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Static RadioAuthor: Bob LeMent
The strange and humorous happenings in the lives of two US Midwesterners. Language: en-us Genres: Comedy, Relationships, Society & Culture Contact email: Get it Feed URL: Get it iTunes ID: Get it |
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Leg Manuever
Episode 4
Tuesday, 27 January, 2026
Bob gets caught in the act of relief, while Miles earns bonus points at the ER with his wife. Subscribe Random show from the last 25+ years Random Post https://youtube.com/live/FGaAlHCZn1c Bad AI Transcript of the show this week Are you arranged now? I’ve got to check what condition my condition is in. What condition my condition is in. Ooh. Nah. Hey, everybody. You get nothing. Good day, sir. Hey, everyone. This is Miles. You stole fizzy lifting drink. It’s in my cheeks. I just want to give a big thank you to Miles for cheering me up tonight. I was having a shit day, and then I get on with him, and he’s doing stupid, goofy shit, and then I made fun of him, and I felt so much better. I ain’t dressed in front of a camera for him. I wasn’t going to mention that part. That was the negative aspect of things. He started to feel a lot better about himself when he’s like, you know what, maybe I am not a loser after all. Yeah, I’m not such a loser. God damn. I will tell you, though, if you really want to force yourself to throw up, have Miles call you, FaceTime you,With his phone sitting on a table looking up at his naked body while a ceiling fan is spinning in the ceiling. It was my only fans. I was getting nauseous and then the fan made me dizzy. Oh, yeah. They do it in Apocalypse Valley. They’re geniuses. If only I was in Vietnam and drunk on my ass. Quad cities. Yeah. Quad cities. I’m going to go up the Danang River. Bob keeps getting stronger and I keep getting weaker. Getting weaker. I’ll go down to Mississippi. That’s right. Go down to Mississippi. That gave me a mission. I’m heading down to New Orleans to get a beignet. Bob is working on his own accord. Oh, yeah. No one’s going to claim us. We’re off the map. This mission never exists, nor has it ever existed. So, I think you should start tonight because you sent me a doozy of a picture this week.You know what? I did. I sent you this picture because we were laughing because that’s not even me. That’s my wife’s leg. Oh, my gosh. I didn’t even notice. It’s horribly bruised. She bruises very easily. What was funny was she had her foot tucked in under her leg, so her foot almost looks like a ball sack. I totally assumed that was your leg, to be honest. It looks like someone’s had their ass cheeks whipped pretty well and like they’re like on their stomach or something it’s a weird it’s a weird picture like ass cheeks to me but you’re right that does look like a ball bag yeah it did i’m we’re all laughing like god what the hell i’m looking at it right now but to be honest i thought that was your leg honestly no no no wow miles’s leg i mean he always teases me for not having any hair but gosh yeah like it’s suppleI didn’t even realize it wasn’t your leg. Well, there you go. Yeah. Cause it looks terrible. No, he’s not. Okay. As he laughs maniacally. Well, we’ve almost filled up our punch card for the ER. Well, I think, I think they give you like a couple of free ones every year. Anyway. Yeah. It’s not, you know, start of a year without the ER, you know, Mrs. Tidal, so good to see you. It’s only the second week of January. We’re like Elvis. We have our own room in there. What’s going on? Did you push her off the patio or what the hell’s going on? Luckily, I’m old and I was just kind of getting over that illness. I was dealing with that bad thing, cold or whatever. You were sick for about a month and a half.It seemed like it. And I actually had gone to bed before 10 o’clock that night. So I’m like, okay, all right. I can’t sleep normally. Yeah. Well, I don’t usually go to bed. I’m not old. You know, I don’t go to bed that early. But anyway, so. You know, Netflix has got a lesbian channel. We’re going to watch Wives, I guess, here. Okay. And so I’m asleep. And now all of a sudden. Oh, my gosh. I’m like, what? I’m like, all this crazy screaming. I’m like, what? And you’re like, honey, I didn’t even make it to REM yet, and you already brought the boyfriend in? Yeah, I know. I was getting a REM job. And no, I thought it was actually time to get up. I thought it was like 630 or something. I’m like, what? I look. It’s like one o’clock. One o’clock in the morning.And then the screaming stopped, so I thought, well, maybe I’ll just wait and see. Well, it was dark. I mean, I didn’t want to get hurt. There’s wild screaming in the house. You wake up, and then you’re like, well, I mean, that could mean a lot of different things. I go, maybe if it quit, though, maybe it’s not as bad as I thought. I think it’s worth investigating. And I thought, what would Bob do? I thought, okay, I better get out of here. I better check this out. You know, God only knows he’s cut off her finger again or whatever. She’s in the dark. She’s in the bathroom and she has decided she had to go to the bathroom. It’s dark. She lost her footing and she fell and she tried to catch herself and she ended up fracturing, uh, her wrist. Oh my Lord.her wrist is even worse than her leg? Yes. Yes. But she bumped her leg too like she almost like fell into the into the uh tub yeah our tub is somewhat close to the, uh, we have a small bathroom so yeah well you didn’t want to pay you wouldn’t want to spend uh extra for the wide angle lens yeah i’m like yeah you know, I’ll wait till bob gets here, and i’ll get a nice camera. And I’m like, oh, shit. I’m like, are you okay? I was tired. I’m like, are you okay? I’m not okay. Don’t you guys have a nightlight in there or anything? Well, no. No, we can’t afford one now. We can’t afford a nightlight. That trip for… to New Orleans clean me out, I’ll be honest. Yeah, well, if you didn’t go gambling and playing the slot machines all the time. Yeah. So I’m like, well, come on, I’m getting back in bed here. Come on, I’m going to shake it off. Come on. Shake it off. I think it’s broken. You’re so nice. Come on. I’m like, you know, I go, maybe we better go to the ER. No, no, I’ll be tough. Don’t worry. I go, I think you broke something. Let’s go. All right. Oh, my gosh.well, you know, okay. And you go there and, uh, there’s just about no one there. Like, well, this may be, this is good. You know, maybe the best time we’ve ever come here. Yeah. Yeah. Cause usually it’s all everyone, you know, with the flu and shit, you know, little kids crying and old people that, you know, and, um, we actually have a whole thing like worked out. We’ve been there so many times. It’s like, I know where to drop her off. She’ll hobble in and then I’ll go park and then I’ll meet up with her. You don’t even go get her the wheelchair or anything. She always, no, she refuses. She refuses. Every time I mentioned, no, no, no. I’m like, okay. So, uh, she goes in and I walk in and I, you know, like, sir, did you come in with that lady? I’m like, yes. Yeah.Did you come in with our star? Yeah. Yeah. She forgot her punch card. Could you go home and get it? I’m like, okay, hold on. Don’t worry. I’ve got the app. Yeah. And so she’s in the room, of course, or, you know, doing vitals and stuff like that. And, you know, of course I’m the keeper of the purse and the glasses and the drink and the, you know, whatever else. She broke her wrist and she still took her Stanley cup to the emergency room. Her Casey’s cup. Jesus Christ. She’s moving in. I know something’s wrong because I can’t pick up my 55 ounce cup. I can’t go back to 16. I can’t. Yeah, I got a bean bag and a lava lamp. I’m like, what the fuck is all this? Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Houseplant. Could you watch the fern? I’m like, Jesus. Talk nice to it. Not dirty. There’s a cat in the bag, so watch out. I’m like, oh, my God. This is like two. Jesus Christ.My comfort snail. Yeah. All right. Yeah. No, we, we have this all sad. Cause we have like this whole thing. Like where’s my, where’s my, uh, you know, flight pillow. Yeah. Yeah. You’re like, you know, like when people, you’re not going to, you know, go into labor, they have the bag ready and they kind of get the whole, yeah. It’s kind of like that at this point. I’m like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Bring that, bring that, bring it, you know, and, uh, I’ll charge it. I’ve got a go bag for the ER. Yeah, bring the charger. Don’t forget the phone charger. Like, yep, yep. And so she’s getting taken care of, and, you know, doctor pops in. Really just excellent staff. Really nice people. Super nice. Like, hey, you know, you are 5.9% of my salary. Hey, I want to thank you, man, because I got a Q5, man. You know, if you stop coming here, there’s going to be cuts. Yeah.I wouldn’t want to slip on that stuff outside. You know what I’m saying? Can we make an appointment for, like, in another month and a half or something? Yeah, right. Yeah, well, the way it’s going, yeah. So it’s like, you know, well, you’re going to have to have x-rays. You’re going to have to wait for the x-ray person to show up. And I was like, okay. The x-ray person, yeah. I’ll go, what’s your name? What’s your birthday? What’s your name? You got like Gabby Hayes technician. All right. We’ll be back. Go ahead. Smile. First boy, you can stay here. We’ll be right back. Okay. You and the kitty cat there. We’ll stay here. And I’m like, okay. And, uh, you know, she comes back after a while and, uh, you know, you, well, we got to wait for all the experts to read your,films and something oh yeah at this point, you know, very quiet in there. At this point, like, you kind of hear, like, some other family come in across the hall. And next thing, you know, you’re sitting there also it’s like, were you changing your clothes near a ceiling fan? Oh, no, no. That poor lady is, like, coughing and, like, blowing chunks at the same time oh jesus it would not stop. It would not stop chinese oh man oh god like she was full of spunk or something like oh yeah would not stop with this oh i i’m getting sick thinking about it. She would not quit with this puke i ate a bunch of cheese curds. We just got back from Wisconsin. Yeah. I mean, really would not. Yeah. Like I had the buffet. It was a golden corral. I had Wendy’s super bar. Oh my God. Would not stop. Would not stop. And, uh, so the doctor, you know, yeah, you got a fracture. He goes, I’m going to, I can do a split. I’m going to splinch you up here. Oh, wow. Splint.And so we’re talking to the guy and, you know, very nice doctor, very personable. And he’s like, oh, I’m from Philly. I go, no, you’re not. He’s like, yeah, I am. I don’t know. You’re not. He goes, what do you mean? I go, I have cousins that live by there and they talk really weird. And, you know, you don’t talk like these weirdos, man. He goes, oh, that’s yeah. Those, yeah. Those people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We don’t. Yeah. So I don’t know. I’m the fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This guy’s got, like, a very milquetoast, like, almost, like, Midwestern, you know, non-accent, you know, voice. I go, my cousins all talk fucked up, man. They all have, like, a weird… Eagles! Eagles! Eagles! Eagles! Yeah, I know. No, I don’t know. I remember them just talking very weird. I don’t know if it’s, like, a Canadian accent. I don’t even know what it is. No, it’s a Philly accent. It’sI guess. I don’t know. What’s the cheesesteak? Yeah, I haven’t seen any of them for forever. But anyway, yeah, so we’ll talk to that. So anyway, you know, deal with that. So it’s time to go. It’s like, all right, well, okay, well, here’s some Tylenol. Good luck. You know. Yeah. Yeah. Like, okay, so that’s it. Yep. I will tell you, no more than 10 ounces in the Stanley for a while. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so a poor woman had to go home. Like, oh, here’s three Tylenol. Good luck. You know, hope you feel better. You can get better stuff on the street for cheaper, so. And this was like, I guess this would have been in the morning. We were only there like three hours. It was like 1 to 4 a.m., I guess, on Friday. Oh, wow. That’s great.At least it was on Friday, so at least you had the day off, right? No, I had to go to work. Oh, it was on Friday morning. Yes, it would be technically Friday morning. I went to work. Well, you’re going to work and sleeping is about the same thing. Pretty much, yeah. They’re like, well, call orthopedics. She calls them. They don’t call her back. So the whole weekend, you’re waiting, waiting, waiting. Get a hold of them. Monday, like, oh, well, we can’t see you for almost a week. I’m like, oh, fuck. Oh, God. I finally get her in. She’s got a cast going. I’m like, oh, man. Horrible. Nothing broke. It just fractured. It’s just going to have to be immobilized. It’s a break. Oh, it’s a break. Yes. That’s probably better, to be honest with you. Well, yeah. Let me put her on the phone and you can tell her that. She’s dealing with this basically no pain. Well, I’m just saying that sometimes the sprain and the fracture is just worse because it’s better. I’m not a doc.Okay. I’m not a break you know it’s there it is that’s it yeah no it was uh as opposed to, well, it seems like you got some swelling. Yeah. Right. Oh yeah. Well, that was, that was just a insane, crazy thing. And then like i said two months later she takes this picture and that’s where like, that looks like someone’s sack. Doesn’t it? Like someone’s like on their belly kind of. showing ass cheeks with, like, their sack hanging out or something. You should have cropped it a little bit more, I think. Yeah. Then it would have been a little bit more, yeah, but it’s not ass cheeky. Well, the fact that I can see your dirty laundry basket and a few other things in the background there, you know. Yeah, you know. There’s an animal in the picture, like a cat or something.Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In the dark area. And, uh, yeah. I typically sleep with one cat and two dogs on this bed along with my wife on any given night. Yeah. Okay. Uh, well, now that i zoomed in, it’s actually hairier than i thought. Oh, you are a freaking jerk, man. That’s my wife’s leg, you jerk. Oh, my God. Well, I thought it was yours. I know. You’ve been all upset ever since I sent this to you. You’re like, here, let me read it. So you sent me the thing. I go, an ice issue? You go, can you see my balls? I go, what? Really? And you’re like, nah. And I said, bad date. So what happened? And then you didn’t answer me for like a day.And then I’m like, well, I’ll save it. I said, all right. I hope you feel better, old man. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. I didn’t want to show my hand too fast. So you had me. I believed until this moment earlier in this conversation that that was your leg. I thought you fell down or got run into or I don’t know what the hell happened. Miles, when did you get an episiotomy? Well, it didn’t show that far. When did you get a C-section? Yeah. And I mean, I didn’t look at it super close until just now. Yeah. Oh my gosh, somebody’s leg. I think I… Someone’s cat. And sent a picture to you with my bloody beat up leg one time. I think I had a picture of my father-in-law’s leg because he had knee surgery and I posted it and everyone got all freaked out. Like, oh my God, are you okay? I’m just joking. I just like posting other people’s surgery pictures. Because his leg was all yellow. I’ve got jaundice. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’ll be just fine.Well, I hope she feels better. Yeah. It’s tough. Now she’s broken her wrist. I mean, your house is going to be a mess. Yeah. Until she gets better. Yeah. If you saw that picture, yeah, you pretty much. I mean, nothing’s going to get picked up around that place. Pretty much. Yeah. I’m not doing it. I’m like, fuck. Yeah, I was going to say. There’s three hours of sleep I’m never getting back. Oh, cry me a river. Come on. Cry me a river. You wake up in the middle of the night and go look at women sitting on pastry and stuff. Not anymore. Oh, why? Are you getting in trouble? No, I was watching that MTV one. Oh, for God’s sake. Those girls are missing half their legs. I don’t even want to hear about this. Why? They’re beautiful women. So what? I’m sorry they’re missing their leg. I’m sorry. I feel sorry for them. I swear, man. Well, you want to hear my story or no?I think I should. Yeah, I think that’d be the only decent way. It’s not as funny as all that, but it’ll be somewhat funny. No, this is about your texting the cell phone bullets. No, no, that was just tonight. All right. So, you know, I’ve become a chauffeur now that I’m older. I chauffeur my wife everywhere, it seems like, right? So she doesn’t have to. park the car and get out. I drop her off at the door and all this kind of stuff. That’s my new side gig that pays nothing. And, uh, and so she’s, she’s like, Hey, I gotta, I’m gonna, uh, take some, uh, you know, drinks to put in my office. So when I’m at the office, I’ll have stuff, but it’s real heavy. Would you come in and help me do this? Yeah, sure. I’ll take you. So, uh, oddly enough on Friday,I think it was just as you were not getting any sleep and going to work. I was driving around. So we had to do some other errands ahead of this. And there was kind of a rumbly in my tummy. And so then she’s like, you know, let’s last stop. We stopped by her office and I was going to take this stuff up to her office and, and, you know, store it for her while she did. looked at something anyway, and then we were going to go home. And so I’m like, I’m like, bring in my you who. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and then we had, we had gotten some, uh, soda that, uh, we accidentally got some soda that is, we didn’t want. Yeah. And so she’s like, well, we’ll just take it in with us and we’ll, there’s a sharing, uh,area in the kitchen net thing where people just put stuff that they want to share with everybody so we’ll just take it in there yeah so i take her stuff and put it in her office get her all situated and she’s like okay let’s go down to the kitchenette and you can put the this other big you know thing of soda uh by on the sharing shelf and so she’s you know i’d never been her office. So she showed me her office and she showed me where the kitchen thing was. So we’re in the kitchen. I’m putting the soda in the sharing. There’s nobody in there and so I made sure I gave it a good look. And then I ripped off a fart because my stomach, I really had to get rid of this, right? Loud white.I didn’t think it was going to be that loud. It was. Apparently it was. Louder than they intended it to be. This was not silent but deadly, right? No. It was a little louder than intended. And she was doing something else in there. Her head whips around. Looks at me. It gives me the, you know, what the F are you doing? There’s cameras in this office. And I’m like, there’s nobody here. There’s nobody here. You never know. What the hell are you? Who are you? I’m like, my stomach’s upset. And she’s like, well, go to the bathroom. I go, I don’t want to go to the bathroom here. I want to go home. I just had to let off a little bit because it was getting too voluminous here. It’s just a turd beeping for the right of way. That’s all it is. Oh, she was so angry with me. We’re leaving.And so, yeah, and then we get in the elevator, and she’s like, well, I think you have your story. Was it a good, like, solid, like, one Mississippi, two Mississippi? No, no, no. It was not intended for anyone to hear. No, but I’m saying, I mean, the length of it, you know. Oh, no, it was pretty quick. Just like a one Mississippi. Yeah, it just got it out. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, man, my stomach is really, oh shake it off yeah and then i’m like and then we got to get out of there before somebody comes in. And then that’s been hilarious i would love you to get caught. Oh my God. I got caught by her, but that’s, you know, normal supervisor. But the, but the reality is that’s i don’t do that very often. So it wasn’t, I really had to let off some steam, you know?You know, I don’t recall you farting. Exactly. I don’t like to fart. We hung out a lot in college. Like you. I don’t do a lot of public farting. We’ll put it that way. So, yeah. But, I mean, this was like, this had to happen or else, you know, things were going to go bad if this didn’t happen. Yeah. So, anyway, I made a home and then, you know. hit the head, and i was all good, but, yeah, I got a little bit of trouble there. I’ve walked into people’s farts before. Oh, my god i feel like they’d be laughing you walk like oh they just Oh, my God. You just ripped ass right here, you bastard jesus so the uh the comrades got some free soda, but i left a little uhA little scented candle for them. Yeah, I was going to say, then you have to go back to the store and get those little Glade plug-ins. That’s right. Well, now we have to go back. No, I got some banaca in my pocket. I’ll just spray it. Don’t worry about it. Banaca. Come on. Banaca. Banaca. Banaca. The binaca blast. I got me. I got some high karate here. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/01/27/leg-manuever/” title=”Leg Manuever” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/01/27/leg-manuever/”
