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Static RadioAuthor: Bob LeMent
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Death Watch
Episode 8
Tuesday, 24 February, 2026
Bob finds out that even more of his high school classmates have died, while Miles is still on the mend. In other hopeful news, the Old Man stops by. Subscribe Random show from the last 25+ years Random Post https://youtube.com/live/UcksmQ91k3M Bob finds out that even more of his high school classmates have died, while Miles is still on the mend. In other hopeful news, the Old Man stops by. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/02/24/death-watch//” title=”Death Watch” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/02/24/death-watch/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————- You can keep singing, Miles. Go ahead and sing. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Bob wax it to Jessica Pandy. Hey everyone, this is Miles. Hey Miles. Hey Jim. Jim from the doors. Wink. Yeah, I don’t buy it. Yeah, I think that is him. I don’t even know what I’m doing. Look, look, there’s my little pit. There I am right there. Oh. Is that right there? It’s hard to see your name’s cover now. Is that Hulk Hogan? No, that’s my logo for my podcast, The Old Man’s Podcast. Oh, okay. Oh, I see it now. Okay. I don’t see it. I don’t see it. I can’t see it. Well, you got cartoon eyes, Bob. That’s true. I’m looking through cartoons. You got cartoon eyes.How do I make my screen small to join? I mean, like we were, we had the three screens up there. If you go to the bottom and click on the little four squares, you go… There you go. There you go. Welcome, everybody. Miles is still alive. We’re on Death Watch. Yeah, I’m back. Miles is on Death Watch, so thankfully he’s not dead. The devil tried to get me, but… Actually, I was just going to log in and listen, listen to you guys. And then I started clicking buttons. And before I know it, bing, bang, boom, here I am. There he is. Yeah. I’m here. I’m not listening to the show. I am in the show. You’re in the show. That’s what happens. Dan Haggerty. I was going to say Uncle Jesse. Uncle Jesse. Yeah. This is a good old boy.Never meaning no harm. All you ever saw in the trouble with the law since the day they was born. Yeah. Miles is wearing his Daisy Dukes in memory. How Kamala can see in Miles is just that profile pic. That’s why he looks like a dumb guy. Yeah. Oh, so I get it. So you guys are incognito. Nobody knows what you guys really look like. And everybody look at me and go, oh, they’re going to. Yeah. Well, you look like 100 other people at Christmastime. What do you mean? I’ve had death threats. So I just kind of use that picture at this point. I’m going to be honest with this. Not even his own picture. Yeah. No, it’s true. He has in the past. He did have death threats. Oh, yeah.We’re not talking about a lot of stuff. You can go read them if you want. Your comedy is that bad? Yeah. Well, maybe misdirected. I stepped on some sacred ground, so to speak. Yeah, people are too touchy. I don’t know, man. I don’t know when people want to drown me in a lake and stuff like that. This was decades ago even. Yeah. Well, actually, we started our careers being threatened. Yeah, that’s true. In college, we were on the radio in college. If you play that song again, I’m going to come up there and kill you. No kidding. Amazing. I guess maybe I’ve had death threats. I don’t know. But I think if I had, I’ve just laughed at him. Yeah, sure. Whatever. I’m an old man.Now? Now you’re gonna speed up the process? Yeah, this is what 30 some years ago i was a young man. I didn’t want to die. I still don’t come on. Man, man. I wrestle with the grim reaper every day. You look like richard dreyfus a little bit. Oh, my goodness. It’s Mr. Holland’s opus. Yeah. Really? Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Did he have a beard in that movie? I don’t think he did in that one, but he’s got one now, I think. Yeah. Hoopa. Drive the boat. Hoopa. So the old man’s with us. We got Miles, who’s still alive and kicking. Yeah. Good job. I was going to tell a story about, you know, Miles had a, we’ll say a near-death experience. Why not?Okay. Right. Yeah. And he’s still recovering from it. And then he commented last week about how all these people I’ve known, not just him, but I’ve known have passed away. And so this last weekend, I was helping a friend of mine do some stuff. And we went to school together, high school. And I got like about 10 more people on the list, Miles. What? Yeah, he’s like, oh, yeah. So he’s like, hey, did you know this David guy, he died from cancer? I’m like, what? When did this happen? Oh, my God. I spent like six hours learning about all these people who have died slowly over an afternoon. What about that girl you screwed in the rock quarry? Is she still alive? She’s still alive, yes. What about the girl that held your penis at Burger King? Is she still alive?Still alive. Still alive. Mostly men have died. Mostly guys. Yeah, I couldn’t believe it. I was just like, what? It was like non-stop. We’d talk about something and they’d be like, yeah, oh yeah, so-and-so died. I’m like, what? Where was I? Where have I been? I got a story for you. What’s up? A guy I went to school, a friend of mine in high school, when we graduated. Did he die? No. He joined the Tucson Police Department. And he had been there for a couple of years. And I went down and I hooked up with him. And I started asking him about all the people we went to school with. And he goes, oh, yeah, we get these perp books to look at, you know, people with mugshots. He goes, yeah, I see people in there all the time. I go, really? He goes, yeah. I flip through the book and I go, oh, he’s dead.Oh, yeah, he died. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he’s in jail. It’s like an after-school yearbook. It’s like the never-ending after-school special. I’m only a perp. You’re the angel dust. You know, well, I’m at that age, Bob, where every, you know, people I know, everybody’s dying around me. I mean, it’s like, you know, it’s like my neighbor, Bob, he’s a couple of years older than me. He’s the guy I used to go golfing with. And he’d say, he’d come over, he’d go, hey, hey, old man, you know, we’re next. I go, what are you talking about? He goes, everybody’s dying. You and I, we’re left. We’re the only ones left. We’re next. I’m going, hey, get away from me, morbid. death angel it’s a death angel. I mean, it’s one thing, I mean, you expect that you’re you know, your folks, your parents, and whatnot yeah aunts and uncles, all that is expected because of the progression of time, but yeah, your your compadres right your peers you’re not ready, I’m not ready for that. This is terrible. I’m never ready for someone to tell me somebody died. Like, I had aa person I went to school with contacted me and said, oh, my mother passed away. And I’m going, oh. And I’m starting to think, well, I’m getting, you know, well, that’s kind of sad. She goes, yeah, she was 96. And I go, yeah, 96, yeah. Yeah, well. Yeah, it should be expected. Yeah, that’s like. I mean, how are you supposed to, and right then I realized, I don’t know, how am I supposed to feel when it’s like, you know, 96, 98, 100? Well, all right, well. Hey, good! Yay! About time. You feel like about time or it’s like, well, congratulations. What? You mean this was a decade ago? Didn’t I send you a card already? That must be some kind of record. Yeah. But the kind of the side effect of all this is then, of course, you have to tell stories about, oh, I remember them. You know, I’m like, oh, yeah, David, he was a dick. That guy was the worst. I want someone. I wantI want someone to be like that for me. I want someone to tell weird stories. Well, the other thing was, so David’s wife, I went to school with him. Him and his wife, they met in high school. They were dating. And his wife kept trying to flash her pussy in class all the time. That was the other memory. I’m like, well, David’s wife, Angie, she used to always like spread it. spread her legs and flip her skirt up in class, science class. She’d be like, did you see it? You’re like, what? I’m such an idiot. I’m sitting there. I’m like, what is going on? We were sitting in science class and I was like, I don’t know, maybe two people away or whatever. She keeps doing this. Everybody’s like, ah! I’m like, what? What is going on?I’m like, they got married? I didn’t even know that. Well, she kept sending him invitations. Oh. It was like Morse code. Yeah. It worked. That is strange. How come I never had any strange people like that? No. Well, yeah, she kept asking, you know. It was like, it was really weird. I was just, you just have to, you know, it’s like, this is not normal. Somebody asked me about someone that I knew a while ago, and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, I know. And I went into this big story about him, and I’m telling this story. And then halfway through the story, it dawns on me that it’s a scene out of a movie I saw. It wasn’t a story about him. I mean, how do you get out of that? How do you get out of that afterwards? Yeah, he fell in love with Winona Ryder. Yeah.I didn’t even realize I went to school with Winona until I tell this story. Who knows? Yeah, I was in the back of a car. I don’t remember. But all these things kind of come out whenever you get around people that you hadn’t, you know, haven’t had a long period of time where you’re kind of sitting around shooting the, you know, the shit. And it’s like, oh, yeah, look, this comes, you know, this happens and that happens, you this person’s dead now. And, you know, then they, you know, it just all kind of intertwines into this weird situation. But yeah, I was, uh, I’m trying to think that was probably one of the weirder stories that came out of our conversation was, uh, Angie showing herself in science class. That sounds like the makings of a Hallmark movie. Certainly an eighties comedy. Yeah. Yeah.this is bunsen burner and sheer panties haven’t come in science class you bonded me with science! Yeah. So, yeah, but it was just, uh, it was way oh that and that, and then there, uh, he, I don’t ever do this, so i’m not a person that, uh, reads, I don’t look I don’t read obituaries or look for obituaries or anything like that. That’s why I’m always stunned. Cause people tell me when people die, cause I don’t ever, I’m not on the watch. You know what I mean? And, um, so he’s telling me these people die, like, and then, then they died and they didn’t even mention their brother. And I’m like, well, their brother was like a big time drug dealer and got in trouble and went to jail. It’s like, Oh, is that why? I go, yeah, maybe.He’s doing time upstate. He’s doing time upstate. Yeah, it was a whole thing. I was like, oh. So it was all these kind of weird little revelations that were nothing that really shook our lives necessarily, but certainly I’m sure shook other people’s lives. And we’re just kind of flinging them back and forth. Something that you would never expect to happen in your youth that all of a sudden you’re Like, oh, yeah. Oh, interesting. I was figuring Miles probably has some of these, too, I’m sure. Well, Miles just had an anniversary. You just wrote about it, Miles. You want to talk about your anniversary? My anniversary of my black penis? Is that what you’re talking about? Your last near-death experience. Yeah, that was my first, probably. Yeah.No, I was almost killed 40 years ago here last week in a very serious car accident when I was in high school. And I was quite bruised in the groin area. Bob loves this story. I was so bruised that actually my unit actually looked black. Black. Like blood sausage. That was a real lady pleaser right there. I think my mom took a peek just to make sure I was okay. She’s like, you better remember this moment. You’ll never be as big as this again. That’s right. Best week of my life right there. That was a long time ago, 40 years ago. Wow. There’s been 40 years yeah years since you, uh, last killed yourself. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. That was the first time i had the crosshairs on me, but not the last wow weird yeah crazy crazy stuff crazy stuff is sure. Good times. I didn’t realize it was, uh, that close to, uh,This time of year. I thought it would have been in the summertime or something. No, it was about a week after my birthday. Because you flipped over in a Jeep. I did not flip over. We slid sideways into a tree. Yes. Yes. Unless you didn’t get branched. Oh. Wah, wah. Yeah, that’s a whole Feinfeld episode, I guess. Hold on. Wait a minute. So how do we know, Miles, that you really didn’t die then? This could be purgatory. And me and Bob are dead. We died. And this is all purgatory right now. And we don’t know it. What are you saying there? That’s weird. There’s a lot of people that probably agree with you there. You’re freaking me out now. Yeah, really. You do look like the devil now. Oh my goodness. Well, you never know. Well, the curse is being Bob’s friend is the curse. I know that. That’s my pun. How am I cursing you? It’s like a Japanese life debt. You know, it’s like, Oh, okay. Hey, be on my podcast. You know, it was like 40 years ago. I don’t know. We’ll do it one time. Like, all right. All right. Next thing you know, it’s like,28 years later or whatever. Still doing it. Here you go. I know. I thought, okay, one time, once and done. I think that you should be grateful. What else would you be doing with your life? You certainly wouldn’t be doing anything fun, that’s for sure. I don’t know. I don’t know. Well, I would be… It hasn’t really gotten me anywhere. I mean, it got the most obnoxious host to put podcast host award, I guess. I did win that, so everyone can suck on it. I did win that award, yes. I guess you say that. I guess you do say that. That was early days, too. We used to do some crazy stuff when we started, but we’ve kind of mellowed out. There you go. Yeah.You guys don’t know, but I’m flashing myself under the desk here. We figured. He’s called himself Angie. That’s what she is. Talking about that girl flashing. I wonder if I can do that too. The other thing my friend kept doing was like, wow. He mentioned somebody who was young. We knew when we were young. She’s still good looking. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was like talking to you, Miles. I’m like, what the hell? What is this? What’s up with this guy? Wait, what? I’m good looking. No, no, you would do something you would always do. You’d be like, oh, yeah, she’s. I was like, what is, you know, what is the fascination here? I don’t understand. You know, some age pretty good and some don’t. That’s just constant. Oh, yeah.Like the classmate who refuses to believe that we went to college together did not age well, for instance. Who’s that? I’m going to mention her name. I’m not going to mention her name. You and I went to college together? Yes. I would say this girl’s name when she walked past us. Oh, she doesn’t remember? No, I went to like a class reunion like several years after that. And she’s like, oh, did you go to the same college as me? Yeah, we saw her a long time ago. Remember, I used to say your name all the time. I mean, come on, you were there. You saw me do it. I know, I would say it too. She had no recollection. No, no recollection that we had gone. Here she comes, Monica Lewinsky. How are you? There she is. Can you imagine her going to that first high school reunion after all that?Hey, look, Monica. Hey, Monica. What’s going on? I got cigars. We’re going out for cigars later. Actually, I did stand by the ladies’ restroom just so I could talk to a girl that was in art class. God damn it. I’m going to talk to her. She’s still good looking. She was. That is Mel’s title procedure to hang out by the women’s restroom that two of your buddies are coming in. Sooner or later, they’re going to have to go. That’s right. It’s a perfect tip. As he gets older, the odds increase. She’s still a beautiful woman. I drink her bath water, man. She is good looking. Wow. Goodness gracious. You guys are wild. Then I found out another guy, his family was Amish. I didn’t even know it. We went to school together. Yoder?It was a yoder. No, it was this other kid we went to school with. Yeah, you know, his dad was Amish, and then he, like, broke off from the religion, the rumspringer or something, and had a whole family. I’m like, what are you talking about? This makes no sense. Are you talking about Black Buggy Dan? Yeah, man. Black Buggy Dan. I didn’t know that. Yeah. I was just like, no, because I just remember he – Anyway, he dated this one girl. They would always get caught, you know. Yeah. Out and about, fooling around. And I’m like, really? His dad was Amish. Go figure. He’d splash her b-hole. I think cool girls are crazy. No, she’d show her knees. That was it. She was Amish. Flash a little ankle. Rude.Yeah, but I mean, you know, I just don’t, we don’t, I talk to him regularly, but we don’t hang out for extended periods of time. When you hang out like that, we were working on stuff and, you know, you just kind of chat and all this weird stuff comes out. So, yeah. I wish I would have went to your high school. Damn it. Oh, well. Awesome. Oh, there’s a… I mean, it just goes on and on. I know. You told me about the theft ring and everything. Yeah, a lot of stealing. Car surfing. Balling chicks in the quarry. I mean, my God. It was all happening. You guys make me feel like I went to a… Catholic school? Catholic school, yeah. A little bit worse, actually. All the Catholic schools where I grew up, they’re worse. They’re way worse. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Oh, my God. Just like the Mormon girls, you know. Yeah. They were wild. Mormon girls, they were something else. Did you try soaking? Huh? Did you try soaking, Jim? Did I try soaking? Soaking. Yeah. Well, you can Google it later, Jim. Don’t Google it. That’s where, okay, you put your stuff into her, but you can’t move, but your buddies show up. Okay, I did. They jump on the bed and do the motion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s soaking. I think you’ve turned it into something else, Miles. I don’t think the jumping on the bed necessarily has to happen. Yes, it does. No, I don’t think it does. For real. For real. You go on a lot of podcasts, find some Mormons and bring them in here. I thought it was supposed to be no motion. No motion. Yeah, the soaking part is where you can’t have the motion. Yeah.No, come on. I mean, maybe somebody. Everybody show up as a goof and they do it. Come on. Come on, man. Come on. I thought that, you know, you get there and then the motion was the guys in the room watching. They start bouncing on the bed. Yeah, right. That’s what I’m saying. But that’s not. I don’t think you have to have that part. Yeah, it is. Yeah. What’s the point of it then? What’s the point? What’s the point? What’s the point? You guys make me feel like I’m a virgin. I wouldn’t do it. I’m all embarrassed. You wouldn’t do it. Watch my buddy get a nut, man. What the fuck? I don’t want to see that. I want to see you and some chick in a Burger King bathroom. Me bouncing on the door. Oh my goodness.Burger King. Yeah. Home of the Whopper. Hey, you want some ketchup for your fries? Goodness gracious. The great part is this lady was hosting a child’s birthday party during the break. Come on. Come on. No, come on. You’ve told this story many times. Come on. Don’t even… That wasn’t the point of my story. It was not this one. I was talking about other people. Tell it like it’s somebody else, Bob. Yeah, that’s all right. I don’t know. It’s just weird how I’m surrounded by death these days. Two weekends in a row now I’m surrounded by Everybody talking about death. Well, I’m telling you, Bob, the older you get, the more death is sitting there right with you. You’re going to get to the point where, like I said, you’re going to walk outside and Grim Reaper is going to be going, hey, Bob, what’s up? Wait, let me check something. You’re looking for miles. Let me check something here, Bob. Oh, no, not yet. You’re looking for miles. I knew it. I’ll go away before Bob, believe me. Yeah. I’ll go away before there’s so much.Yeah, but that’s how we were when we were kids. We never figured we’d be this old. I never figured I’d be 72 years old. Good Lord. I was thinking about this the other day. Yeah, I was thinking, I never thought I’d be 72 years old. Oh, my God. There was a time in my life where actually I got up. One day I got up. I was going to get ready for work. I went in there and I was rinsing my face off. And I looked in the mirror and went, Jesus Christ, who’s this old guy looking back? I swear it was like that. When did I get this old? Yeah. It just creeped up on me. You’re the same age as my oldest sister, Voldemort. Voldemort. That’s why I call her Voldemort. That’s just because she doesn’t have a nose. That’s another sport. Yeah, that was when we were goofing around in the bedroom when we were little and I had that knife. I won’t go into that. It was a cheese grater incident.So anyways, she was soaking and we were jumping on the bed. Things got out of hand. Caught me out on that one. You’re talking about high school reunions, or we were. I think the subject came up. I’ve never been. You’ve never been to one, really? I’ve been to two. I went to two of them. I went to my wife’s 50th anniversary. I walked in there, and she was pretty well-known. You’re the only black girl in the world. the only school, you know, the only black kid in the school, they’re going to know you. So anyway, she went in and, and she introduced me and, you know, and I’m walking around while she’s out doing things with all her friends and I’m walking around and you got the little name tab, Jim, you know, and I go, Hey Jim, what’s going on? I go, Hey Mark. Cause they got named tags too. Hey Mark, what’s going on? Hey. And then we started talking and I started talking like I was a football player. Hey, remember when we had that state game again, I fabricated this whole person.from their high school. And people believed the stories, man. They thought, they go, yeah, I remember you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were the one that jumped on the bed while Miles was soaking. Yeah, I remember that. I remember that. It’s funny because there’s a huge age difference. Yeah, that’d be really weird. Anyway, when the reunion came, and she’s leaving, She’s leaving, and as I’m walking out with her, she was shocked by all the people going, hey, Jim, we’ll see you later, man. Good to see you again, man. Good to see you. We get out to the kitchen. She goes, what did you do? I just play a little ball. I’ve never seen these people again in my life. They don’t know the difference. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. If I could go back and do it again, I’d talk about soaking.I think on that note, we’ll finish up then, as it were.
