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Cursed Napkins
Episode 24
Tuesday, 23 June, 2026

Miles tries to eat more than his meal, while Bob has some issues with the restaurant’s cleaning equipment. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/BABrCYf5Kz0 Miles tries to eat more than his meal, while Bob has some issues with the restaurant’s cleaning equipment. Cursed Napkins Bad AI Transcript is on it’s on it’s on like you’ll never believe it’s ever been on before Thank you. Hey everyone. This is my title with static radio podcast here in the United States. Want to add anything to that? I mean, it seems like a lot of information there. Bob has FIFA overload and he’s wearing a kilt right now with nothing with nothing under it. That’s right. I’m flapping in the breeze. Hello. Stop flashing young children right now. The, I don’t, you know, the FIFA thing I don’t get. I mean, I just don’t, you know, do Americans really love soccer or football that much? Football? I imagine. Actually, I was just talking to you before we started recording that I went to lunch with some friends and one of them left to go watch a FIFA game at the end. Like we were done eating. Oh, I’m sure I know which one. Yeah.I was like, huh? Yeah. Which team does he like? He mentioned what game he was watching, but it’s beyond me now. I can’t remember. I’m going to go watch Paraguay. Yeah, Uruguay and Paraguay. I don’t know what it was, honestly, but I was just like, really? Yeah. It’s a big deal. I know it’s a big deal. Obviously, it’s a big deal right now because it’s all across North America. We’ve been a pain in the ass and all the airlines are fucked up and everything. But anyway, I had an old neighbor and he used to love to watch soccer. He talked about it all the time. Is that the guy that tried to burn down his house? He’s the other neighbor. Yeah, the other neighbor. Yeah. Yeah.guy who didn’t burn down his house on the other side of me. Oh, okay. Yeah. When you lived out in the county. Uh, no, I live in the city. In the city I didn’t want to talk about FIFA, but you brought it up, and so I thought, well, I have to say something about it, I guess. You deal with all these really cool people, and I figure there’s got to be a few of them, I’m sure, that are into it. All these really cool people. You know all these really cool. How in the world do you know all these really cool people? Yeah. I make sure that they’re never around when you’re around. You ever see that? You ever notice that? Mm-hmm. Separate worlds.he ever hurt you. So anyway. What are you doing? Go ahead, Steve Perry. Let’s hear it. No, I’m really phlegmy tonight, so I really don’t want to do that. What does that happen? Do you have some kind of condition or something? Do you have gills? You possibly have gills that get all gummy because you’re not supposed to be breathing air. You’re supposed to be breathing water. My doctor finally confessed. He goes, you know what? You’re all fucked up. I go, why? He goes, all this meds I’ve got you on. I’m like, oh, you son of a bitch. The truth comes out. You know, I have all these problems. You know, my legs swell. I get phlegmy at night. You know, whatever else, you know. Whatever else. You didn’t mention your ED.You always mention your ED. Yeah, that’s one of them. It comes like a thief in the night, let me tell you. I got you on all these meds. Well, that’s great. Yeah. Somehow, I always think of you as one of the people in the movie Seven. Yeah, out of the box? No, you’re the guy. Remember the guy with all the air fresheners in his room? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s the way Miles is at home. He’s got all the air fresheners because he’s basically decaying in place. You know what? This really is not related to anything, but my doctor, about half the time I see my doctor, he always starts laughing. He goes, God, you told me that funny story about that old guy that wanted to beat your family up.at that motel, I go, yeah, yes. I don’t know why he loves that story of me almost being beat up by an old man at a hotel at the motel. It’s a motel. Yeah. Yeah. That’s a very, very old story, which I won’t go into, but yeah, he loves it. I remember you hit or something. Didn’t you, you know, we can debate that as to what I was doing, but ultimately I would have survived. Oh, okay. Had I gotten physical, I would have survived. At that point in time, you were a little more mobile. See, I could have flanked him. I could have come at him behind. My family could have taken the brunt of his beatings. I’d wait until his arms were tired. I’d wait until he gets worn down. That’s right. I’d wait for him to wear out a little bit. Then I’d put a full Nelson on this little guy and be like, all right, son of a bitch. Hey, you fucker.I put my chin right in the middle of his back. I’m like, oh yeah, you like this? Do you have a chin? Jesus, I didn’t even know you had a chin. Well, chins, chins. Oh my goodness. Well, do you have any more on that you want to talk about? No, that was just an old thing here. Okay. How your doctor says, I’ve screwed up your life because I’ve given you so many meds. Yeah, I’m drowning in my own fluids, basically. And I’m like, oh, okay. That’s good. I always go into like a list of things wrong with me. He’s like, yep, I caused that. Yep, I did that. Yep. And I just got a new Corvette. Basically, yeah. He cut me off when I said I had blood in my stool. He’s like, all right, you know what? We’re going to stop right there, Miles. Time’s up.another appointment to talk about that. Yeah. Um, so i’m trying to think how to approach this. So as you know, Miles, I have a lot of, uh, you have a lot of like medical situations. I do. And I seem to have a lot of, uh, perhaps psychological situations. I would agree with that too. Yes. So there’s this place, uh, that my wife likes to go out to dinner too. It’s, it’s not a, uh, chain or anything. It’s a local place, you know, and it’s not super fancy, but it’s not unfancy. You know what i mean pizza the cup no no it’s walking tacos. Okay. Um, Now, so we went to – what’s that? I didn’t say anything. Oh, I thought you said something. No, I was very quiet. I was like, oh. Oh, geez, you got a little feedback there. It’s Michael. Move your chin. Move your chin over. Yeah. Hey, Jabba. Jesus. So we like to go there every once in a while, and we went there recently.And I do like it. It’s very tasty, and it’s a good place to go. It’s not overly expensive. But they are trying to be a little more upscale than they need to be, at least for me, because they have cloth napkins. Oh, fancy. I know, fancy. We’re getting cloth napkin service at a paper napkin price. Yeah. And so, you know, it’s like, that’s all fine and good, but I can’t… I’ve broken… I tried to use them. The first few times I went, I struggled through it. I used the cloth napkins. Did… They have the words Holiday Inn stitched into them. I’m just wondering. Cut up old towels is what you’re saying? Yeah. Well… They’re all stolen hand towels from the Holiday Inn. No, but the, so I use them and then I just, I got, I just like, I can’t, you know, I apologize to my wife this one time, not before, not this last time. Apologize to my wife before and I’m like, I just can’t use these. I can’t use these napkins on my face. It just, it drives me nuts.Now, you would think, and part of it is this, but it’s not the main part, that I think about all the other people who have used this napkin. Yep. But that’s not the main reason. People like me. That’s right. I’ll have the rib special. Holy moly. I’m going to clean off my chins. Yeah. Jesus Christ, there’s a bone under my chin. Oh, my God. A spare rib. It’s like seeing Paul Prudhomme eat ribs, for Christ’s sake, back in his heyday. If anybody remembers who the hell that guy was, he was a big, fat New Orleans guy. So it’s because they use so much fabric softener that I can’t stand the feel of the napkin on my skin. Is that weird? Well, not for you, probably. Other people. I mean, you have sensory problems. I do. You are undiagnosed something. I don’t know what, but you are undiagnosed something. That could be a show, Undiagnosed. Yeah, that’s you. That’s the name of the show, yeah. Undiagnosed, yeah.Yeah, so I forced myself to do it, you know, for a little while so I wouldn’t be weird. But here lately, I’ve been asking for paper napkins, which the waitress is not really happy with me asking. Yeah, hold on. Let me go across the street, McDonald’s. Hold on. Wait. I think they just go to the bathroom, to be honest with you. Oh, it’s just TP. They’re putting, like, toilet paper. Oh, no, it’s not. Napkins to wipe your hands on. These are sanitary napkins. Oh, these are different. Oh, these are textured. I got wings. I can get both corners of my mouth with one wipe. They’re extra absorbent. No, so yeah. So then every time they’re just disgruntled, I’m like, can I get some paper napkins?And they’re like, huh? Yeah. So this last time we go, right out of the gate, you know, I’m like, I’m always very polite and nice. Okay. I don’t believe that. I’m like, whenever you get a chance, you know, could you bring by some paper napkins? Oh, sure. I would do this after you got the food delivered, though. I would not do this prior. Well, I’m a preparer. I prepare. Yeah, okay. Why don’t you bring your own? I mean, if it’s a problem, why don’t you just bring your own? Well, that’s even weirder, isn’t it? Is that even weirder? You’re the king of all, so what do you care? Just whip them out of your pants. Well, you do know that for years, I always take big handfuls of napkins withWhenever I would go to fast food places. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold the boat. Okay. Wait, aren’t you the guy I met that used to eat with like a fricking beach towel around his neck? Yeah. And now he can’t handle a cloth. My own talent. It wasn’t drowned in fucking snuggle or whatever the hell the name of that. It was also my own beach towel. Thank you. Yeah. That never got washed. Makes it. It did get washed. It makes a difference. I want some wheat, bro. Wow. So you’re making this poor lady go back, buy these napkins, come back to your table. Well, the thing is, she didn’t. Oh. And then now we’re like, we should bring some refills. She finally brings the food. No napkins. Uh-oh. Some kind of boycott onI’m asking for paper napkins. And so now I’m like, well, what do I do? I can’t ask again. Right. Maybe your wife in charge of it, but your wife in charge of it. She’s not shy. She’s certainly thinks that I’m a weirdo. Cause I won’t use the cloth napkin. She’s like, it’s a perfectly good cloth napkin. Obviously they have all this fricking fabric softener in them that it’s, you know, it’s like, Oh, So just in case someone was doing something weird under the table or something, they’ve been washed and cleaned pretty well. Yeah. I don’t know what they’re doing, but I’m just saying that the fabric softener is so overwhelming that I just cannot do it anymore. So I had to suffer through that. You’re right. Maybe I need to take. You know what?napkins i need to turn into, like, Howie Mandel or something. I don’t know. You might want to do this, because now i remember as a little kid, we were at a restaurant on vacation, and i had stomach flu, and i started puking into those things. Because there was, like, nowhere to puke, and, like, my mom was catching my like those like those you know napkins we’re at the Hojo, and little miles is puking all over the place. We’re at the playboy club actually that’s what Yeah, we’re at the Playboy Club. Sounds like your dad. Come on. Don’t worry about it. It’s kid-friendly. Come on. Don’t worry. No, his company sent him there. I got to go. It’s work. Yeah. Just like you would say. Got to go. It’s work. They send me there. I’m going. Screw you. You always use me like your wife. You’re like, Bob says I got to go. I got to look at all these dirty pictures because I got to talk about them. I’m writing a book.Okay. Bob’s making me do it for the show every week. He’s like, be a super pervert all week so then you can talk about it. Correct. Now you have figured it out. Yeah. No, I can’t. These napkins, I just can’t. I just can’t. So… I’m thinking I don’t want to go back. How often do you guys go? Like once a week? Well, it depends. Maybe once every couple weeks. It depends. You know… We don’t have a once a week out to eat thing. Oh. We don’t do that, yeah. You have a lot more choice than I do, though. Well, it’s because you live in bumfuck. Yeah, don’t remind me, please. You can move, I don’t know, maybe. Although I’d be perfectly happy there, to be honest with you. Your punishment would be me move in. No, no, no.i’m at your house every day. You’re like, Oh, that wouldn’t go over very well. No, come on. No. Yeah. I know it wouldn’t go over well pass would not happen. So anyway, I just can’t, I’m yeah. And maybe you’re right. Maybe I need this, you know, they make those little, uh, packages of, uh, Kleenex. Yeah. The little tiny ones, you know, and you pull it out and it unfolds into like this giant Kleenex you blow your nose with. Maybe we need, you know, then you have moist towelettes, which I don’t like those either. But anyway, the moist towelette and then they don’t have the in-between. They don’t have the paper napkin in a little convenient package. They don’t. Sounds like a business opportunity right here. Swipe it on your jeans.Or sweatpants, as the case may be. I know. I was starting with my wife with throwing those away. I’m like, throw them away. Go ahead. Go ahead. I’m not going to do it. No, cut them up and let’s use them as napkins. El Taco de Mayo. Anyway, I cannot. Yeah, I cannot. Taco de Mayor. I can’t. Too much fabric softener. Lay off on the fabric softener. Maybe I could do it, but yeah. Maybe. Just maybe. Maybe not. I would bring this up with my shrink if I were you when you go in next week. I don’t have a shrink. I don’t go to shrink. Come on. Well, I’m just saying you might want to start. You might want to start. You might want to start.You think that it’s weird. Okay, I got you. No, I don’t know. I’m just saying be careful because little kids puke in those. So what’s going on with you? I didn’t puke in a napkin, thank God. Yeah, well, I have a weird feeling that you steal napkins or something. You know, I should take a picture of this because I was at my mom’s house about a month ago, and she actually still had like a stolen… hotel towel from somewhere. Cause my family accidentally would always leave with like some, you know, Oh, we must’ve got to have these hangers all day and see. Yeah. And, uh, hangers don’t have a hook anymore. They got these weird, like and whatnot. Right. Yeah. My family ruined it. I usually take,A lot of times they have in there, they have the dirty clothes bag. Right. I take that. I put my dirty clothes in it and put it in my suitcase. Yeah, put your dirty socks in the coffee maker. Never, ever. That’s disgusting. Use a coffee maker in your hotel room. No, not going to happen. Or any glass that’s not wrapped in plastic and disposable. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, a bunch of weirdos so hey speaking of weirdos, so we went out to eat with one of my wife’s friends uh friday night that’s right no this is a gentleman uh who uh has done very well for himself. He travels the world like you. I don’t travel the world. Even more so, probably, than you yeah hopefully yeah we just got back from Hawaii. Oh, good for him. Wow.No, I’m good for him. He goes to cool places. I’m like, man, oh, man. Yeah, lucky guy. He’s like you, though. He works on vacation. He brings his computer on vacation, and he works. He just does things. I’m like, wow. He’s like, hey, I want to invite you guys out. I’m like, okay, all right. We go out on a Friday night, and it wasn’t the most expensive place, but it was a little bit more upscale than it was not a chain. It was not, you know, tacos are us or something, or, you know, you guys eat at and, uh, tacos are diamond Dave’s. You go to diamond Dave’s. No, there is no such thing anymore, but, um, crap. Uh, so we missed it, like completely missed the supper rush. Cause there wasn’t like a lot of people in there. Right. And, uh,So we had seated, which is very nice. Maybe the guy bought the restaurant out for you. He could have. I would not be surprised if he whipped out a piece of paper like, I own this stuff. I would not be surprised. That’d be great. Yeah. So we get a waitress, and the facts of life scale, I think we’ve got like a kind of a very bouncy Mindy Kahn. Really? Okay. Yeah. It’s very pleasant, very pleasant. She said the word shit right in front of us. Are you related somehow? No, she was just a lot of fun. I ran a waitress that’s just very fun. Most of them are just annoyed with me, honestly. Yeah, I didn’t ask for special napkins and stuff like that. Just a delight. A delight lady. A delight.light corker and uh so she’s, uh, you know, bringing stuff in, taking it away and uh you know, I always try to speak french or something at the table, which one likes. There was like, no, I don’t know. You’re on the french now. I used to just do Spanish. Well, I do kind of a faux spanish French, you know, I like to order uh water con limon i gotta do a Spench. Yeah. People say Spanglish. I do Spench. Anyway, she starts clearing the table after a while. You’re done eating, I suppose. We were getting there. I’m a slow eater. Were you drinking? No, no one was drinking. We were just having a good time laughing. It was very relaxed, very nice, enjoyable. and she kind of makes this awkward motion, like she’s trying to reach around me to grab something. Trying to avoid my double chins or something. Yeah, I’m like, oh, what’s this? Can you move your hub around for me, please, sir? Yeah, that’s my face, basically. She goes, well, I didn’t want you to bite me. So then I lunged at her. I’m like, ah! Jesus!He’s like, you weirdo! He screams, you weirdo, at me. I’m like, thank God we already ate, because I’d hate to think what was in our food. Yeah, Polanski, the poor lady at the table, and then now you’re wondering what’s going on. Yeah, she probably quit the next day. Like, that’s it. I’m tired of these fat fucks biting me. Yeah, I know. Hey, Lecter, get away. That was enjoyable. She was a little surprised when I did that. She was not expecting this. Probably because you move like a sloth most of the time. I know. I’m like, I’m a little baby kitten. No, I’m a tiger. Oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. She’ll think twice about it. Don’t be taking my plate. I still got some fry with it.The little crunchy ones that nobody ever eats with me. I got the fried corn niblets. What did you have, by the way, since he was paying, I’m sure? I had French dip, which I love French dip. I know. What are you trying to speak French because of the French dip? I had au jus. French fries. Yeah, French fries. Soda. Sugar? Sugar? I don’t have to answer that. No, it was very nice. What did he have? What did the guy have? I think he had a steak or something, I think. Oh, yeah. Because he was like, I want… Oh, I don’t know. I’m not a beer person. What’s the name for a dark beer? A lager or whatever. You drink… What was it called? Lager. Yeah, he goes, hey, I’d like a lager. And the girl’s like, she’s like me. She’s like, what? Lager? Yeah, he’s like, it’s beer. It’s like a dark beer. Do you have that? What? So then she rattles off the whole menu right there. Like, we all agree. Miller, Miller, I got Billy beer. I got diet Billy beer. I got…Philly beer. Strohs, I got, you know. I got PBR. PBR, PBR Light. I got, oh my gosh, he’s like reading the whole fucking thing. I got Schaefer’s. And then like, there was like some off-brand. It’s like, you know, Yoo-Hoo Light. He’s like, I’ll take it. I’ll take the, I’ll take the homemade. I’ll take the spreading lotus. I’ll take the spreading lotus, please. All right, one spreading lotus coming up. There you go. Whatever he drank, I don’t know. Because I don’t want him to be there. Now, anyway, I don’t. What did your wife have? She had some pasta. She had some pasta. Really? Okay. Well, that’s nice. It was good. It was weird because the place just cleared out so fast. It was like, man. This guy’s not like a wanted criminal or anything, is he?I don’t know. It was a very debonair young man. Like, oh my gosh. It’s that guy. It’s like a more refined you. You know what I’m saying? He’s like, oh, can there be one? Yeah. No, he’s like, I got my electric car. Can I have a dark beer? It’s lager, please. Guy. Guy. Guy. Guy. I’ll have the French dip and his wife will have the pasta salad. Wouldn’t that be funny? I’ll have the duck a la range. I’m going to have this, ma’am. The duck a la range. That’s funny. Oh my gosh. He’d pick up the tab, right? Yes. You have no shame. No shame. No, like the guy retired at 40. He was doing so good, and he took like 10 years off, then he went back to work. He’s like, okay, fuck it. I’ll go back to work for a while. Yeah. He’s like you, you know? He’s tired of playing golf. Yeah. Everything’s paid off. I’m like, man, this guy’s… He’s rolling in it. Yeah. Lucky him. Yeah. Miles, I got this good doctor you might want to go see. You know what I’m saying?Show me his name quick. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/06/23/cursed-napkins/” title=”Cursed Napkins” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/06/23/cursed-napkins/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-