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Static RadioAuthor: Bob LeMent
The strange and humorous happenings in the lives of two US Midwesterners. Language: en-us Genres: Comedy, Relationships, Society & Culture Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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Dirty Birthday
Episode 6
Tuesday, 10 February, 2026
Bob arranges a special birthday message, and Miles misses it, and also ends up in hot water with Big Dirty Jake. Subscribe Random show from the last 25+ years Random Post https://youtube.com/live/cG9vlHhGluA Bad AI Transcript of the show this week drink the go juice my friend i can really hear it going down the back of your phlegmy ass throat ah Yeah. Thank you. Hey, everybody. This is Bob. It’s the dawning of the age of Bukkake. The age of Bukkake. Hey, everyone. Miles. Really? That’s your lead in? Yeah. I saw it. Yeah. Well, that’s good. You know, a wise man once told me. Yeah. It isn’t racist if it’s funny. That’s right. I wouldn’t call it that. I don’t remember that. The Super Bowl was yesterday. Yeah. Do you have a story about that? Well, no. I was just going to make a comment that comedian Pablo Luen watched the alternative halftime show, but he watched the AVN half-time show. Was it called Finger Blasters? It was called Bold Butthole. And it was called Bad B-Hole. That’s what it was called. Okay. And a lot of grunge stuff on there. The Man Inside Your Box. So there you go. Did he rate it or do likeany kind of like moment by moment or something on Instagram or something? Yeah, he was on Instagram. Was he? Okay. I have no idea. No, I don’t know. I just saw that joke today. Oh, okay. I see. This is not a true story. This is not a true story. I thought it would be a joke to lighten things up. Well, maybe he would. I don’t know. I’m not. I’m looking at the guy. I’m just saying he might. He does some stuff. I don’t know. He’s got Kind of a, you know, Harvey Weinstein kind of thing going on. I don’t know. He’s like a middle-aged John Goodman or something. I don’t know. I’d say Goodman. Yeah. No. Yeah. I would. I would. Okay. No, I’m just kidding. I like. So, uh, you, your prediction was off. You didn’t get the Seahawks. Correct. Yeah.Premier, the polish nostradamus here on the first of the year, one always predicts the super Bowl. And this year it was like, I think the seahawks and the broncos and the broncos were gonna win so yeah so i kind of was like a third right i guess on that no i don’t think any of that’s right. Other than Seahawks. Well, no, I had one of the the players in it. Okay. And then, uh, but then I missed the other team and who would win. So, yeah. Okay. So, so I was like a third grade. I was like, Hey, that’s better than I usually do. That’s true. Usually you get both teams wrong. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. So I, I, I’m very curious because you were kind of lip. Usually my, my talk ahead of time, uh, just about random, you know, stuff, family stuff. A lot of times, uh,Before the show, he was very tight-lipped about his weekend, and so I’m very curious to know what… What your weekend was about. What are you holding there? Okay, well, about a week ago, my niece from Chicago called up. She said, Uncle Miles. Uncle Miles, come on up in Chicago. Yeah. No, she’s like, we’re going to come see you. Is that okay? Oh, really? She’s coming to see you. That’s a first, isn’t it? I’m the forgotten Polack. Yeah. No one wants to see your old local mile you know that there’s a, there’s a movie spoof in there. It’s called the last Polack, like the last yeah the last, the polacks yeah see it’s not racist, but it’s not racist. If it’s funny funny that’s right.And I go, yeah, because my family just does not come to see me. All right. Let’s be honest. I owe everyone money, basically. And everyone’s like, no, no. And where they’re going, I mean, where you live, it’s like, you know. It’s a shithole. We got a B-dubs at our place. What do we need to come down there for? Yeah, right. So, like, we’re not coming to Moline. Yeah. Who are you? And, no, I was like, yeah, come on down, man. I don’t care. I don’t know. our husband’s big dirty Jake, you know, who’s made this great that’s the young man who pissed in the slop sink uh many years ago that you thought was funny. Oh, yeah. He’s the same guy. I didn’t realize he was big dirty jake was a pisser. Yeah, he stuck around. Yeah, he’s stuck it out well my crazy ass family i give him that. Well, apparently he sticks it out a lot, and so that may be part of the he does. Well, he’s got some kids, so yeah, he does uhHe does that, yes. Sticks it in the sink. Sticks it in your cousin. Sticks it in. Wow, my cousin. Come on, it’ll be weird. And so, no, they get here and they’re like, well, we’re going to get there bright and early because we don’t know how long we’re going to stay. I’m like, okay, I don’t care. And they get here. Next thing you know, it’s time to eat. I go, let’s go downtown. There’s a little, you know. Where would you like to take me? Is that how you phrased it? Where would you like to take me to eat? No. What? I did a Bob Lament. I paid. Yes. This is unheard of. Unheard of. I was so happy. I’ve never heard of you paying for anything. No one ever comes to see me. So I’m like, all right, I’m going to do this, man. I’m doing it.Well, you picked the place that I like to go, which is Day Old Donuts. Everybody stock up. Everybody’s doing it. So we went to a mom and pop restaurant, I suppose, downtown. Yeah, nice. Which was about three quarters full. It’s called Pizza Ranch. And it was called Pizza Ranch. Now, we went to the Pizza Ranch. You did not tell me that is an Iowa restaurant. Uh, franchise. It was born in Iowa. Pizza ranch. Okay. Never mentioned it. I don’t often eat there. Well, you certainly look like you were at home whenever i was there. Yeah. I need like a second mortgage to go there to eat. Yes. It is. Uh, I don’t know. You had a lot of fucking chicken when i went there. Well, fuck you. When they charge you like 20 bucks a plate fuck you man i’m eating i’m eating so you wentso you went to this mom and pop place. And, uh, first of all, big dirty jake decides this would be the perfect time to use my loud voice to start telling inappropriate jokes in the restaurant. You know, this wasn’t that restaurant with the ladies with the commercials or anything, was it? No, this is not. No, that was not that. No. James kitchen or whatever it’s called. Yeah, no, it was not. He, yeah. Hey miles. Yeah. Jake, what do you call a blind, uh, gynecologist? A lip reader. I’m like, all right. Okay. Yeah. I live here. Busted out the miles title joke book or what? Jeez Louise. I live here. I work here. I may know people here. So maybe. He doesn’t take the hint. He keeps going. They’re very questionable jokes. I’m like, okay, big, dirty day. I’m just, I mean, he’s rolling off like six jokes in a row. I’m like, all right, you know what? And they’re usually getting louder. I’m like, I, can you please just, I don’t be rude, but maybe, you know, wait until we get home to tell some of these, you know, wait, really?you know, when I’m offended, you know, I’m like, uh, you know, that like a line has been offended. You just were embarrassed because he’s pulling your stick out in public. So yeah. Loud, loud. Yeah. I’m like, all right, come on. Yeah. Okay. Yep. Yep. All right. That was, yep. I’m just, all right. So, uh, luckily, you know, ended well, you know, thank god no one’s spitting our food, I don’t think, but you know. But, uh, we were preaching charlie so they did spit in our food. So, uh, you know, my kids, you know, you know, kids nowadays are very PC, you know, dad, we could, dad, come on now, dad. God, he said something bad. He’s talking about vaginas at dinner. I mean, I don’t know how your kids are with all this PC stuff. I don’t think they’re open to PC. My kids are a little bit open. Anyway. So, that gets done. We come back to the house. Like, what do you guys want to do? I go, you know, there’s some stuff. We got to travel a little bit. Got some cards. I go, the way you drive, Big Dirty Jake.We’ll be there in like five minutes. You want to go see the Eagles? Yeah. I wish. We should have. You went over to the Illinois side and went to a strip club? Yeah, no. We went to somewhere else. It’s all mysterious. Well, I don’t really want to give too much away. We had an encounter with the police, basically. What? and i know, because I know this guy drives fast, right? Okay. And, uh, we’re almost. Banjo music plays every time he hits the accelerator. Just a good old boss. Yeah. And I know this guy, you know, likes to drive fast, you know that’s right yeah okay and uh it’s it’s a highway that i don’t often go on, but i’ve never seen any police on this. You know, it’s not like they’re, you know,stapled to the road or something, they do get to move around, you know? Yes, they do. Apparently they do. It’s a nice, big, divided highway. And we’re almost to our destination and we’re joking and laughing. Like, oh, ha ha, those dirty jokes I was telling were very funny. And next thing I know, he’s like, oh, shit, cops. Oh, son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. I’m like, what? I thought he was joking at first. Ha ha ha. Like, oh, shit. You’re right. Like, oh, fuck. Uh-oh. Wah, wah, wah, wah. I’m like, everyone just act cool. You ain’t do nothing. We didn’t do nothing, man. And so he’s like, oh, that’s it. My CDL. I’m fucked. You know, I’m like, okay, well. Right, yeah. So, yeah, the cop’s like, all right, any reason why you’re doing 83 in a 65? You know?because the car goes that fast? You know, you can’t govern these things. I got those big chunky shoes on because i thought they were my outfit i’m like okay i’m like give me your stuff i gotta go call it in. Yeah, geez. And it took a while because i’m like, this is This is 50-50 at this point. I go, I don’t know, man. Because it was taking so long. I’m like, fuck, this isn’t good. And this guy’s sweating bullets. He’s like, I’m fucked. That’s it. I’m fucked. I’m fucked. Uh-oh. Oh, my big, dirty jag. Just hold on. I’ll be all right. And you go, you know what they call a blind gynecologist? Hey, officer. Officer Meany. Hey, you know where they keep them? And so I recorded it a little bit.You know, I didn’t really try to be too honest, but he comes by and goes, I’m going to give you a warning. You got a CDL there, boy. Oh, really? You gave him a warning? Seriously? Yeah. 83 and a 65 gets a warning. And he’s like, um, I don’t know why big dirty Jake’s like, oh, well I I’m from Chicago. So I’m not really, you know, used to being on highways like this, you know? Um, I’m like, what the fuck is he talking about? You live by Chicago and you don’t know what a divided highway is and you’re not familiar with. You have a CDL. He’s just laying on thick. Oh, I wasn’t aware of things. I don’t know. Speedometer don’t make no sense. Everyone’s like, come on, just sign the goddamn thing. Let’s get going. He’s a dumb checker. Oh my God. So yeah, he finally signs it and you know.But, you know, he’s bad mouth of the cop a little bit. You’re like, ah, son of a bitch. Uh-oh. Now, next time he’s coming through. Nobody’s ever going to come visit you now. No, I know. It was weird because on the way back, there’s, like, cops galore. Like, everyone’s pulled over. I’m like, what in the hell is going on this weekend? Jesus. Man, I don’t know what it was. Somebody’s low on their quota. I guess. I don’t know. It was, like, state, county, you know. I want to look out for a fat Polish man who goes by the moniker. Yeah. I mean, mall cops. I mean, there was, everybody was out. Everybody. Mall cops. Pulling over people. Hey, you went by Sears really fast. No, no, no. You just got off with a warning. That’s good though. Yeah, I know. Yeah. I thought, thank, I go, I hope he has a good mental outlook. I go, this could really ruin the rest of the trip. You know what I mean? It’s like,And it didn’t. It didn’t. But I’m like, you know, because it was me. I’d be like, that’s it. We’re just going home. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. I’m not going to go see eagles now. Who cares? I’m never going to see eagles now. But yeah. We’re in trouble because of eagles. Those bastards. It just added to the, you know, the levity of the day, you know. So it was very, very fun. Yeah. in trouble with the police. Yes. That’s very nice. Well, I mean, why was he driving so fast? I mean, we enjoy driving fast. Okay. He’s a, this is the guy when we were trying to break into, uh, the bears headquarters that one time, a few years back, he almost got us in trouble. Cause he kept trying to get out of the car and the guard was like, do not get out of the car. And he’s like, no, I’m going to get out. He’s like, no, you’re not going to get out of the car.I don’t know if you remember that story or not. Yes, I do. Security at Lake Forest, you know, and they’re like, do not get out of the car. F you, I’m getting out of the car. I’m like, no, no, come on, man. Come on, dude. You know, so like big dirty Jake, just hold on, man. Just be cool, man. Uh-oh. I think we lost Miles there for a moment. Or maybe we lost me. I can’t tell. Can you hear me? I cannot tell. Can you hear me? Both of us are. Can you hear me? There we go. Now you’re back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hello, sir. Can you hear me? Hello, Mr. Man. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Oh, we lost Miles. I thought that was what was happening. I thought Miles’ title left. Well, that was a harrowing experience, it sounds like, there. So, we will… Oh, did he come back? He’s back. Hey, Miles, how’s it going? The police did it. The fucking police did it. You’re muted, by the way. No, I’m not. Apparently, the police are not really enamored with you because they killed your…Hello? I killed your connection. Hello? Hello? Hello? Nope, he left again. There you go. Well, I think we’ll just… trying to decide what to do now. I guess I got a story I could tell. I don’t know. Oh, he’s back again. You’re still muted there, Miles. No, he’s gone again. Apparently, Miles is having some difficulties tonight. I don’t know if you noticed I got a new studio here. You’re muted there, Miles. I think your thing’s all messed up. I decided to change my background, see? So I actually have the same pictures in the background, but I just changed the look of everything and changed my desk a little bit. So if you’re new to the show, everything wasn’t like this a little last week. No, I just changed it around.We’ll see if Miles comes back or not. But there he is. You’re muted there, Miles. If you can click on that button there, buddy. Maybe we can talk to you. Cause baby, talk dirty to me. Get up my guitar and talk to me. Ne, ne, ne, ne, ne, ne, ne, ne, ne. I don’t know if that’s enough to get us a copyright strike. I’m not sure. So Big Dirty Jake came to see me and he was driving like 100 miles an hour down Interstate 55. And believe me, they were not too happy when they pulled him over. But I think we’ll just call this a night because it doesn’t seem to be working very well. So this will just be a short show all about Big Dirty Jake and what those Jake boys are getting up to. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/02/10/dirty-birthday/” title=”Dirty Birthday” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/02/10/dirty-birthday/”
