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Static RadioAuthor: Bob LeMent
The strange and humorous happenings in the lives of two US Midwesterners. Language: en-us Genres: Comedy, Relationships, Society & Culture Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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Holiday Gambling
Episode 51
Tuesday, 30 December, 2025
Miles almost loses more than his fair share at the fruit machine while Bob tries to figure out the impossibilities of strong air currents. Subscribe Random show from the last 25+ years Random Post https://youtube.com/live/4jC9Pyeu1gE Bad AI Transcript of the show this week Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Ooh. Derdek. Hey, it’s Miles. Hey, Miles. How are you doing tonight? Merry Christmas, Miles. Merry post-Christmas to you. Happy Boxing Day to you. I don’t celebrate, but yes, happy to you, yes. I wonder why we don’t celebrate Boxing Day. That’s something that you think we would have adopted. I’m not even sure what that is. I may have heard of it, but I really don’t even know what it is. There’s all these sales after Christmas in the UK and Canada and Australia. Yeah. And Boxing Day, it’s the day after Christmas. Oh, I guess. Actually, I didn’t know. I thought it was Christmas. I thought it was about that Brad Pitt movie. I didn’t know what it was. Yeah, you put heads in boxes. What’s in the box? What’s in the box? What’s in the box?Yeah, we should, I would think it seems like all the British, uh, big british yeah countries do it, but we don’t do it. So I guess that’s probably, we’re not gonna do the boxing goddamn brits lolita would you enjoy some boxing? I think you wouldn’t, you would love to just say boxing day. You would like to keep asking people, um, what’s in their box. You got a box. Can I see your box? What’s in your box, mate? So did you have a good Christmas? I have a non-Christmas, but yeah. You’re not celebrating anymore? You’re Jehovah’s Witness now? No, it just hasn’t worked out yet. But eventually I will. Or not. Bum. Yeah. Whenever somebody gets up some gumption, they’ll get it done. We had our Christmas early, actually. I guess two days ahead of Christmas we had Christmas. Because that’s when everybody was available. Everyone’s home.Everybody was home for a little bit. And, uh, so yeah, we did everything then. So big brother, Chuck Cunningham. Yeah. Everybody was there. You don’t see him as much. No, you don’t. Don’t see me after the first season, honestly. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. But, uh, no, yeah, we, we had a pretty good one, I would say. Your brother-in-law, was he there? Oh, yeah. Did he pee in your house again? You mean outside? Well, hopefully outside, yeah, because you caught him on camera last year, I think. Yeah, that’s right. That was a topic of conversation. But it was. Like, hey, man, Dave, I don’t want to go into this, but man. No, I didn’t even mention it. I think my son was like, hey, by the way. Uncle David?I saw your wiener. Dad’s watching. No, we didn’t see anything. His back was to the camera, so. Oh, more than two shakes. The funny thing was, though, his front was to the neighbors. Yeah, so. Yeah. Whatever that means. No, let’s see. One of the big events was my brother-in-law took the kids to the casino and Ah, they went on an outing. I did not participate. It was weird. Cause your kids are only like five and six. It was a, a sweet pea situation. Popeye. He just left up in the lock car. Like I’ll be back. Which, which, which, which you like in the fifth race. Uncle David will be back. Don’t worry. No, they had a fun time. So yeah, I, I, I was forbidden from going, apparently. I said, maybe I’ll go. No. My wife’s like, you going? You would have ruined it. You’re such a tight ass. She’d be like, well, just the dollar. Yeah, that’s what she said. And once your dollar was gone, you’d be like, that’s it. I’m going home. That’s it. Yeah. Where’s the free drinks? I’m just going to Uber myself back to University Heights. That’s it. That’s right. The…Yeah, they went and I think everybody won, but my future son-in-law, he did not win. But they only bet with their Christmas money, which I think sounds, I don’t know, there’s some kind of blasphemy in that if you ask me. Mr. Lament, I kind of lost my money. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Yeah, so it was… I want to picture this guy as like Christopher Lloyd from Taxi. That’d be funny. I’m going to marry your daughter. No, he’s not Christopher Lloyd. Who would he be? If I had to give him a character… No, it’d be funny though, wouldn’t it? If he was like… No! Yeah. Mr. Lament. I’m deeply in love with your daughter. Definitely not. Definitely not him. He’d be more of a Joe Pesci, I think. Yeah, yeah. Mr. Lamenti. Mr. Lamenti, say I’m funny. What do you mean I’m funny? How? Amuse you. How about a little bit more money for the casino there, tightwad? Oh, five. Yeah.but yeah, I, my, everybody, well, I guess my daughter must not have lost as well, but my son and my brother-in-law both won. So they were happy. Yeah. I see that guy being a shyster. Like you just stick with me, kid. I’m going to show you how to run this. It, you know, I don’t, we don’t hear about the losses, but my brother-in-law has won considerable amounts. Yeah. Yeah. on football and various other sporting events. Yeah. You know, he’s not blinded by his, uh, fandom, uh, you know, where he just loses money because he has to vote for the, his favorite team. So I’m not sure you’re getting that there partner, but, uh, I think you know exactly what I’m talking about. Hey, I’m not a whore, man. I stay with my team, man. I hear you. Well, you’re not going to win any money. With that said, go Ravens! Yeah! No, I’m just kidding. I’m just kidding. That’s not my story, though. Actually, something happened just yesterday, and I am shocked thatI’m incredulous that I got this response. It just happened tonight. I got a new grill just ahead of Christmas, which I know you love to hear about that. You don’t talk about grills as much, so I will listen to this one. I got a new grill and then I said, well, we have to get a grill cover. Well, sure. I got a new grill and I got a new grill cover and It was so windy last night because we went from like 73 degrees down to 13. Yeah. And the wind just came through like, you know, God knows what. So anyway, I had the new grill. I used it and then I covered it up. And then tonight I went to go use it again. And I’m like, where’s the grill cover? Wow. It goes all around it. You know what I mean? Yeah.It forms to the grill, right? It’s the shape of the grill. Form-fitting. Yeah. It’s made for the grill. Right. It’s like the skinny jeans of the grill. Exactly. Exactly. And so I’m like standing out there. I get it going. I’m cooking some chicken fajitas, which I know you love. I love. Yes. And you make really good chicken fajitas, by the way, everybody. Well, I don’t. My wife does. If you ever get invited over to Miles’ house, have the chicken fajitas. You can’t go wrong. Sure. And so then I’m making my chicken fajitas and I’m thinking, I’m like, where could this grill cover have gotten off to? Because it’s literally under a porch. Three words. St. Louis County is where it’s at. And the wind was coming towards it. So the wind would have blew it into the house, not away from the house. Right.because we were facing west. And so I’m like standing out there and I’m like, wait a minute. So I noticed something while I was nodding off this afternoon out in the backyard on the back patio that looked like there’s other, we have other things on the back patio that are covered for the winter. And I thought, well, that’s weird. This thing looks like it’s not in where it should be. So I go around to the back patio and lo and behold, there’s the grill cover. Oh, okay. On the back patio near the door to get out there. Oh, okay. Also underneath an awning. Right. So I’m like, somehow the wind was able to, strip the grill of its cover, take this cover out of this, you know, kind of, it’s on three sides. It’s closed. There’s only one open side and that’s where the wind was coming from. Take it out of there, put it over the house and then deposit it underneath another area. Yeah.And I was telling my wife, and I’m like, this is amazing. I can’t believe it. Normally, everything ends up in the woods, right? A box comes out of the garbage, it’s in the woods. And depending on how far in the woods it goes, whether I go get it or not, if I can’t hardly see it, it just stays in the woods. It’ll all be green in the spring, who cares? Right, right. This somehow gets out from underneath this enclosed space over the house or around the house, I don’t know. Magically. Into another slightly enclosed space. Like the magic bullet theory or something. I know. And I tell her, I’m like, this is amazing. She’s like, eh, it could happen. I’m like, no, you don’t understand. I was explaining to her, look, you don’t understand. The wind is coming.It’s pushing it into the house. There’s no way. There’s nothing else missing up there. Just this. Well, those covers, they just blow around. Are you not understanding what the fuck I’m talking about? I’m like, no, no, you don’t. This can’t happen. Everything that blows around goes into the woods. It’s impossible. This thing should be in a tree somewhere. This is like your own Bigfoot sighting or something. You’re like, it couldn’t happen. It’s possible. Yeah. And here it is on the back patio nestled up almost against the house. Better call Neil Degrassi or whatever the hell his name is. Whatever the hell his name is. I don’t know. Neil Degrassi Tyson? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Him too. I don’t know what his name is. I don’t know. Neil Degrassi. Yeah.I don’t know. So, yeah, I was just so aggravated. I’m like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, it could happen. It could happen. Like, no, it can never happen. This is never. Nothing has ever left this porch and ended up on that patio. Nothing. It’s a Christmas miracle. Come here, Mary. Bert and Ernie, come here. Look, look. I’m still aggravated by it. Your own version of it’s a wonderful life or something, man. She’s like, I’m sure one of the cameras caught it. No, no camera caught it. Jesus Christ. I see hours and hours of you just sitting there like, come on, come on. The craziest wind. Yeah. Strongest crazy. It’s like Mary Poppins, for fuck’s sake, just blew this thing over. Yeah.singing on its way down onto the back porch and then didn’t move for the rest of the night. That’s weird. That’s what I said. The magic grill cover. The magic grill cover. That’s right. You’re going to be on some oddly specific podcast, I think, in the next few months. Please listen to me on the strange and wonderful… They’ll love to hear this story. They’ll be like, tell us, Bob, about your grill cover story. Walking on grills are us. Our special guest is Bob LeMeten. He has quite a story to tell. Forget that you’ve seen, you know, shadows move on their own. We want to hear about this goddamn grill cover. Wait till you see this. Yeah. The Weber company is going to fund my research at my house. No, it was just bizarre though. And no, nobody cares. Nope. Oh yeah. Yeah. I’m sure.Troy Taylor’s coming over to interview me, honey. Yeah, my old buddy Troy from the book barn. Yeah, the ghost. The ghost did it. Look at it. The ghost carried it back there and laid it down and took a nap, and that’s why it stayed there. The ghost of St. Louis County. I swear. I’m like, it should be stuck against the back of the fence, hanging from a tree. It should be gone. I’ll never find it again. You should be getting a knock from the neighbor like, hey, is this yours? It’s in our house. Is this your crummy-ass grill thing? Yeah, it’s got your initials on it. I figured it was yours. Yeah. I’m like, man, it is a miracle. It is a Christmas miracle. You find it out on the highway down in a ditch. Like, there it is. Yeah, look there. We got to go driving, calling for it. Grill cover. It’s in the park. Got the grill cover.Thank you. It was, I was just amazed and no good, no react. This is the rest of my life right now. Yeah. I so long to have little kids who would totally be enthralled by this story. When I was, you know, my kids were little, I would have, my gosh, the grill, dad said the grill cover went from the front to the back without, he couldn’t have done it. Grandpa Bob, tell us that story again. Yeah. All right. You know, right at the ankles. Oh, yeah. Didn’t this happen during your wolf story, too, or something? You, like, saw some animal, and your wife’s like no no yeah no yeah she well i’ve saw it was in hawaii that she’s denied no wolf while i was driving. yeah Yeah, and then she saw a wolf in our backyard oh well that that’s true that happened exactly i said yeah i didn’t see it and but yeah it’s true. It happened, yeah. But my wolf, when i was driving thenot too far away from home, that wolf story is not possible. The fact that I saw the only octopus that lives in Hawaii because my son looked it up. I told him what it looked like. He’s like, there’s only one or there’s two, I think. They look just like what he said. Or your mythical creature, your underpass creature you saw. That was a shadow creature. thing yeah yeah the shadow creature, yeah, or whatever it was yeah yep you’re a liar. This grill thing, yeah, happens all the time. I’m surprised it didn’t, like, go land on another grill and cover it. Why don’t you go out there again, put another one on, and if it happens again, then i’ll believe it never a million years gonna happen again. There’s no way it could happen. Yeah, you know that. Yeah. All right. Never, ever.Anyway, this is the rest of my life now. I think I’m going to have to round up the neighborhood kids anytime something happens so that I can actually have somebody react appropriately. You are like Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters. That’s right. You’re building the mountain. You’re really scaring me. I don’t know what you’re doing, Bob. This reminds me of something. I don’t know what, but this means something. Look at the grill cover. The grill cover just You can’t just blow over the house. Apparently it did. It’s almost like it went through the house. Oh. Some kind of portal or something. Portal. I was just going to say it. Portal. You’ve opened a portal. A grill portal. I don’t know. But nothing else. I think you’d be on a commercial for this thing. It was durable because it didn’t tear to shreds. I understand. I understand.So what’s going on with you? No one believes me. I’m sorry to hear that. I’m so sorry to hear that. Or no one believes that that’s not a feat. Yeah. I’m going to get with the National Weather Service and see if this is possible. Where’s our friend Dan the Weatherman? Can I ask him? He’s all retired now. He doesn’t do weather. Oh, okay. Who’s So maybe I can just do a couple of just very quick, no-nonsense stories. Sure. So I know I showed my hand too early, but I sent you a picture over the weekend. Oh, yeah. Actually, if this grill thing hadn’t happened, that’s what I was going to go with about you and your fucking freaky-ass pictures. Yeah. You’re losing it, my friend. You are losing it. Totally losing it. Yeah, well, I know that.I’m almost 60 now. Can I say what the picture was? Go ahead. And you sent it to me rather late, by the way. Well, that’s why I was exposed to it, my friend. I get this picture at like 11.30 at night. What night was that? Friday? I got there on Saturday. Saturday, okay. And it’s Miles sends me a picture with his handful of teeth. Yeah, human teeth. Human teeth, like a handful of just loose human, like if you would just grab a handful of chex Mix. Yeah. But instead of chex Mix, it was human teeth. Mm-hmm. Right, correct. That is correct. It’s like, what kind of fucking holiday party were you at i was yeah well i had gone to kind of a pseudo family get together earlier in the day, and i wasEverybody puts a tooth in miles. You’re no exception. No, that didn’t happen there. It’s, um, I was at my niece’s house. And, uh, so it was, uh, where it was, I guessed what it was before she dumped this in my hand. She goes, Oh, um, there was this guy and he died. He was an old guy and he died. And, you know, me and a bunch of people were cleaning out his house and I found this envelope and, uh, you know, I looked at it and I thought, well, maybe it’s worth something. I don’t know. And so she goes, close your eyes and hold out your hand. Like I go, this better be not be like, like Nazi teeth or something, you know, like, oh, you know, and then your niece’s husband slips his dick in your hand. Oh, I fell for it again. Oh my God. No. And sure enough. No, it’s fricking teeth. Like what’s that? Teeth. Well,Were they wet? No, they were not fresh or wet. This is like bad juju, man. I don’t like to have body parts and shit. These were not like children’s teeth. No. These were full-grown adult teeth. Yes. These are all various teeth from probably various people, but it had some gold in it. Oh, God. That’s why she kept it. Actually, she’s gonna see if it’s worth anything, you know. The gold, you know. But I’m like, I knew it. Like, I guessed it get the gold out of the tooth. I guessed it, though. Isn’t that weird? Like, wouldn’t it be funny this is like, discarded teeth or something? Like, son of a bitch when you guessed it, or was before you got in your hand? Well, she was just before she did it. i like My Polish, because i’m the polish Nostradamus, I saw what’s going to happen before it happened. I’m like, oh, no.I looked down. I’m like, oh, Jesus. If this is from World War II or something, please, God, I don’t want to… My hand feels like a pastrami sandwich. Oh, God. It was horrible. It was horrible. Gross. I never want to… And then you felt… It was so gross, you had to take a picture and send it to me. Well, you had a relative that was a dentist, so I thought you’d be interested in stuff like that. I thought you might be interested. These are not really molars, though. No, these were like eye teeth. It ran the gamut of teeth. There were some sizers. There were some molars. It was like all guesswork. Like, what do you think? It belonged to the old man? I’m like, well, if he had like 60 teeth in his mouth, maybe or something like that.i don’t think this came from just one person. I think these were, like, from various the the the bad part is he was a serial killer. Yeah, I’m sure. Like you say, I don’t I hope this guy didn’t fight in world war ii and he’s, like, you know, from japanese people or something. Like, oh, God. Yeah, that’s a bad juju then. No, I know, but, I mean, there was people back in the day that did some weird shit, I’m just saying. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know. cutting off people’s ears. My buddy had an ear necklace. If you whip out an ear necklace next, I’m going to throw up. I will throw up. Full metal jacket. That’s story number one. Number two, right before that, we had gone to a bar. Before you close it out, why do you send me these things? Because I realize you lead a very sheltered life.know you’re on purpose you live in this compound, like the kennedy compound, basically. You rarely leave the house and, uh, you hate talking to people in person, you know? So I thought, you know, you’re like, don’t send me pictures of amputees anymore. I don’t think it’s funny. I don’t want to see your the teeth yeah so i’m just crossing things off the list. I can’t send anymore like it would have been funnier if you like stuck them in your lip and then did a video with me, like spitting them out. I would have thrown up. There’s no way. There’s no way. There’s no way. I mean, you could have boiled those things in bleach. I would not have done it like now. No way.Gross. Much incisor. Gross in your hand. What are you talking about? Oh, God. Why would you even have that? Now, hey, think about it. Next time you’re pleasuring yourself, you’re pleasuring yourself with a hand that touched like 50 different people’s teeth. Yeah, I know. I’m going to have to count Monique out from here on out. Damn it. Go ahead. I’m sorry. No, no. Well, I don’t know. These stories aren’t really good. But anyway, so I last story was we had gone to his bar before all this happened. And, uh, we were watching some football and stuff and, uh, where there’s, uh, like eight slot machine, seven or eight slot machine, not slot machine i know you love the video yeah and uh so i take like the far end next to me is kind of like a very unfunny drunk, like zach galpinakis Right. And then, then, then my niece.So it’s me, Zach, and then my niece, right? And I’m losing like crazy, like, oh, shit, 20, 40, 60. His big joke was, look, I’m between two turds. I was like, hey, right nut, hey, left nut. And it looked like she was winning for a while. I’m like, damn, I wish I had that machine, you know? Right? Yeah. And I hadn’t noticed, but she had actually won and left the machine and was at the bar now with my nephews. She cashed out. I’m like, well, Sid, I’m going to play that damn game. Because I concentrate on mine losing money in the left and right. So I go to sit down and there’s like this, I don’t want to say martini glass, but something like someone had been drinking something and it looked like it had been left there. And I knew it wasn’t for my niece because my niece wasn’t drinking. I’m like, oh, that’s weird. I go, this must beyou know, belong to this loser next to me, this drunken bastard. He says something like, I hope she don’t mind you playing her game. You’re playing her slot machine. I go, oh, well, yeah, my niece was sitting here. Oh, well, my mom’s sitting there. I’m thinking, is he that drunk? He thinks my niece is his mom. And then it clicks in my head like, oh, he’s with somebody. Oh, where’s she at? And I’m like, oh, because I didn’t see like, you know, no one else at the machines. I’m like, okay, but I’m like, well, I’m like, well, fuck it. All right. So I moved down one and this drunk old bitch comes down and she’s like, sit down on the glass. Well, okay. I don’t usually like to talk to women like that. Okay. I’m sorry, but I’m just saying, no, she, she sits down with the dirty martini glass. She goes, my, my pocket book is gone. Oh, my pocket book could,Son, could you look over there? Do you see it? Yeah, this is an old bar scam. Yeah, I’m like, wait a minute. They don’t think that maybe their old Uncle Miles is trying to hustle a drunken mom or something. No, there’s this bar scam where they always do that. They’re like, watch my purse. And then they come back to it, and they’re like, oh, money’s missing, and you were watching it, so you took my money. Yeah. So now this woman calls over her husband, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. It’s like, call my phone, call my phone. My, my stuff is missing. Yeah. But now I was never mentioned or anything, but I feel, I’m almost feel like I’m getting side-eyed, you know, like, Oh, well, look at you. You know, if I, if I’m a thief, I’m a bad fat thief. Cause I can’t run, you know, like,No one’s body shape is like that. Nobody’s got that much of a belly up front with nothing else. Like a 300-pound guy. Star husband disappears. He comes back. He goes, that’s a dumb bitch. It was in the bathroom. You left it right in the sink there. You skirted one there. I can tell you that. I’m like, what if they think I stole their Stuff. I mean, I’ve never been in this position before. You know, I was like i’ve only been accused of stealing once in my whole life and i’m like oh yeah what really only once only once yes yes i would think this would be a regular occurrence for you. No, I was just a child when it happened. But, yeah, sure but uh you’re like, I couldn’t have stole it. I was running around naked. I was naked no i was where am i gonna hide it grandma which was weird yes yesyes yes yeah no i don’t know. I just, you know, I thought i’m gonna get into some weird bob lament situation here in a minute yeah but luckily yeah so yeah this poor, like, uh, what would be the wife to like the zach is at the bar. She’s looking like she’s ready to cry i don’t know what’s going on with this woman. because she had all her money in that lady’s purse. Yeah, and then the dad, I can tell, he’s like, I just want to pay the bill. What’s our bill? And the lady’s like, oh, $56. I’m like, Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. So they’re trying to get him out of there. This poor old woman can’t get her coat on. Looks like one of those blow-up things like a car dealership, you know, those things that blow. Crazy. And the bartender’s like, oh, wait a minute, Zach,owes me money too. He has a bar tab too. I’m like, wait, Jesus Christ. Like he’s got a bar tab too. Wow. I thought the 56 bucks was just for like everybody. No, it was just grandma and grandpa. And now they got to get the Zach, you know, straight. And I’m like, Jesus Christ. Wow. There wasn’t happy hour. I can tell you that. I don’t know. Then they left, and I got talking to the people I was with. I’m like, did you see that? Yeah, we were watching the whole thing just in case they wanted to kick you out. We were hanging back and waiting for you to get. Yeah, they were taking bets to see who was going to attack me first, the old woman. They were recording it. Let’s see if Miles gets punched in the face. Get strip searched and put everybody in. Yeah.funny if i did ever phone like i’m gonna have to do a body cavity search of this fat under these rolls. I bet he’s put it under these rolls. Yeah. And these bathrooms are not super big. I mean, it’s just like a a stool and that’s it you know i mean these aren’t like you know oh it’s like a one-holer. Yeah. You know, so, yeah, this one completely left all her goodies luckily there’s like hardly anyone there, but, you know That drunk and you would totally miss all your skin. Oh, my gosh. Did you get back on the machine then? I did. I lost more money, yes. Oh, my gosh. Did you lose $56? I lost more than that, yeah. Oh, my gosh. I know. I want to go. You’re so judgmental. $56 bar tab. Oh, my gosh. Gambling is different. I mean, drinking is different. Gambling. Drinking is a more expensive thing.No, drinking’s a sin. You all know that. No, no, no. You can’t win anything by drinking. I’m going to go out with your son and brother-in-law next time. How’s that? Yeah, you should. They do much better. David, show me how to spend this money now. Come here. I got some gold teeth I want to give you. What can I get for this? I’m going to give you three incisors, David. I think that’s a good bet. Three incisors? What do you think? I can I’ll lay that into $1,500. Oh, yeah. So good times. Good times and miles. It’s a gambling Christmas. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2025/12/30/holiday-gambling/” title=”Holiday Gambling” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2025/12/30/holiday-gambling/”
