeah. And in college, there was this gentleman who had like some physical things going on, I guess. And my friends of Chicago, which i will not name, but they would yell out the window, hey, goon. Was this in chicago or was this uh this would be at a certain college, not Carbondale, though. Oh, okay, gotcha, I gotcha.And DeKalb, Illinois. Yeah, northern. Like northern Illinois area. Illinois, yeah. This poor guy. DeKalb went there, you know, so. Yeah. Can’t be all bad, I suppose. I guess. I don’t know. He was never in any of my classes. I don’t know. Yeah. I’m sure you would have written it down had she been in your little notebook. Make up your mind. Miles was telling me about his masturbation notebook today before we started the show. You know, all I did before the show was I mentioned, I know Bob had worked some places and done some stuff, and I just had asked him a few questions. He got very uncomfortable about it. And so, because now I’m not allowed to mention that either to people. Oh, no, come on. I’m just like, out of the blue, you asked me these questions. I’m like…Do you sit around all day thinking of these things? Is this what you do with your time? It’s like, really? All day long, I sit around. Things come to mind. God forbid you learn how to use artificial intelligence. I don’t need it. The kind of weird crap you’d be pulling out of there. I just drive around and think of funny stuff. Okay. Gosh. I don’t know. I’m trying to think if i got a story tonight. Do you have a story? Yeah. Oh, well then let’s go with your story. Let’s talk about who’s in those, uh, in your mola skinny with your rubber bands around it. You know, and there’s a, you know, Indiana Jones and, uh, the third one, which i’m blanking on the name of now, uh,The book of the Holy Grail that Indiana Jones’ father has, you have something like that, I think. Oh, I see. I see. The Last Crusade? Yeah, The Last Crusade, that was it. I’m blanking out the name. Well, I didn’t want to say anything that had anything to do with the Lord in reference to what you’re talking about. Yeah. What’s your story, son? Let’s hear it. You know, and I don’t, you know, I don’t really like these cartoons you’re making of me. What? Because they hit too close. Everybody loves them. No, this one is hitting way too close to home. There was one about me having a bad back. Oh, that was a good one. And that hit way too, because I have had some back issues. Yeah. And I actually injured my arm also the night of my birthday, the day I almost died.Right, yeah. I was playing air hockey and I injured myself, but I didn’t really… I know. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t hurt you. I injured myself, seriously. I fucked up my arm playing air hockey that night. I’m like, this guy’s decrepit. It’s like going to the Crypt Keeper’s birthday, for Christ’s sake. I know. And… As time went on, I was just having more increasingly painful arm pain. Which arm is this? Is this your… This is Monique. Right or left? Right. Really? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. And just, you know, turn it around your left, but turn it a certain way. You’ll be like, oh, yeah, but… How about your hand? How’s your grip? My grip is great. Okay. Just checking. But anywho, so, you know, I said to my doctor, like, can I just get, you know, looked at? He’s like, well, I don’t know. What am I? Am I here to serve you? What am I? It’s to pull the muscle or you’re having a heart attack. I’m not sure. He’s like, with everything you’ve got going on, this is the least you’re aware of. You should just forget about this. Let’s concentrate on the big things. Yeah, you’re fine. Don’t worry about it. I’m like, okay. Yeah.You’ve got insurance. Don’t worry about it. You’re fine. Come back next week. And so I said, screw it. There’s this new multiplex chiropractor thing not too far away. Oh, my God. You with the chiropractors. Oh, my good Lord. And it’s got a big staff. I’m like, oh, wow. It’s like a big place. Chiropractors are us. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. And so they’re like, oh, we can get you in right away. We can wrench your arm for you. You don’t have to do it yourself anymore. We’ll do it for you. We’ll do it for you, bud. Come on. And so I get in there, you know. Do you do any x-rays? No, no. And the receptionist is like, very nice. Hi, I’m Julie. And fill out these papers. What’s your problem today, Mr. Title? I bet. Another one of those people. So, yeah, I fill it out. Get done. And so I meet the guy. I got this guy. Hey, Miles, I’m Steve. Come on in.Dr. Crackers. He looked like a wrestler or something. Like a high school wrestler. Dr. Crackers. He had no neck. What is this guy? No neck to all arms. I’ll be your chiropractor today. He goes, all right, come on. Is he like Macho Man? Oh, yeah. We’re going to crack some back. He goes, I’m going to use AI to record you. What? I’m not going to make any notes. I’m going to use AI. Subject seems to be 75% to 85% flab. No muscle tone. I’m talking to this guy. Degenerative bone disease. No cartilage. I’m thinking I think me and this guy are probably about the same age, but he’s definitely older than me. Looking at like the giant bags under his eyes and stuff. I go, he’s definitely like older than you even, you know, he’s got giant bags under his eyes. Yeah. Like he’s packed his bags ready to go. Right. So anyway, why have bags under my, I don’t think so. No, you don’t. You’re you’ve been blessed. Thank you. With, uh, sexy hair and no bags under your eyes. Oh, well that’s, I am such a, you’ve got sexy hair, like Leanne.Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, anyway, he tells me his age. No, this guy is like almost like four years younger than me. I’m like, oh, wow. Oh, the chiropractor though yeah this wrestler it’s a rusty character he looks like he could have been like maybe at one time, you know, I’m just saying. Yeah. Well, you’re like, like a regular high school type wrestler, not like a professional wrestler. Maybe. I don’t know. He said he was like a traffic field or something i traveled you know? Okay. Now this is where it gets juicy. So I was like, well, lay down. We’re going to, you know, look at stuff or do stuff like that. Okay. All right. Why do you, how can I, why do you like all these people touching you? Is this a thing? Oh, you would have lost your shit, man. Okay. At first, you know, I’m getting kind of the pat on the arm. Like, Hey bud, listen, I’m going to get you going again. Yeah. Hey buddy, you’re going to get going. Now the rubbing starts, you know, buddy. Okay. You’re going to get going. Okay. And let me,Hey, let’s look at that back, okay? Oh, yeah, you’re tight. Let me rub that. Let me rub it. I’m getting like a rubdown now. I’m like, is this like a service? I’m like, is this extra? Did I go in the wrong place or something? I mean… Is this across the hidden hallway that… Yeah. I wish I would have had this much action in high school. Where’s the AI come into this situation? This guy is like an OnlyFans going on or something. I don’t know what it was like. Hey, you want some pictures of my feet? Yeah, you like that? You like it, Miles? Well, I guess. You like girls? Yeah. This guy’s giving you a rub down. He’s fine. He’s He’s combing your hairy back. Yeah, I don’t think he’s realizing how much he’s doing this. He’s patting my arm, patting my back. If he touches my V-hole or something, I’m out of here. I’m out of here. I’m the hell out of here. I don’t think in chiropractic school, I don’t think there’s a V-hole. There you go.it might’ve been Larry Nassar, you know, I don’t know. Today students, you graduated to the B hole. I was just, I, you know, I, I am, I, okay. Self-admitted. I am a little homophobic. Okay. I’m just going to say it right now. I’m a little bit, I’m a little bit, I know. I know it’s not contagious. Okay. Just, no, I don’t know. I just, I said, okay, well, If Bob Lament was here, he would not return. I know it. Number one, I wouldn’t be there. You’re a man. I wouldn’t be at the chiropractor. You’re a man. I know you’re a man. I’ve seen you. You’re a man. I don’t know what this means. You would not let another man touch you like this. You’d be like, no, I’m out. You’d fake something like, I left my car running. I have to go. I don’t go to chiropractors. I’m notA big fan, I’ll put it that way. You know, well, okay, so that’s the first trip, right? Oh, you went more than once. Did you get like a punch card? Yeah, he goes, I want to see you in about three days. Three days? And he goes, where’s something cute? I’m like, what? He goes, here’s a script. Yeah. No, so I come back. I’m like, well, I guess I’ll go back. You go back in three… I’m glad people don’t know where you live because they’d be taking full advantage of you all the time. I know. They know my weakness. I guess if you want to rub the back of my legs next time. I don’t really swing that way, but man, a rub down is a rub down. It’s better when the cat rubs on my head. No peanut butter involved. The second time now, it’s like, lift up your sleeve. I’m going to put some lotion on you.I’m like, hmm? A special lotion. It’s Hempvana. There’s THC in it. Here, drink this. Make you feel good, yeah. Here, eat a couple of these mushrooms. You might black out when you drink this, but go ahead, Jake. Yeah, don’t worry about it, son. I call it the cause. Just take it, man. This is the most comfortable table they have in the whole building. Don’t worry, take off your shoes, Miles. What? So he rubs lotion on your arm. Like Mr. Miyagi, yeah. Is there going to be something on the news about this? i’m sure it’s all legitimate. I’m sure and then he gets my lower back goes hey you know what i gotta do your lower back. You know that i’m like everything about like trellis’s son? He goes, come here. Come on. Roll over, big boy. Come on. You can do it now what what’s all this got to do with your arm? uh It is feeling better i will i will give him that. I mean, uhSay what you will, but the man is the best. Just like roll you over and start rubbing your back. And he’s like telling you, you’re a good boy. You’re good. Like a dog. He starts rubbing my belly. My legs start kicking like a dog. He’s giving you all this pep talk. I know you can do it. You’ve always been able to do it. I know it’s been rough and you’re feeling down. Miles, I’m sure you’re going to be dead in five years, but besides that, you’re doing great. Besides, yeah. Can you show me that list of prescriptions you’re taking again? Don’t worry about that. Throw that all away. Once I get done pushing on this knot in your back, you’re going to be feeling fit as a fiddle, son. Yeah.So, uh, yeah. You ever thought about, uh, joining any clubs? Yeah. I feel like I’m in one right now. So, uh, are you going back in three days? Uh, yeah, I’m going back tomorrow. Oh my God. We’ll see how it goes. Have they done anything for your arm? Yeah, no, he has. Other than the lotion. Yeah. He’s padded it and rubbed it down. So has he diagnosed anything and said, oh, it’s a muscle thing? Yeah, no, he’s diagnosed it, yeah. Well, what’s the diagnosis? Extreme gooning. Oh, God, I forgot part of the story. Shit. What? When I came in the second time, he was like there waiting for me. I walked in. He’s like right at the door. Oh, my favorite client. How are you looking today, son? He’s like lurch. And so I start heading that way. He goes, don’t you have? I think you look slimmer. This is helping.No, no, no. Come on. You can only bullshit people so much. No, come on. The cream I put on you was a little bit of… I guess I’m a little cute. Um, no, it’s GLP one. It’s an ointment on your arm. That arm is definitely not as fat as it was last time you were here three days ago. This isn’t exactly legal in this state. So let’s keep this on the down low. Don’t tell on me. So I hear a little secret. Yeah. So I go like, I’m walking back down the hallway. He’s like, wait a minute. I stopped my tracks. He goes, don’t you have something to say to Julie here? Uh, yeah three days i’m like uh good morning? He’s like, oh, good morning. He goes, okay, we can go. I’m like, what the fuck was this about? What? I have no idea what that was about. I’m like, it was so weird. The whole thing was so weird. I’m like,Are you sure this isn’t like some kind of charm school that you’ve accidentally got into that has messages? I don’t know. I have no idea what I’ve gotten myself into at this point. Well, it’s a little cultish here all of a sudden. I could see Bob Lament going for half a visit, and that would be the end of it. I would just never even show up. Yeah, you’re a man. You couldn’t even give me a gift certificate, and I wouldn’t even use it. Listen, happy ending guaranteed. Yeah, you’ll be happy, all right. You’re just not sure who’s going to do it. So the arm’s better, though, you’re saying? It is getting better, yes. And how’s your self-esteem? Self-esteem doing good? It is, yeah, it is. Okay. How many more visits have you got lined up already? 50. Yeah, I would… No, I’m just kidding. This guy’s like, this…This dude’s like half my salary this month. Can I call you brown eyes? Oh, my God. Yes, if you want, but I don’t know. I hope in the interim you don’t die because you go to these clacks. You ever hear a candling? Come here. Oh, God, yeah, the candling. We’re going to candle. Interestingly enough, you’re telling your story reminds me of something. I went to the actual doctor mm-hmm because they they called this is their scam. They called me up and they’re like, Hey, you gotta get your blood work done. Or what? No, like every once a year, once every once in a while, you get blood work to make sure that you’re, you know, all your stuff’s you’re doing well. Yeah. And I’m like, I’m like, Well, I’ve been trying.I have avoided the doctor most of my life. Oh, I should say most of my adult life. When I was young, I was a sick kid. I was at the doctor a lot. And I was in the hospital quite a bit when I was really young. So since then, I don’t want anything to do with any of these people. Now that I’m getting a little bit older, I’m like, okay, maybe I better kind of pay attention, you know. I’ve got to be like Miles and man it up and get in here. Well, no, I think it more has to do with my wife, to be honest with you. Yeah. So I’m like, okay. And so then what you have to do is you have to go in. You got to see… I think I saw the nurse practitioner because the doctor’s too busy for me. So you get your blood drawn and then they do a whole thing, right? So I get there. I like…I like to be I’m like, they’re like, when can you make you know, when do you want to make your appointment? I’m like, what time do you open? And then they’ll tell me, like, 8 o’clock. You got 8 o’clock? That’s when I’m coming. No. No, they always do. They always put me on at 8 o’clock. Because I’m first one there, right? Going to get this shit done, basically, and get through it. So the weird thing is I get there, and then there’s all these other people there. 8 o’clockers. 8 o’clockers, right. And so, and they haven’t actually even opened yet. They opened the front door to let you into the waiting area, but they haven’t opened up the, uh, you know, the cash drawer where they have the little thing that slide week. We open up at eight weeks. Yeah. So I’m waiting and, and then the lady, you know, uh, opens up the, uh, you know, where you check in and everything. So another guy go up to the window.At the same time, because there’s, you know, there’s just a few of us, two windows, no waiting. And so I’m talking to my person and he’s talking to his person, you know, we both have appointments at eight o’clock and everything. And, you know, they always double check with your birthday. Birthday, sir. Yeah. What’s your birthday, right? So you tell him your birthday and I tell him my birthday. And then the other guy tells his birthday. and I, I mean, I don’t hope you didn’t notice, but i did like the biggest head swivel. Because this guy was younger than me. Yeah. And he looked a lot older than me. Yeah. I could not believe it. I was like holy effin moly. I can’t believe. It’s like i’m standing next to one of my dad’s, you know, friends or something. Yeah. And then he’s like two years younger than me. Some people don’t age well. And I was, he’s like, well, young ladyYou know, and I was just like, holy, what the hell, right? And then I thought, you know, of course I have to worry about everything. I’m like, this is a bad omen for my blood work because this guy probably is going to skip out of here with all aces and I’m going to, you know, get the call, you know what I mean? We got your blood work back. It’s an AI doctor. Yeah, so it’s the AI doctor. So that was the first thing. I was just like, oh, my gosh. This was really shocking to me. I thought you were going to say you guys had the exact same birth date or something. Oh, no, no. What? My brother. I just could not believe it. And I was like, oh, my. I hope I didn’t verbally say, my God, you look so old. Oh, my fucking God.I go back and I see the nurse practitioner and she’s super nice, you know, and do blood pressure and all that kind of stuff. And, uh, you know, any, anything wrong with you? Are you feeling anything? No, nothing. No, no, nothing. Right. And so, you know, and so then we get the blood done and everything. And I never do this, right? This is, I mean, this is probably only the, maybe the third time in 10 years that I’ve actually maybe even less than that done blood work. Wow. And it’s only, and I did two of them in the last two years. So we’ll talk about that for a second. Yeah. And so give my blood and everything, you know, I, time goes by, I get, uh,an email, I think it was, Hey, your blood work’s done or whatever. And, uh, I’m like, okay, I’m going to go look at it. Right. Right. Everything’s normal. Everything. I was like, I couldn’t believe it. I’m like, you know, Miles’s blood work looks like the Rocky fucking mountains. Yeah, I do have a lot of highs and lows of mine yeah it’s that no that’s not even that’s not even a joke. That is true, yeah. Here, I got this right down the middle. You know what i mean perfect i couldn’t believe it. I could not believe it. I’m like, I was expecting something to be awry, and uh i couldn’t believe i was so happy i call i i texted my wife. I’m like, hey, I got my blood results. oh And I’m like, everything looks good, you know?And so then, yeah, she’s like, oh, that’s fantastic. You know, she’s very nice to me. That’s fantastic. But, yeah, I couldn’t believe it. But I thought I was so doom and gloom going into this. And then I saw this guy. Ask him why you’re more of an innie than an outie. All right. Hold on. Not on the charts here, honey. But no, I was very happy to, the only thing that was probably a little bit, it was still the normal, a little bit on the cholesterol, a little bit higher. Really? Higher on the normal side, but not high, right? I’m still in the normal range. That’s all that lettuce. All the lettuce, that’s right. Yeah. Yeah. I was pleasantly surprised, but I couldn’t believe this guy was so old. I was like, God, this guy must smoke like three packs a day or something. There’s got to be something going on there. And then you’re like, hey, listen, I know you’re not supposed to do it, but can you please show me his chart? That’s right. Can I see his blood work? I know it’s not really cool, but, you know. I know there’s HIPAA and all that, but you can just put your hand over his name. It doesn’t matter. Mm-hmm.Oh, sure. No problem. Hipper schmipper. Here we go. Anyway, they reminded me of that. I’m like, I’m not going to go to the chiropractor. I don’t know what you get some wonky idea about going to the chiropractor. I’ve had very good luck with the chiropractor. I don’t know how to lay the chiropractor. They find nothing new wrong with me. That’s why I like them so much. Yeah. So we do have a guest here. I don’t know if they’re paying attention. That’s my cousin, Michelle. Oh, okay. I told her to show up. But, Michelle, do you have a story you want to share? This is like a circle here. It’s like Alcoholics Anonymous. Any doctor story? Embarrassing doctor story? Tell us how you went to the doctor and everybody’s old.If you’re trying to talk, we can’t hear you, Michelle. I’m sorry. I think you’re unmuted, but I can’t tell if you’re talking. Michelle, my girl. All right, well, that pretty much ended that. I’m sure she’ll be dropping off any moment now. Well, Michelle, we’re glad you’re here tonight, and I’m sure you’re thrilled with the stories this week, so… We’ll call it a show, shall we? Oh, she said thank you. Thank you. You can put anything in the chat. Wait, maybe it’s a French guy. In France, everybody gets rubbed down. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/08/24/agism/” title=”Agism” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/08/24/agism/”
